Pokébattles Foxfire

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Battles 146-150.

<< Older | 146 | 147 | 148 | 149 | Interlude | 150 | Newer >>

Directly picking up from WE#2.

Battle 146: ... Redemption? What's that? 6/6/2024
Location: Burnt-Out Field of Doom
Player: Terra [Lookup]

Wait, so ...
You... Legitimately want me to be one of the "good guys".
JANE: Yes
JANE: I mean you have literally saved us like ... twice at the very least.
But I want to take over the world.
JANE: Well, yeah, but like ... We can work with that.
JANE: Like, look at the alternatives.
Enemy CTHULHU CHUCK used ELDRITCH BLAST!
Enemy DOOMPUFF DAVE used LESSER JIGGLY DEATH!
Forces collide!
... Uh.
JANE: You know, they both kind of want to bring about the End of Days, just like ... in different ways?
JANE: Iron Mask is the same way but I doubt she'd appreciate the comparison.
JANE: Same for the Iron Nail or whatever they are... if they're still even around...
JANE: And I guess there's the lion dude who's trying to do a Disneyland but with more murder.
JANE: Honestly, by comparison, 'trying to take over the world' is, like. Practically mundane.
Point ... taken, I guess.
JANE: Besides, what would you even do if you took over?
...
... ... ...
Mandatory personal hygiene
JANE: See?!
JANE: Doompuff guys over there trying to bring the end of days and you're here trying to make Shower Sunday real.
JANE: Niiight and day.
... ... But I'm literally the bad guy, have been since the first battle.
STEVE appeared!
STEVE: Yeah, join the club... I mean I'm technically still on the Dark Side but at least I'm not 'the Skeve' anymore.
...
Bathe
STEVE: I did, that's why I'm not 'the Skeve' anymore.
JANE: Also as I remember, the unending void was the bad guy in the first battle.
JANE: Like, it's right there in the archives.
... fine, I'll...
Think about it.
Bye.
TERRA ran away!
JANE: So how are the end-of-days cults doing-
Battle ended in a draw!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

... last minute ... Somehow I'm still okay with this battle.

Battle 147: Stock Characters 6/13/2024
Location: Foxfire Resident Hospital
Player: Doc ~~Moreau~~ Smith [1-4-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Pikaman (#133)

... and that is my thesis and proposal for why you should let me evolve from Intern to Doctor.
You will note that it prominently does not feature dark scientific experiments for the purpose of uplifting and anthropomorphizing arbitrary entities for fun and profit and instead focuses on improved coverage for biohazard disposal systems.
INSURANCE IVAN: Okay that's great but ... where is the profit.
Come on, isn't there a whole ... thing with the do-no-harm ethic?
INSURANCE IVAN: Well yes, that's the Hippocratic Oath, it's for doctors.
INSURANCE IVAN: I'm in the insurance department, we run the Hypocritic Oath.
(... and they kicked me out for ethical concerns...)
INSURANCE IVAN: Anyway, your proposal would save lives, yes, but it would also cost us $75.
INSURANCE IVAN: And think of the stockholders, Mr. Smith.
...
INSURANCE IVAN: Look, here they come now.
Wild STOCKHOLDERS appeared!
Wild STOCKHOLDERS: $$$
...
Are we really doing this again?
HIBER: Every day until I get a better idea.
HIBER: Class warfare is ... it may or may not be funny but it's at least not unfunny.
Fine fine..
Go, Hitmonyeet!
Get'm! HITMONYEET!
INSURANCE IVAN: That's not any Pokémon I've ever heard of.
It's the evolution of a Tyrogue that focuses on throwing.
And definitely not the result of questionably ethical medical experimentation.
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS used STOCK FOOTAGE!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS used GRAVITY BEAMS!
CITY was destroyed!
No effect on battle!
Useless... Well, Hitmonyeet, use Throw.
HITMONYEET used THROW!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS went flying!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS's STICKY HOLD!
HITMONYEET went flying!
INSURANCE IVAN: Think of the stockholders, Frank.
INSURANCE IVAN: Think of them going so fast, and directly into that wall.
My name isn't Frank, it's Doc. Doc, uh, Smith.
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS kept going and crashed!
HITMONYEET kept going and crashed!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS used RESTOCK!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS's HP was fully RESTOCKED!
... maybe a Toss.
HITMONYEET used TOSS!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS was fully TOSSed!
... into BIOHAZARDDISPOSALBIN!
... *wince*
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS contracted POKéRUS!
Eneny STOCKHOLDERS contracted KOFFID-19!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS contracted MEOWTH SCRATCH FEVER!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS was badly poisoned!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS died a horrible, painful death!
Enemy STOCKHOLDERS died!
... and that is why you should go with my proposal.
INSURANCE IVAN: But think of the stockholders, Bob. We can't just be throwi--
INSURANCE IVAN: Wait ... They're all gone now... I'm free--
What? INSURANCE IVAN is devolving!
Congratulations! Your INSURANCE IVAN devolved into JACK!
... your name changed when you evolved?
JACK: It's a nickname, okay?

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

Based on the nightmarish Blue Wizzrobes from The Legend of Zelda.

