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Nightmares
Color key: Game Text / Dialogue
Battle #151: All Hell Breaks Loose October 31, 2002
Location: The Land of the Dead
Player: Almighty One [Record: 1-1-0]
So Luke, you're telling me we can't open a portal to the real world until Halloween, eh?
LUKE: Yep. I originally thought that we could do it any time, but it turns out-- Oh look, it's Halloween now.
What the-? That was quick.
LUKE: Time passes very quickly when Red Version updates so little.
That new Matt Beswick webmaster is the laziest one yet.
LUKE used POWER CONVERT!
PORTAL to RED VERSION appeared!
Yes! We're free! FREE!
LUKE: I should warn you, when you pass through you'll permanently become--
ALMIGHTY ONE passed through the PORTAL!
LUKE: ...oh man, he's gonna kill me. Again I mean.
LUKE passed through the PORTAL!
Location: The Path Between Worlds
Yes! I'm aliiive. I'm aliiiiiive!
THUNDER used CRASH!
UNDEAD LUKE: Uh, anyway I think there's something I should point out--
MUAHAHAHA wait, why do you look like an animated corpse, Luke?
UNDEAD LUKE: I was trying to say… side-effect of coming back to life…
Wow, sucks to be you.
UNDEAD LUKE: …
Waitaminute.
ALMIGHTY ONE catches a GLIMPSE of his REFLECTION in a LOOKING GLASS!
Noooooooooo!!
UNDEAD LUKE: We also sort of have to drink blood to survive.
Ooh, so it's not all bad.
UNDEAD LUKE: Well yeah, if you're completely insane!
I think I'll go after Matt Beswick first.
UNDEAD LUKE: Not a bad idea. I just need to convert some more power and…
Location: Earth
Player: Matt Beswick [No Record]
Colour! Oh.. O.o Silly me, I'm acting English again.
MATT BESWICK sips a SPOT OF TEA!
Ahh… what a nice Halloween evening. I wager that I'll be seeing some trick or treatours soon.
NARRATOR hopes MATT chose some GOOD CANDY this year!
Of course I-- oh my, I do believe I forgot to buy candy. o.O I wonder if there's time to--
DOORBELL used RING!
Crap!
MATT scrounges for THINGS that could be INTERPRETED as CANDY!
DOORBELL is becoming IMPATIENT!
Uhhh… I'm coming!
MATT opens DOOR!
SNOT-NOSED KID appeared!
SNOT-NOSED KID: j0
Uh, hello. Can I uhm, help you?
SNOT-NOSED KID: You're supposed'ta give me candy.
Aren't you supposed to say "trick or treat"?
SNOT-NOSED KID: I'm too old for that. Just fork it over or I trick you into dying.
Uh, okay. Well, here you go!
SNOT-NOSED KID received LINT!
SNOT-NOSED KID: What the-?
MATT BESWICK slammed the DOOR!
Serves him right.
DOORBELL used RING!
Forget it, that's the best candy I had!
DOORBELL used RING!
Arrgh.
MATT BESWICK opened the DOOR!
Okay fine, but I'm only giving you one more ch--
ALMIGHTY ONE's ROTTING CORPSE appeared!
O.O
MATT BESWICK slammed the DOOR!
Im… impossible!
MATT slinks back UPSTAIRS!
AL GORE appeared at TOP OF STAIRS!
AL GORE: Vooote Goooore in ohhhh fooouuuurrr…
AAAAAAAAAHH!
MATT blinks!
AL GORE is no longer THERE!
WTF is going on?? Am I imagining things?
LANI: that was just a really good blink,matt
Oh Lani, thank God you're here. I thought I was going crazy for a second…
LANI: you are,matt
…?
LANI's HEAD falls off!
O.O;;;;
MATT SCREECHES like a LITTLE GIRL and RUNS back to HIS ROOM!
UNDEAD ALMIGHTY ONE is ALREADY THERE!
AAAAAH!
UNDEAD ALMIGHTY ONE: It's been a long time, Mattchu.
Wh… what do you want from me?
UNDEAD ALMIGHTY ONE: Isn't it obvious? I want to suck your blood!
But… why? I never did anything to you! I even tried to warn you things like this could happen!
UNDEAD ALMIGHTY ONE: Oh it's nothing personal, I just want my website back and I need to drink blood to live. It's like killing two birds with one stone.
That does explain the two dead ravens on the floor, but-
RAVEN 1: Nevermore!
