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>>> Battles 101-105
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>>> Battles 126-130
>>> Battles 131-135
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>> MIDI Music
Battles 136-140.
Not my best battle, definitely some big missed opportunities, probably too preachy, and I still need to kick 131-135 to the archives, but it's on the right day this time and new plot.
Galleries from the Big Apple to the City of Angels were being hit. Priceless works of art and creative prowess were disappearing - and in their place? Forgeries. Forgeries without a hint of soul in them.
It was a rough case. I needed a clue and a drink, and I knew where I could find one of them.
The Hotel Mike-the-Eighth Bar.
I trudged in through the door like I had a monkey on my back ... only to see the exact monkey I was looking for, with red fur and a face not even a mother could love.
UM RED appeared!
LONGRAT appeared!
UM RED: So as I was saying, what we do is, first, we steal all the art.
UM RED: Then, we make computers make half baked copies and mix-ups of it.
UM RED: Ultimately, we redefine the entire concept of creativity out of existence, and keep producing content. Infinite money!
LONGRAT: And then ... We'll start selling terrible electric cars with lifespans so short they have a worse impact than gas cars.
LONGRAT: Market them to the environmentalists and the techheads.
LONGRAT: And get countries to mandate them.
LONGRAT: And then make 'em in company towns as a whole family affair, so all the profits go right back to us!
LONGRAT: I mean, look at how popular that mine game is. The children yearn for the mines.
UM RED: Brilliant!
UM RED: And so... We can get all the money! Ride this line to the moon, baby!
I whipped out my trusty Chicago typewriter and typed them up a strongly worded letter.
SAMXCVT wants to fight!
Go! CHICAGO TYPEWRITER!
CHICAGO TYPEWRITER used STRONGLY WORDED LETTER!
STRONGLY WORDED LETTER: ok first you are both a son of onion
STRONGLY WORDED LETTER: second all of those ideas are terrible, have you no shame
STRONGLY WORDED LETTER: third this letter is written in lead, die now plz
STRONGLY WORDED LETTER was renamed FULL MAGAZINE DUMP!
It doesn't affect enemy UM RED!
UM RED: Dude, we've built up an immunity to lead thanks to this guy's private jet. The avgas is still leaded.
It doesn't affect enemy LONGRAT!
LONGRAT: And we don't have any shame! Only greed. Greed is good!
UM RED: Line goes up, baby - to the moon!
LONGRAT: To Mars! Leave aaaalll the peasants behind--
UM RED: Anyway...
Enemy UM RED sent out UM CYAN!
Enemy LONGRAT sent out LONGMUSKET!
Enemy UM CYAN used MOUTH FOAM!
UM CYAN: ...aaraggarglebargle...
Enemy UM CYAN fainted!
UM RED: Eh. He was just autogenerated anyway.
UM RED: Maybe send out the whole crew.
Enemy UM RED sent out UM AIGROUP!
Enemy LONGMUSKET used BUCK AND BALL!
Enemy LONGRAT made a quick BUCK!
CHICAGO TYPEWRITER dropped the BALL!
CHICAGO TYPEWRITER fainted!
The enemy's weak! Get'm CHICAGO PIANO!
CHIGAGO PIANO used FOUR PART RAG!
CHICAGO PIANO: DUN DUN DUN DUN
Enemy UM AIGROUP's AIRGROUP was shot down!
What? Enemy UM AIGROUP is devolving!
Congratulations! Enemy UM AIGROUP devolved into UM -R!
UM -R fainted!
Enemy AIRGROUP kept going and crashed!
... into Enemy LONGMUSKET!
Enemy LONGMUSKET fainted!
Enemy LONGRAT: Wait, that's wrong.
Enemy LONGRAT used GOOGLE POKéDEX!
GOOGLE POKéDEX: CHICAGO PIANO, the 1.1 INCH ANTI AIR POKéMON. Overweight and obsolete on arrival, this anti-aircraft POKéMON has imposing firepower but a tendency to jam.
Enemy LONGRAT: ...
Enemy LONGRAT: ... well an immunity to lead isn't going to stop that.
Enemy LONGRAT: Yeah, no, let's work on the brain hacking implants somewhere else--
Enemy LONGRAT ran away!
