Pokébattles Foxfire

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Battles 131-135.

<< Older | 131 | 132 | 133 | 134 | 135 | Newer >>

Written during the day today because I somehow didn't get it done last night. Apologies for the late!

Battle 131: Unishment 12/21/2023
Setting: Comics 50% / Boardgames 30%
Player: The Unisher [No Record]

I, Hank Hassle, am the instrument of vengeance!
Through my hands, and my mountain of military and special forces experience, the mob and other villains who escape justice shall have vengeance inflicted upon them!
By being sent directly to jail!
Enemy PENNYBAGS appeared!
Your monopolies cause suffering and pain!
They turn friends against each other, break up families and ruin both board game nights and people's perception of board games!
And nobody even realizes it's supposed to be a critique of landlords and capitalism anymore!
Go! To Jail!
UNISHER wants to fight!
UNISHER sent out TO JAIL!
Enemy PENNYBAGS went directly to JAIL!
... And that's so.
Enemy PENNYBAGS can no longer LOSE MONEY!
Enemy PENNYBAGS' RENTAL PROPERTIES continue to ACCRUE MONEY!
Enemy PENNYBAGS won!
... Of course the prison system is exploitable.
What else then?
Enemy NAHMAN appeared!
Oh, the Nineties Anti-Hero.
Claiming to be a superhero and leaving a bloody wake, huh? Well too bad -- go to jail!
UNISHER wants to fight!
UNISHER sent out TO JAIL!
Enemy NAHMAN went directly TO JAIL!
Enemy NAHMAN used SHANK RAMPAGE!
Enemy MOB BOSS fainted!
Enemy GANGSTER fainted!
Enemy PENNYBAGS fainted!
Enemy THANOS fainted!
Enemy NAHMAN used JAILBREAK!
Enemy NAHMAN ran away!
... did he just use me to settle his Nineties Anti-Hero vendettas.
Yes!
... ugh.
Enemy PSYCHO CLOWN appeared!
Go! To! Jail!
UNISHER send out TO JAIL!
Enemy PSYCHO CLOWN's COMIC INSANITY DEFENSE!
Enemy PSYCHO CLOWN was sent to REVOLVING DOOR ASYLUM!
Enemy PSYCHO CLOWN instantly escaped!
... With enemy HEADSHRINKER!
... so you're saying he gets out of it immediately, with allies...
Yes!
...Of course.
Well what am I supposed to do now? Come up with some sort of ironic punishments, maybe?
Enemy NAHMAN appeared! Again!
Enemy NAHMAN used GREAT BALL!
Wait, what the--
Congratulations! UNISHER was caught!
NAHMAN: Join me. Making League of Heroes.

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

What is this I am not good with computer--
Anyway, everyone's name is a pun or a bad joke here, or something

Battle 132: Lord of the ... Bandoliers? 1/2/2023
Location: Town of Neigh, near The County
Player: Yolo Swaggins [No Record]