Battle 148: The Terrible Wizzrobe of Aughs 6/20/2024
Location: Road to Level 6
Player: Yolo Swaggins [1-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Vimwraith (#132)

We're off to see the Wizzrobe! The Terrible Wizzrobe of Aughs!
LEGO LOSS: That is an exceedingly ominous name, but I only have one lego brick left... I lost the rest.
GRILLBY: ...
AMAGORN: THIS IS A BLATANTLY TERRIBLE IDEA.
Well we're here! Let's go in!

Location: Level 6

Enemy WIZZROBE appeared!
Enemy WIZZROBE used MAGIC!
WIZZROBE (R): WOOLOOLOOLOO
Enemy WIZZROBE disappeared!
See it's just the red ones, no problem...
Enemy WIZZROBE appeared!
Ally LEGO LOSS used SHANK!
Enemy WIZZROBE was fully SHANKed!
Enemy WIZZROBE fainted!
Ally LEGO LOSS got LEGOBRICK!
LEGO LOSS: Oh sweet I got a second lego brick. Now I have two. Enemy WIZZROBE appeared!
Enemy WIZZROBE used ADVANCING MAGIC WALK OF DEATH!
WIZZROBE (B): WOOLOOLOOLOO
Enemy WIZZROBE's attack continues!
WIZZROBE (B): WOOLOOLOOLOO
Ally GRILLBY fainted!
Enemy WIZZROBE's attack continues!
WIZZROBE (B): WOOLOOLOOLOO
Ally LEGO LOSS is in critical condition!
LEGO LOSS: ... at least I still have two bricks...
Enemy WIZZROBE's attack continues!
Eneemy WIZZROBE: WOOLOOLOOLOO
Ally LEGO LOSS's 2ndBRICK fainted!
LEGO LOSS: ;-;
Ally LEGO LOSS fainted!
Ah.
AMAGORN: AT LEAST IT IS IN MELEE RANGE.
Enemy WIZZROBE used DIAGONAL NOCLIP!
Enemy WIZZROBE used FAST NOCLIP!
It's super annoying!
AMAGORN: ... NEVERMIND.
... ... fine I guess I have no choice
Mr. Wizzrobe, we challenge you to a Poké Battle!
Go! Spring!
Go! SPRING!
WIZZROBE (B): WOOLOOLOOLOO
Enemy WIZZROBE sent out WOOLOO!
... oh this will be easy.
Spring, use Close Shave!
SPRING used CLOSE SHAVE!
Enemy WOOLOO had a CLOSE SHAVE!
... with DEATH!
DEATH used REAP!
Enemy WOOLOO's WOOL was fully REAPed!
What? Enemy WOOLOO is devolving!
Congratulations! Enemy WOOLOO devolved into OO!
WIZZROBE: Oo....
Enemy WIZZROBE is angry!
Enemy WIZZROBE withdrew OO!
Enemy WIZZROBE sent out WIZZROBE!
...
AMAGORN: WELL THAT LASTED ABOUT FIVE SECONDS.
At least it can't get worse?
Enemy PRIEST appeared!
AMAGORN: IT GOT WORSE
Enemy PRIEST: Wololo...
Enemy PRIEST used CONVERT!
Enemy WIZZROBE: WOOLOOLOOLOO
Enemy WIZZROBE used ADVANCING MAGIC WALK OF DEATH!
Forces collide!
Enemy PRIEST died!
Enemy WIZZROBE was fully CONVERTed!
What? Enemy WIZZROBE is evolving!
Congratulations! Enemy WIZZROBE evolved into WIZZROBE!
.. it.. turned red.
WIZZROBE (R): ?!?!?
Enemy WIZZROBE disappeared!
AMAGORN: THIS TIME I WILL BE READY
Enemy WIZZROBE appeared!
Enemy WIZZROBE used MAGIC!
Enemy WIZZROBE's attack missed!
Ally AMAGORN used EXCESSIVE VIOLENCE!
Enemy WIZZROBE died!
Ally AMAGORN got 1 RUPY for winning!
... phew ...

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

Something...
The last puns were definitely an effort to set up a subversion of expectations that didn't quite work out.

Battle 149: Of Leopards and Faces 6/27/2024
Location: Steve's Home Office
Player: Steve "Darksteve" Simmons [6-2-2] Last Battle: #130

Wild RESPONDENT appeared!
Hi, I'm Steve from Sketchy Research, we're a--
Wild RESPONDENT ran away!
.. sigh.. I mean, with all the office ... incidents, work-from-home is at least safer.
Still, what gives, you save the world a couple times and you're still stuck like this--
Wild RESPONDENT appeared!
Hi, I'm Steve from Sketchy Research, we're a sketchy survey company,
we're conducting a survey about leopards eating faces.
Would you say you favor or oppose sea lions?
...
And... would you say you favor or oppose leopards eating people's faces.
...
Those are all the questions I have. Have a wonderful rest of your day.
Wild RESPONDENT fainted!
Well that..
Enemy RESPONDENT appeared!
('Enemy' respondent?)
Hi I'm Steve from Sketchy Research, we're a sketchy survey research company.
Enemy RESPONDENT used VERBAL ONSLAUGHT!
It's not very effective...
(yeah, I've heard it before...)
Have a wonderful rest of your day.
STEVE used HANGUP!
... It didn't affect enemy RESPONDENT!
What.
Enemy RESPONDENT was renamed LEOPARD!
Enemy LEOPARD wants to EAT FACES!
Ohhh dear.
STEVE ran away!
Enemy LEOPARD ran after, in hot pursuit!

