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>>> (001-100)
>>>
>>> Battles 101-105
>>> Battles 106-110
>>> Battles 111-115
>>>
>>> Battles 121-125
>>> Battles 126-130
>>> Battles 131-135
>>> Battles 136-140
>> MIDI Music
Battles 106-110. Dark Tales. This covers the story of Dark Kamiya and the Murder Sketch, among other things.
Probably too many HTML comments jokes in this one. But, after two years, Malkavian gets the rest of the posse in on the action.
Get it!? About 'Time'? As in, about the time I have been spent shelved for over a year save that unfortunate encounter with that balding streamer with the 'stache?
Anyway, in that time, I have contacted my allies within the Camarilla. And now, we hold Elys' gathering once more...
GANGREL: Growl woof bark yip arf.
TOREADOR: What a beautifully terrible work of art we live in...
TOREADOR used ARCHIVE BINGE!
TOREADOR is preoccupied! It may not attack!
BRUJAH: ∀narchy! I'm all fired up! Power to the people, let's paint the town blood red and stick it to The Man!
VENTRUE: ... Brujah, politely shut up. You know we are, and more particularly, I am, the establishment here, yes?
BRUJAH: ... ...yes...
VENTRUE: Besides, we still have Tremere.
TREMERE: I know you all hate me, but you still need me, so you gotta love me! Ahaha... I'm totally gonna die huh.
GARGOYLE: ...the moment you're alone...
Eat, drink, and be merry!
That is a joke. Of course we children of Caine and the Striges can no longer eat or know the joy of true life.
No, for life is no more our nature, merely our repast, and the blood of the innocent and the guilty is all that can quench our immortal thirsts...
BRUJAH: Oi yo! You said there was gonna be a battle?!
TOREADOR: It is simply the form by which our world is divided into works. Many Battles involve little battle.
VENTRUE: No fighting, we're in Elysium.
GARGOYLE: ...fortunately for Mr. Mage...
GANGREL: WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!
Enemy TZIMISCE appeared!
TZIMISCE: I have a half dozen szlachta waiting outside. All of you are on my turf and I'm gonna turn your flesh into a--
HIBER used OFFSTAGE CROOK!
Enemy TZIMISCE was dragged off!
HIBER: Nope, the Fiends are definitely the sort of thing that would make the RSACi cloud snap...
HIBER: ... Oh, and Nosferatu, you shouldn't hide in the HTML comments like that, it's impolite.
HIBER ran away!
VENTRUE: That means this "battle" has no battle to it, I suppose?
VENTRUE used JINX IT!
Wild LUPINE appeared!
AAAAAAAAAAA--
Can't escape!
Go! HERRING!
GANGREL sent out GANGREL!
VENTRUE sent out BRUJAH!
TOREADOR: ... and then the dreaded wrath of Doompuff crashed down...
TOREADOR's ART TRANCE!
TOREADOR is distracted! It may not attack!
TREMERE sent out TREMERE!
GARGOYLE sent ouT GARGOYLE!
BRUJAH: Okay! Werewolf man, you don't know who you're messing with. I'm the baddest mother duck this side of the Atlantic--
BRUJAH used CELERITY!
BRUJAH's ACTIONS greatly rose!
It's super cheesy!
BRUJAH used POTENCE!
... UNDEAD RSACi CLOUD used MENACE! ...
BRUJAH's ATTACK greatly rose!
BRUJAH used BEATDOWN!
It's not very effective...
Enemy LUPINE instantly mauled BRUJAH into torpor!
...Needless to say, BRUJAH fainted!
VENTRUE was dragged out!
Enemy LUPINE's attack continues!
...Needless to say, VENTRUE fainted!
TREMERE used BLOOD MAGIC!
It didn't affect enemy LUPINE!
TREMERE: Ah, bother that increasing Difficulty, how's it even supposed to work with Diff 10 on my best spells?! ... less than 50/50 I swear...
GARGOYLE used AIRLIFT!
... on TREMERE!
GARGOYLE: Right, the bosses ain't watching... Away we go, slavemaster...
GARGOYLE ran away!
TREMERE was dragged off!
HERRING used DOUBLESLAP!
Hit 1 times!
HERRING was caught!
... in enemy LUPINE's HAND mid SECOND SLAP!
HERRING was instantly devoured!
GANGREL: Growl bark ggrrr ruff woof bark arf!
GANGREL used PARLAY!
Enemy LUPINE: AWOOO GROWL SNARL HOWL SERVANTS OF THE WYRM GAOH GRAAWOOOO!!
It's not very effective...
Enemy LUPINE still wants to fight!
NOSFERATU used BACKSTAB!
... with an ANTI TANK LAUNCHER!
Critical hit!
It's not very effective...
Enemy LUPINE went to pieces!
Needless to say, enemy LUPINE fainted!
Quickly! We lack silver. We need to deal with this with haste.
MALKAVIAN won!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
This one was absolutely ready in a reasonable amount of time, I just messed up on the actually uploading it part. Also, everyone knows Death Note.