The one the wizard told me to meet should be somewhere around here...
AMAGORN appeared!
AMAGORN: WHO GOES THERE.
Oh! There!
I am Yolo, son of Dodo!
Nephew of Benbow, whose exploits were bogo!
He shot down a dragon with his eighteen inch cannon.
... it was the only thing he ever hit with it...
You?
AMAGORN: I AM AMAGORN, SON OF WASAGORN.
Well that would explain the compound-eyed-lizard-suit look.
AMAGORN: IT'S NOT A SUIT. JUST ...
AMAGORN: DON'T LET ANY SPACE CAPTAINS GET THEIR HANDS ON SULFUR OR SALTPETER. FOR REAL.
... okay then.
Well, anyway, I have this gold bandolier of invisibility and I need to throw it into a volcano.
The Wizard Randolph told me to come here and that you could help me?
AMAGORN: YES. I AM VERY GOOD AT THROWING THINGS. ESPECIALLY LARGE ROCKS.
Convenient...
RINGWRAITH appeared!
RINGWRAITH: SHIRE... BAGGINS...
Oh sorry, you're in the wrong place, this is the County.
Shire's the next one over.
RINGWRAITH: ... APOLOGIES... DISTURBANCE...
RINGWRAITH ran away!
Okay now then where was I.
AMAGORN: THE BANDOLIER.
Okay, so supposedly it was made by Moron, spawn of Moregoth...
EMACWRAITH appeared!
EMACWRAITH: POTTER... HOGWARTS...
I dunno, the last I saw they were with Kasparov maybe?
EMACWRAITH: THANKS... BYE...
EMACWRAITH ran away!
... Okay, now where was I.
AMAGORN: THE MORON.
Yeah, so anyway, Randolph says that Moron is sending his goons after me to get it back...
VIMWRAITH appeared!
VIMWRAITH: IT IS PRONOUNCED MAU-RON, NOT MO-RON, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.
VIMWRAITH: I MEAN, UH... COUNTY... SWAGGINS...
AMAGORN: OH LOOK THERE'S ONE NOW.
... wow, it looks just like the last two weirdos... except buff.
VIMWRAITH: NEVER... SKIP... LEG DAY...
VIMWRAITH wants to fight!
Okay, let's go, go Spring!
Go! SPRING!
Ally AMAGORN sent out AMAGORN!
Enemy VIMWRAITH sent out VIMWRAITH!
SPRING is glowing!
... that means I probably don't get my turn, right.
Yes!
Ally AMAGORN used GIANT ROCK LIFT!
Ally AMAGORN lifted up a giant rock!
Enemy VIMWRAITH used MORONG BLADE!
... On YOLO!
YOLO's SPECIAL fell!
... ... wait, that's like ... why does my head hurt ... or ... something--
Ally AMAGORN used GIANT ROCK YEET!
SPRING used SKY ATTACK!
GIANT ROCK was YEETed into the SKY, and ATTACKed enemy VIMWRAITH by falling!
Enemy VIMWRAITH fainted!
... uhhh... I'm in a lot of pain here...
AMAGORN: ... THIS IS A MORON BLADE. FORGED BY MORON IN THE DARK HALLS OF BOREDOR.
IF I DON'T GET YOU TO ELRON QUICKLY IT WILL BORE TO YOUR BRAIN AND MAKE YOU A MORON.
AMAGORN: I HAVE TO HURRY.
AMAGORN used LIFT!
AMAGORN lifted YOLO!
AMAGORN ran away!
...
... Okay, AMAGORN slowly stalked away! GORN aren't great runners.
...that doesn't bode well for me...

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

I should have used these two much more in the past. This is like two years late, but better late than never.

Battle 133: Pikaman Returns 1/11/2023
Setting: Game 80% / Literature 20%
Player: Doc Moreau [1-3-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Combine Tree (Battle #93)

PIKAMAN appeared!
PIKAMAN wants to fight!
Oh joy. Let me guess, it's because I made you better?
PIKAMAN: Pi pikaman man pika!
.. oh, you're just level-grinding in search of devolution spray? ... Okay then.
Go! Door Man!
Go! DOORMAN!
Enemy PIKAMAN sent out PIKAMAN!
Doorman, Open!
DOORMAN used OPEN!
PIKAMAN's HEART was OPENed!
... but, PIKAMAN is not a SHADOW POKéMON!
It's not very effective...
PIKAMAN: Piii... Man man pika man!
... yeah, it really has been a long time since you were around hasn't it?
Last time must've been around when the first generation Team Rocket had all their Doompuff spinoffs.
Now there's a completely different Team Rocket under some sort of weird-o music man.
You were kind of supposed to be a main character weren't you?
PIKAMAN: *nodnod*
PIKAMAN used ELECTRO DRAGON!
It's not very effective...
Please, even physical Electric attacks aren't strong against wood.
Door Man, Slam!
DOORMAN used SLAM!
DOORMAN did a SLAM DANCE!
It doesn't affect PIKAMAN!
Enemy PIKAMAN used WARLOCK PUNCH!
It's not very effective...
DOORMAN fainted!
... raw power, huh--
Well I'm short on Pokémon, right now. You caught me right at the start of a collection run--
DMOREAU was dragged out!
... Anyway, I definitely don't know where Devolution Spray is, so if that's what you were hoping for you can forget it.
Enemy PIKAMAN isn't here for DEVOLUTION SPRAY!
What.
Enemy PIKAMAN says you misinterpreted!
Enemy PIKAMAN wants revenge AND levelgrinding!
Enemy PIKAMAN used WARLOCK PUNCH!
DMOREAU flew up into the sky!
... -- Not again -- ...
DMOREAU fainted! Use next POKéMON?