Location: Steve's Workplace

BOSS
BOSS: Yes?
So I know it's not my place but maaaybe we shouldn't be taking surveys from the 'leopards eating people's faces' group
BOSS: They pay well, and it's not like the leopards are eating our face. What's the issue?
Enemy LEOPARD appeared!
Oh just
That
Enemy LEOPARD used FACE EATER!
BOSS's FACE was fully EATEN!
BOSS fainted!
... well that's at least the third one...
Enemy LEOPARD wants to DEVOUR FACES!
RUN
STEVE ran away!

Location: Cliff BASE

CLIFF: Oh yo steve
CLIFF: What are you doing at my secret base
CLIFF: y'know this one at the bottom of a bluff
LEOPARD
CLIFF: i gotchu fam
Enemy LEOPARD appeared!
Enemy LEOPARD used FACE EATER!
Ally CLIFF used POKER FACE!
Forces collide!
... Ally CLIFF's FIRE POKER was fully EATEN!
It's super effective!
Enemy LEOPARD fainted!
Ally CLIFF gained 325 EXP!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

An interlude released in lieu of a battle on July 4, 2024.

Interlude: July 4 7/4/2024
Location: Fireworks Hill
Player: Steve "Darksteve" Simmons

FFVERSIION used FIREWORKS!
It's super sparkling!
Well, this is nice.
Good to get some time off and away from it all...
JANE: No kidding.

Location: The Moon
Player: Terra

FFVERSION used FIREWORKS!
It's not very bright...
Well dang, you can see 'em from up here.
A little.
Out of a telescope.

Location: Mt. Winter Cave
Player: Hiber

FFVERSION used FIREWORKS!
It's super loud!
HIBER used HIDE UNDER BED!
... only one night a year, only one night a year--

Happy 4th of July!
No full battle today, but have a small interlude anyway. On loud nights like this, please try to be considerate of pets and those with noise sensitivity and use fireworks responsibly.

Every 50 battles, someone is resurrected. The FF Land of the Dead is somewhat sparse, with room for shenanigans...

Battle 150: Third Revival 7/11/2024
Location: Land of the Dead, Portal
Player: Giovanni [4-3-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Iron Mask (#100)

BURIED ALIVE II appeared!
50MH appeared!
UGLY MONKEY CLUB appeared!
I suppose we're all here for the same reason.
BURIED ALIVE II: I want to actually be alive for once since I never was.
50MH: My lack of life lacks meaning without the ability to gratuitously torment Larry.
50MH: I need to come back to life before I have to actually reflect on the life choices that have led me here.
50MH: I mean, going backwards is my strong point, buuut...
UM CYAN: Money. More money topside.
Well, fellows. The portal opens in a few minutes.
I propose an alliance of convenience.
Goes like this. I shove you all in Pokéballs and we all resurrect together.
UM CYAN: What do we get out of it?
I'll give you ten Rocket Bucks. If we take over the world they'll be worth a lot of money!
UM CYAN: ...
UM CYAN ... Yeah that seems reasonable
GIOVANNI used POKé BALL!
Congratulations! UM CLUB was caught!
50MH: What the hey, can't get any worse than existing in a place without Larry.
GIOVANNI used POKé BALL!
Congratulations! 50MH was caught!
BURIED ALIVE II: No.
What.
BURIED ALIVE II: You've read Sandy Version, I'm sure.
BURIED ALIVE II: You know how that turned out with Joey.
BURIED ALIVE II: If we're doing this, I'm capturing you because the webmaster's gonna be out to get me either way and I'd rather not give them permission to send Death after me.
... Okay first there's no way that frazzle-brain actually had that much of a plan, and second ... Nidoking use Horn Drill
GIOVANNI wants to fight!
GIOVANNI sent out NIDOKING!
NIDOKING used HORN DRILL!
NIDOKING conducted a FIRE DRILL with its HORN!
FIREALARM went off!

Location: Mt. Winter Cave
Player: Hiber

FIREALARM used ALARM!
It's super effective!
. . . please no
HIBER used HIDE UNDER BED!
It's not very safe...
Look, I have Flash Fire, I'm immune to fire, I'm not immune to loud noise...!

Location: Land of the Dead
Player: Giovanni

Congratulations! Enemy BURIED ALIVE II was caught!
... wait, what?
Oh, while you were distracted with whatever that was I just had all my Pokémon beat him up. We fought already since otherwise it just would've been Battle 100 all over again.
...
... NARRATOR is unsure if that's LEGAL!
I'm a crime boss, illegal is my whole thing.
PORTAL used OPEN!
GIOVANNI went through PORTAL!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

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