RAVEN 2: On the floor!
RAVEN 1: Caw haw haw!
UNDEAD ALMIGHTY ONE: Not dead ravens, stoned ravens. There's a difference.
A highly disturbing difference, yes. So that's it then, after all I've done for you you're just going to drink my blood and leave my body for the zombie birds, huh?
UNDEAD ALMIGHTY ONE: Actually I was thinking of chaining you to the wall and siphoning your blood little by little, so you don't die and I can just live off you forever.
…
VIOLINISTS play STACCATO NOTES in the BACKGROUND!
Well, back to England I shall go. Toodles!
MATT ran away!
MATT collides with AL GORE!
GORE: uuurrrgghhhhhhhh….
Oh please don't think I'm food. Oh dear--
AL GORE has himself a NICE SNACK!
Cuuurrrseee yoouuuuuu… almighty…. Oonnnne…
ALMIGHTY ONE: MUAHAHAHA!!! COME, my undead minions! We shall now rule over Red Version!! HAHAHAH!!! HA! HAAAAAAAAAAA!!
SUN used RISE!
ALMIGHTY ONE: ...oh. Dang, party's over.
ALMIGHTY ONE goes *POOF*!
EVERYTHING returns to the way it WAS before HALLOWEEN!
Wow, what a nightmare. That's the last time I mix Vanilla Coke with tea.
Quoth the raven…
RAVEN: Vote Al Gore!
Oh, shut up.
NARRATOR wishes EVERYONE a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Just REMEMBER… the NARRATOR knows where you LIVE!
SWEET DREAMS…
MUAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
LANI's HEAD: odd
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #151
O T H E R W O R L D S
Battle #152: Shock & Awe April 14, 2003
Location: The Home of Butch
Player: Butch Urrh [Record: 1-5-1]
Urrh.
THAT is your LAST NAME!
DON'T wear it OUT!
I actually was going to wear it for my big date tonight, being as--
YOU have a BIG DATE? o.O
Urrh, of course. I met this nice lady and I was going to treat her to dinner and-
PARDON the NARRATOR but what the HELL are you TALKING about?
What the urrh did you expect me to do tonight, battle someone?
At LEAST play SOUL CALIBUR II or SOMETHING!
Don't tease me, that game isn't out yet.
NARRATOR dangles an IMPORT COPY of SOUL CALIBUR II in front of BUTCH!
AAAAAAAAAAH! GIVE GIVE GIVE!!
NOT so FAST!
YOU will have to EARN this GAME!
What do I have to do?
YOU have to do BATTLE against your DATE and be VICTORIOUS!
You want me to assault a woman so I can play a videogame?
THAT is a REALLY NEGATIVE way to PHRASE that!
Just how low do you think I am?
NARRATOR brings out a LIMBO POLE!
What the urrh?
<MrKite>: now dance puppet dance
I think you need to get back on your narrator medication or whatever the urrh it is you take. I'm going to dinner. Ah, there's the doorbell now.
DOORBELL used RING!
...er, I mean there's the doorbell now.
BUTCH was a little EARLY on that LINE!
My bad. Want to do it over?
Just GO with IT!
Alright then I'll just open the door and--
MISSING NO.: TEE HEE.
What the URRH?
MISSING NO.: HOW ABOUT A GLITCH. I MEAN, KISS.
What the urrh is THAT!?
DON'T you REMEMBER?
IT is your old ARCH-NEMESIS, MISSING NO.!
I'm sorry, come to think of it I can't remember anything from more than about 5 minutes ago.
THAT is pretty STRANGE!
NARRATOR remembers you doing BATTLE with MISSING NO. several TIMES!
It's just a bunch of floating ampersands and pound signs and anime eyes.
…?
You know, @ # ^^ and the like.
...very WELL then.
MISSING NO. wants to fight!
Urrh. Strangely this seems a little familiar to me. Maybe I should send out a trained attack dog or something to protect me?
WOW, you are REALLY out of IT!
SEND OUT a POKéMON!
Right. Weedle, go!
…
What?
BUTCH sent out WEEDLE! (snicker)
What is so funny?? I put my heart into training this weedle. It's gotta be like level 61 or something by now.
MISSING NO. used DISEMBOWEL!
Holy urrh.
PIECES of your WEEDLE are now STREWN all over your HOUSE!
That thing just tore apart my weedle with a pound sign.
MISSING NO.: TEE HEE.