"Murder Sketch."
BOOK was renamed MURDER SKETCH!
DARK used READ!
"You have to also sketch how they die, within five minutes of the face. Otherwise the book will want to fight."
"If you repeat the same method, then you die by it instead."
"If the human someehow survives, they're immune. And the book will probably also want to fight."
... is this some kind of prank.
Try it and see!
DARK used TURN ON TV!
TV turned on!
Enemy POLITICIAN appeared!
POLITICIAN: ... As part of my campaign, I pledge to further oppress the poor, lower taxes on the rich, and convince the middle class they're the latter while steadily slipping them further into the former...
*scribble scribble*
DARK used SKETCH!
DARK used ANVIL DROP!
ANVIL fell on enemy POLITICIAN!
Enemy POLITICIAN died!
It worked!
With power like this... I could create a new world!
I could be the god of this world! Ahahaha!
*scribble scribble*
DARK used SKETCH!
DARK used PIANO DROP!
It's not very effective...
HIBER appeared!
HIBER spat out PIANO KEY!
HIBER: It only works on humans, dumbguts...
But I can still be king!
Or at least make a difference!
HIBER: ... yeah, go ahead...
HIBER ran away!
MONTAGE appeared!
OMINOUS 8-BIT LATIN CHANTING appeared!
DARK used CHANNELSURF!
DARK used PKMN CENTER PC!
DARK used DARKWEB!
Enemy EXECUTIVE appeared!
EXECUTIVE: We know we're killing the planet, but who cares? Our stock prices are up!
EARTH used FISSURE!
EXECUTIVE fell in the FISSURE!
EXECUTIVE died!
Enemy MOBBOSS appeared!
MOBBOSS: Youse can't convict me, I'll has ya put in concrete shoes!
Wild CROCODILE appeared!
... NARRATOR used RELAX-O-VISION!
But needless to say, enemy MOBBOSS died!
Enemy DICTATOR appeared!
DICTATOR: I'm going to invade my neighbors and oppress my people and you can't do anything about it.
KILLER BEE SWARM appeared!
KBSWARM used SWARM!
DICTATOR died!
Enemy MOLOCHIAN appeared!
MOLOCHIAN: The planet's dying because we stopped sacrificing children by fire to Moloch!
MOLOCHIAN: You can help! If you have a child, call 555-MOLOCH for more information!
FIRE used MEGA PUNCH!
Enemy MOLOCHIAN died!
*scribble scribble*
Enemy POACHER appeared!
POACHER: Come on down to Poacher's Pokes! We have the rarest and most valuble Pokémon, stolen right from the reserves because the warden's toothless!
CANDY GOLEM appeared!
CANDY GOLEM used BITE!!
Enemy POACHER died!
Phew, you can really get creative with this. I haven't even started...
...but it's a real pain in the wrist!
DARK won!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
Redwall is the creation of Brian Jacques. The animated series was good when I was small. In this case it just has a conveniently named snake, though...
Enemy ASMODEUS woke up!
ASMODEUS: Asssmodeussss... Sssstay where you are, moussse...
ASMODEUS: There'sss no essscaping Asssmodeusss...
Enemy ASMODEUS wants to fight!
ASMODEUS: Sssstare into my eyesss...
Enemy ASMODEUS used HYPNOSIS!
MATTHIAS fell asleep!
VISION appeared!
VISION was renamed MARTINTHEWARRIOR!
MARTINTHEWARRIOR: Strike for me, Matthias! Strike for--
GIANT METAL HAND appeared!
GIANT METAL HAND used GRAB!
Enemy ASMODEUS was fully grabbed!
Enemy ASMODEUS was dragged out!
... of CAVE!
Enemy ASMODEUS used STRUGGLE!
it doesn't affect TERRA!
Enemy ASMODEUS used POISON FANG!
It doesn't affect TERRA!
And it's a frickin'
I suppose the mouse sized quarry should've clued me in ... But still. It's a snake.
I... Don't even know what to say about this.
Can't I just catch my demon lords and plot to use the seven deadly sins against Hiber in peace...
Enemy ASMODEUS used HYPNOSIS!
TERRA fell asleep!
TERRA also, fell!
... onto ASMODEUS!
ASMODEUS: !!!
ASMODEUS: I... Asssmodeusss... Have been sssquissshed...
Enemy ASMODEUS fainted!
MATTHIAS: You know, I might feel bad about this if you weren't a horrible reprehensible monster who's eaten more mice and shrews than I can count and murdered my friend not ten minutes ago.
MATTHIAS used COUP DE GRACE!
Enemy ASMODEUS died!
MATTHIAS ran away!
...
...
IRON MASK appeared!
TERRA woke up!
IRON MASK: Yes, I had some hangups.
IRON MASK: Asmodeus is in the Second Circle, trying desperately to hide from you. Using any decoys possible.
IRON MASK: Last I heard, saying something like 'I lust for life and freedom and not-being-caged-up-in-that-lunatic's-Pokéballs!' or something.