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

This is just straight up a vent battle, so feel free to skip if you're archive binging.
I was left without power for six days by the recent US-wide winter storm, and got COVID-19 during that time.
I've got power back and am out of danger, but still blehhhh.
This isn't exactly how it went. But it's been a bad week--

Battle 134: Six Days Out 11/9/2023
Location/Time: Mt. Winter Saturday
Player: Hiber [Lookup]

Wild WINTERSTORM appeared!
... Well, this is Mt. Winter... Wait, something's wrong.
Go! YOURHOMETOWN!
Huh, I didn't know I had that... Wait.
I see where this is going. Fudge.
Returnreturnreturn--
Enemy WINTERSTORM used FREEZING RAIN!
YOURHOMETOWN was frozen solid!
...
Along with POWER!
...
Along with FOXFIRE VERSION!
... Dang. It really is completely frozen. The whole Version.
Hoping it clears up by Wednesday, I got a battle to write...

Time: Sunday

I even went out into space... more frozen-rain-induced ice.
How does that even--
Wild KOFFID-19 appeared!
...
Can't escape!
Enemy KOFFID-19 used KOFF!
HIBER got a KOFF!
... *cough* ..
Congratulations! KOFFID-19 was caught!
... ugh ...
HIBER fainted!

Time: Monday

KOFFID-19 used ENERGY DRAIN!
It's super effective!
... nope, today is not happening.
HIBER fainted!

Time: Tuesday

It's 8 in the morning and I feel great, hey Lober, let's go check on our supplies--
Ally BARBEQUE is frozen solid!
... where are the camping stoves...
Ally CAMPSTOVE ran away!
...what about in the truck...
Ally TRUCK is frozen solid!
... everything's frozen solid isn't it--
Yes!
What about Lober?
Ally LOBER is frozen solid!
... Somehow!
Well that's a demoralizer.
KOFFID-19's attack continues!
It's not very effective...
HIBER fainted!

Time: Wednesday

... we're out of propane ...
And the battle's gonna be late...
And I don't feel so great anymore...
YOURHOMETOWN's frozen no more!
And the power?...
There's no will to fight!
Which means the version's out too...
... I am going back to bed ...
HIBER fainted!

Time: Thursday

... now they're saying it could be Friday night...
... *despair noises* ...
Ally POWER woke up!
!?!
It's back! ... Hallelujah ...
JANE: ... what's back...
LOBER: By your powers combined, I am Lober!
... oh, of course you didn't see it...
Nevermind!~ Just some bleed-over, probably-- Don't worry about it.
Now it's warmed up... Iiii am going to sleep, good night!~
HIBER fainted!
...
Enemy WINTERSTORM used LOOMING BACKGROUND MENACE!
Enemy WINTERSTORM won! ... even if it's not here for the moment ...
... let's hope it stays that way... Knock on wood...

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

There've been ... a lot of "collectible monster" games since the '90s. Some of them are craven ripoffs and cashins. Others aren't, but are repackaged or marketed as craven ripoffs and cashins by unsavory sorts (be that their owners or otherwise). Telefang was very good and innovative - or so I've heard. It was also released by bootleggers as Pokémon Diamond and Jade years before Pokémon Diamond and Pearl came out.

Battle 135: Hey Buddy, Hey Pal 1/26/2024
Setting: Palworld 30% / PokéBattles 50% / Telefang 20%
Player: Pal Tamer Orange [No Record]

I am Orange!
I have arrived in this strange world to capture rare and unusual Pals!
First! ... I need to go gather supplies. Time to punch a tree.
ORANGE punched enemy TREE!
Enemy TREE punched back!
ORANGE flew up high!
ORANGE fainted!