Enemy UM RED ran away!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
Ideas not coming easily lately. Have more commentary or parody or something.
It feels good to be able to make more money sitting at my desk playing pinball than my office staff will make in a year--
Real shame about that red monkey man and his data money exchange thing.
Meee, though, my stock's going to the moon!
... As am I.
Or to Mars.
Totally gonna die on Mars.
NEWSNED appeared!
NEWSNED: This is Newscaster Ned, coming to you live from Xtreme Xool LetterX HeadXwarterX with famous trillionaire Long Rat.
NEWSNED wants to interview!
NEWSNED sent out NEWSNED!
NEWSNED used INTERVIEW!
NEWSNED: Mr. Rat, what do you have to say about recent allegations you were spotted in the HM08 Bar with wanted fraudster Ugly Monkey Red?
It's not very effective...
I MEAN.
I still go out and use Mental Herbs like anyone else, you know!
I drive my own fancy car, I commute to work, I stay at work 32 hours a day, you know I'm always working...
(Even if I'm sitting on my butt telling other people what to do...)
So you and the viewers should be always working too!
Always strive to be the best you can and make your employer as much money as possible!
LONGRAT used INDOCTRINATE!
NEWSNED: ... uh huh.
It's not very effective...
NEWSNED: What's with the company name, by the way? I mean, the whole building's in the shape of an X...
NEWSNED used X ATTACK!
NEWSNED's ATTACK rose!
It can make like fifteen sounds. I thought about naming the company XXXXX but khshhkskh doesn't exactly roll off the tongue.
And the RSACi cloud was menacing me.
Anyway, that's why we have XpaXe, eXdiXon, MindLinX, BorXing, and TwiXer.
LONGRAT used X DEFEND!
LONGRAT's DEFENSE rose!
NEWSNED: ... What about recent allegations that you're, let me seee...
NEWSNED: ... running some sort of demon tradeoff scheme? What is this?
NEWSNED used ARMOR PIERCING QUESTION!
I mean, totally bogus. I'm definitely not running an employee stress death life insurance greed demon soul harvest policy scam.
Totally not a thing I'm doing. Hahahaha...
Security get this guy out of here...
It's super effective!
LONGRAT withdrew LONGRAT!
LONGRAT sent out SECURITY!
SECURITY used TRAPDOOR!
NEWSNED: Anyway, that concludes the first part of our interview, now if you'd please--
NEWSNED greatly fell!
... phew, that's over, now to get back to...
TERRA appeared!
TERRA used ULTRA BALL!
Congratulations! LONGRAT was caught!
TERRA: Right... You know what I need, let's get outta here. Bye!
TERRA ran away!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
When in doubt, write a battle about writers' block kicking your butt. Hasn't failed me yet.
Enemy WRITERSBLOCK appeared!
Enemy 4AM appeared!
Ally VALENTINESDAY appeared!
Wait.
This is PokéBattles, we only consistently celebrate Halloween!
Ally VALENTINESDAY: ...
Enemy VALENTINESDAY wants to fight!
Enemy WRITERSBLOCK used BLOCK!
HIBER was BLOCKed on STALKERBOOK!
It doesn't affect HIBER!
Enemy 4AM used 4AM!
It doesn't affect HIBER!
Enemy VALENTINESDAY used CHOCOLATE!
HIBER was badly poisoned!
Oh heck it's because I'm a fox
... well, at least the drowsy won't kick in... Flamethrower.
HIBER used FLAMETHROWER!
HIBER used ALL POSSIBLE PUNS based on FLAMETHROWER!
... By 2022 or so!
FLAMETHROWER backfired!
HIBER was hit with backfire!
Enemy WRITERSBLOCK used TACKLE!
HIBER was entangled in TACKLE!
Enemy 4AM used INEXORABLE PROGRESSION OF TIME!
What? Enemy 4AM is evolving!
Enemy 4AM evolved into 5AM!
Enemy VALENTINESDAY used HEART ATTACK!
It's not very effective...
I'm required by the Edict of '99 to be absolutely heartless, especially to characters representing myself.
Including myself.
HIBER's hurt by poison!