IRON MASK: There might be a flying ship, too. There might not be.
IRON MASK: Don't mention it.
IRON MASK: Sincerely, don't mention it.
IRON MASK ran away!
TERRA ran away!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
More Death Note jokes... I was inspired. Or uninspired. Something.
REAPER: ... You've been busy.
REAPER: Nice to meet you. My name is Longj.
REAPER was renamed LONGJ!
LONGJ: Well, a long time ago, I was a pirate. Then I lost nine letters of my name in an accident involving nine pieces of eight.
LONGJ: ...Because you've got my sketchbook.
LONGJ: I don't want it back, I want you to keep doing things with it.
LONGJ: Being a reaper is boring, I want to go back to being a pirate.
LONGJ: And considering you're using it now, you can deal with the consequences.
LONGJ: I'm off to go see what today's rum tastes like. Yohohohoho!
LONGJ ran away!
Wonder what's on TV...
DARK turned on the TV!
There's a movie on TV.
Four boys are walking along railroad tracks.
I better go too.
MESSAGE is in GAMESCRIPT!
DARK used CHANNELCHANGE!
NEWS appeared!
REPORTER appeared!
Enemy R appeared!
...By proxy!
I can't sketch that, not that I would, being that I am justice...
R: As you know, we, R, are the world's greatest 3±4 statisticians.
REPORTER: Plus or minus four?
R: The confidence interval is plus or minus four.
R: Anyway, the spate of unusual deaths among executives, dictators, mob bosses, poachers, and public cultists is clearly a statistical anomaly.
R: The probability of this particular sequence of deaths occurring naturally is less than 0.05%.
R: On the other hand: The probability of it being a serial killer with a previously unknown supernatural ability is at least 100%.
R: Therefore, we have designated that supernatural killer as 'Satsujin-sha'.
R: By statistical analysis, we have narrowed the options down to e ither a college student on the west coast...
R: ... or an evening shift worker in the EU, or a night shift worker in Australia.
R: And those are only the ones that have the highest statistical chance. Really, Satsujin-sha could be anywhere.
R: And we can't do something fancy involving staggered broadcasts because the internet exists.
R: However, based on the laws of statistics, it's most likely that Satsujin-sha is in the neighborhood of here, in suburban California.
Enemy R used GLOBE VISUAL!
It's super effective!
REPORTER: And Mr. R, which laws of statistics would those be?
R: Confidential.
I could engage in a series of evil plots to kill Mr. R. and render myself above suspicion...
...But then I'd really be nothing but an insane serial killer with a god complex. And I'm a little bit better than that. Probably.
(also, there are actual gods of this world here and the Murder Sketch doesn't work on them)
So... Let's just... Not engage the master statistician.
In that case...
DARK used FORFEIT!
Enemy R won!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
Delayed today, dealing with some stuff in meatspace. More Death Note references. At least this'll make this archive page's name easy.
HM05 appeared!
HM05 says DARK needs to stop using the MURDERSKETCH!
The Presidentia-Pacifica War is over, and we've seen dozens of major social reforms since I started.
HM05: ... okay true but you still need to stop.
HM05: Haven't you noticed your kills have been getting less severe lately?
HM05: Like, Dictator was fine, but the Taco Bell marketing division?
HM05: Okay granted but killing them is a bit much, isn't it?!
DARK wants to fight!
DARK sent out MURDERSKETCH!
Sketching you well enough to kill you will be trivial!
And in this turn-based battle, your super-speed will--
Enemy HM05 used FLASH!
MURDERSKETCH's FLASH point was reached!
MURDERSKETCH caught fire!
MURDERSKETCH was burned!
MURDERSKETCH's hurt by the burn!
My pathway to power! Return!
MURDERSKETCH enough! Come back!
The enemy's got superpowers! Get'm DARK!
Enemy HM05 used SUPERSPEED!
... Mostly to demonstrate!
HM05: Anyway, your situation is hopeless...
DARK used SKETCH!
DARK learned SUPERSPEED!
DARK's SPEED greatly rose!
DARK used SUPERSPEED!
It's super speedy!
HM05: ... how the frick are you faster than me--
Enemy HM05 used FLASH!
DARK's ACCURACY fell!
DARK used SKETCH!
DARK's attack missed!
HM05 used LOW KICK!
DARK's KNEE fainted!
DARK's SPEED greatly fell!
... as did DARK!
Okay okay that's enough, I lose...
HM05: You know even if you beat me, I wouldn't be the last, right?
HM05: You can't do the whole Kira thing when some people know how to read the site archives...
HM05: The Murder Sketch is corruptive.
HM05: It's how the Reapers reproduce, some of the time.
HM05: They get a human killing, keep them killing, corrupt them into a monster, and a new Reaper grows in their soul.
HM05: When the human dies, the Reaper rips its way out of their soul like an egg. Fortunately, not-killing causes it to die again.
HM05: I stole some notes from Hiber while they weren't looking.
HIBER: I stole 'em from Jane while she wasn't looking. >.>
HIBER ran away!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.