Time: Hours (and one revival) Later

... okay, lesson learned, do not punch the trees.
Fortunately, with how strong they are, this deadfall is super strong! So it's just as worthwhile. Maybe even better.
Now, let's go get some Pals.
Ally HANGING TRAP used SNARE!
??? was snared!
Oh, there's one now, let's check it!
??? was renamed JANE!
JANE: ...
JANE sent out POCKETKNIFE!
POCKETKNIFE used CUT!
Ally HANGING TRAP fainted!
JANE's snared no more!
JANE: Rude...
Oh! Another Pal Tamer!
JANE: ... I don't know what you're talking about.
Y'know. People who go out and throw Pal Spheres at Pals to capture them, and make them work for them.
JANE: ... Pokémon trainers. You're describing Pokémon trainers.
I have no idea what that is but...
No! We're totally different.
JANE: ... how.
Well, Pal Tamers capture monsters and have them do work for them.
JANE: ... and ...
Uhhh... When they're no longer useful, sometimes we butcher them and eat them?
JANE: After Team Rocket started selling SLOWPOKEHEADs in one of the late Red Version battles, still not seeing any difference...
The balls totally work on humans too!
JANE: That has literally been a thing since, like, the end of '99.
Well, uhh...
Sometimes we equip them with guns! Or pick them up and use them as weapons or shields!
JANE: ... Oh, hold items, that's been around since, uhh... Gold and Silver?...
JANE: So you're describing a Pokémon trainer...
... I am definitely not.
Anyway, we're outside the authorities' range, so I see no problem in fighting over it!
JANE: ... uh, okay...
TFANG TOM: Wait, wait!
TFANG TOM appeared!
CRYPTORIDE appeared!
...?
TFANG TOM: Okay, first, I'm Telefang Tom and none of what you just said was right.
JANE: ... enlighten me.
TFANG TOM: So, what a Pokémon Trainer does, is they go up to Electric Monsters, beat them up with the help of their helpful partner, like Kuripute here. CRYPTORIDE: ... my name is Cryptoride--
TFANG TOM: ... yeah, Kuripute- Anyway, then they swap cellphone numbers with them.
TFANG TOM: And level them up by getting 'em items they like! Like, Kuripute likes guns, phones, and buckets.
TFANG TOM: Then, when they need to fight, they call up their Electric Monster friends on the cell, and they come running to help. Might take a few minutes for them to get there.
JANE: ... you just described ... some sort of monster gang leader.
TFANG TOM: Yeah, a Pokémon Trainer!
CRYPTORIDE: ... it's 'T-Fanger'--
... So what I'm getting from this is that 'Pokémon' are electric gang monsters that you call on a cellphone.
JANE: ... No.
Right, well then let's fight!
Jane: *sigh...*
Come on out, Lifmunk!
Go! LIFMUNK!
Ally TFANG TOM sent out CRYPTORIDE!
Enemy JADE send out SMARTPHONE!
TFANG TOM: Aha! It is a phone thing!
TFANG TOM: Anyway, *beep beep boop boop boop beep beep*
TFANG TOM used CALL FOR BACKUP!
NEJIRO is en route!
JANE: No. I just have a phone...
Anyway! Activated skill, Lifmunk Recoil!
ORANGE whipped out MUSKET!
Ally LIFMUNK whipped out SMG!
ORANGE and ally LIFMUNK opened fire!
It doesn't affect enemy SMARTPHONE!
... what.
JANE: It's a Nokia.
TFANG TOM: They are the toughest.
ORANGE's attack continues!
... against JANE!
JANE: !!
JANE: Firewall!
SMARTPHONE used FIREWALL!
BULLETS hit the FIREWALL!
JANE: What the hey, you're only supposed to attack the fronting Pokémon, and what are you doing shooting!
... It's how Pal duels work!
JANE: Uhhh... That just makes you a very rude Pokémon trainer.
Ally NEJIRO arrived!
JANE: Smartphone, Network.
Enemy SMARTPHONE used NETWORK!
NET WORKed!
Really well!
ORANGE was caught in NET!
LIFMUNK was caught in NET!
Ally TFANG TOM was caught in NET!
Ally CRYPTORIDE was caught in NET!
Ally NEJIRO was caught in NET!
CRYPTORIDE: ... I didn't even get to move...
NEJIRO: Tell me about it--
JANE: Anyway, that's good enough for me if you're gonna frickin' shoot at me. Bye.
JANE ran away!
Hey, get back here, you--
Battle ended in a draw!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

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