HIBER fell asleep!
...zzz...
Enemy WRITERSBLOCK wo--
LOBER: Joke's on you! We needed to get a battle written anyway!
LOBER: By your powers combined, I am Lober!
LOBER used POST!
BATTLE was fully POSTed!
LOBER won!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
crab
Enemy CRAB appeared!
Enemy CRAB wants to fight!
Go, ye CD Burner.
Go! CD BURNER!
Enemy CRAB sent out CRAB!
One could almost say ... giant.
Enemy CRAB used RAVE!
Enemy CRAB is dancing!
CD BURNER fainted!
Then I shall send out ye big guns. Go. Pirate Ship!
The enemy's huge! Get'm PIRATESHIP!
Enemy CRAB used TSUSHIMA!
It's super effective!
Critical hit!
PIRATESHIP fainted!
Enemy KAMCHATKA: DO YOU SEE TORPEDO BOATS
Enemy KAMCHATKA also fainted!
Oh. I know what's going on here.
Go, Flintlock. Backfire.
Go! Flintlock!
FLINTLOCK used BACKFIRE!
But, it backfired!
Enemy CRAB used PINCH!
PIRATE is in a real PINCH!
For if this be a giant enemy crab with ye historical battles from Japan.
Then ye real time weapon switching is an option.
Which means. Return, Flintlock. Go, Cutlass.
FLINTLOCK enough! Come back!
The enemy's distracted by real-time weapon switching! Get'm CUTLASS!
CUTLASS used FLIP!
Enemy CRAB was flipped! It may not attack!
Enemy CRAB is fully flipped!
Cut ye ventral nerve.
CUTLASS used CUT!
Enemy CRAB's WEAKSPOT was fully CUT!
Enemy CRAB fainted!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
So apparently this is a thing now. I'm not sorry.
SUN used BODY SLAM!
MOON used ROLLING TACKLE!
DAY and NIGHT are ALL OVER!
MARX: Hey, hey, hey. Can you solve the alienation between the sun and moon?
MARX: You'll need to ask the giant comet NOVA for help.
MARX: But to ask NOVA, we'll need to unite the power of the people of all the stars around us.
MARX: It will be difficult, Kirby, but you can do it! Good luck!
KIRBY used CUT!
What? TWINWOODS is devolving!
Congratulations! TWINWOODS devolved into TWINLUMBER!
KIRBY used BEAM!
Enemy FATTYWHALE was hit with TWINLUMBER wood BEAM!
Enemy FATTYWHALE fainted!
KIRBY learned COPY!
KIRBY flew away!
KIRBY used SUPER LOLLIPOP!
Enemy KRACKO appeared!
... Enemy KRACKO fainted!
KIRBY used SUPLEX!
KIRBY used PINPOINTKICK!
Hit 37 times!
CHAMELEO ARM fainted!
KIRBY used HAMMER!
What? Enemy WHAM BAM ROCK is devolving!
Congratulations! Enemy WHAM BAM ROCK devolved into WHAM BAM GRAVEL!
Enemy WHAM BAM GRAVEL fainted!
KIRBY used PLASMA!
HEAVY LOBSTER was reduced to PLASMA!
HEAVY LOBSTER fainted!
HIBER: Actually wait, that's a good idea for another battle at some point.
HIBER used THIEF!
COMPUTER VIRUS was stolen!
KIRBY won!
NOVA: I will grant you one wish... >
MARX appeared!
MARX used BODY SLAM!
Looks like KIRBY's blasting off again!
MARX: Well, I want to start a proletariat revolution on POPSTAR!
NOVA: OK > 3,2,1, BLAST OFF!
??? used UNDERMINE!
CASTLE fainted!
What? KING DEDEDE is devolving!
Congratulations! Your KING DEDEDE devolved into CITIZEN DEDEDE!
ESCARGOON: Well, there's that, sire.
MARX: The Sun & Moon are fighting. Go find NOVA. All my plans worked!
MARX: POPSTAR is all THE PEOPLE'S!
MARX: Now, you can do anything! I must be going now.
MARX won!
MARX ran away!
...then again at least this way DDD can't steal all the food anymore.
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.