STOP SAYING THAT!
I think I'm getting the hang of this now. I'll send out Onyx!
BUTCH really NEEDS some RUBY/SAPPHIRE Pokémon!
TALK about LIVING in the PAST!
Urrh. At least Onyx can't be disemboweled. That thing is tough as nails.
MISSING NO. bends a NAIL!
Urrh. Onyx, use your CRUSH attack!
Does ONYX even HAVE a CRUSH attack?
Cut me a break, Narrator.
ONYX used CRUSH!
NAIL was fully CRUSHED!
…
MISSING NO. used BEND!
ONYX is fully BENDED!
ONYX can't attack!
I'm going to die, aren't I.
You WISH!
…
MISSING NO. discovers that ONYX makes a nice PRETZEL!
MISSING NO. opts to dine on ONYX tonight!
I think I'm going to throw up.
THAT may need some NARRATION!
Urrrrhhh… how could this possibly get worse?
DOORBELL used RING!
…
MISSING NO. opens the DOOR!
BUTCH's DATE appeared!
BUTCH's DATE sees a BUNCH of floating @ # ^^ signs eating a giant PRETZEL made from an ONYX, accompanied by BLOOD SPLATTERINGS on the walls and BUTCH URRH using his VOMIT attack!
This isn't what it looks like!
BUTCH's DATE runs away SCREAMING!
What the urrh?? Life SUCKS.
WELCOME to RED VERSION!
TORMENT and PAIN are the TRADITIONS that the NARRATOR hopes to KEEP ALIVE!
And me? Do I get to be kept alive?
YES!
*whew*
UNLIKE your WEEDLE, you will SURVIVE the DISEMBOWEL attack, whether you WANT to or NOT!
Uhm, hold on I think I just thought of something.
?
Goooooooooo, YOURGAMEFILE!
YOURGAMEFILE? MISSING NO. will EAT THAT for BREAKFAST!
Well yeah. I'm going to e-mail YOURGAMEFILE to Bill Gates and delete my copy.
MISSING NO.: BILL… GATES…?
Go fetch.
MISSING NO. floats off to find BILL GATES!
That should keep him busy for awhile.
BUTCH wins! ...by using his BRAIN??
Fear my urrhified skillz.
THIS is UNLIKE the WORLD that the NARRATOR REMEMBERS!
Urrh. Guess I'll play Soul Calibur II now.
NARRATOR gives BUTCH an EMPTY BOX labeled 'SOUL CALIBUR II'!
But you said--
NARRATOR enjoys LYING!
Siiiigh… well, guess I'll go clean the blood off the walls. Doot dee doo….
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #152
Battle #153: Disquietude October 13, 2003
Location: Iraq, Red Version
Player: Garry Kasparov [Record: 1-1-1]
Brought to you by the admiral dedication of Ocean Version.
Ahh, another day, another pawn.
PAWN falls out of the SKY!
HACK KOR: PWNED!!
Wow, that's the third day in a row that's been taken literally.
NARRATOR is a VERY LITERAL kind of PERSON!
You're a person?
NARRATORS are PEOPLE too. :(
Did you just make a frowny face at me?
No! THAT was just a COLON and an OPEN PARANTHESIS!
As you KNOW, NARRATOR is a VERY LITERAL kind of PERSON!
You're a pers--? Oh wait I better be careful not to let the conversation go in circles or the Narrator could declare a stalemate.
CURSES! KASPAROV is getting TOO GOOD at this CHESS THING!
Well I *was* the world champion of Chess for Webmaster-only-knows how many years.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: No, you were not.
What the-? Where'd you come from?
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: I am he who brings truth. You were never chess champion, never! Only I could ever be, but the foul lies of the United States would not let me play.
I'm tempted to say "wtf"…
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Which does in fact stand for "When America Falls".
Uh… that doesn't even use the right letters.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Your letters are in the wrong!
Don't make me beat you down in a game of Chess.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: I welcome your challenge, American scum!
...okay, I'm not even American, my name is frigging Kasparov.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Strong words for one who is about to be soundly defeated at the gates of Baghdad.
Are we still talking about Chess?
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Yes. My army will crush you.
Very well, let us set up the Chess Board… of History!
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER sets up the CHESS BOARD!
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Checkmate.
Um… you just placed your queen next to my king.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: So?
So that's not even the correct way to set up a chess board.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Sure it is.
And even if that were correct, I can just take your queen with my king. It's still not checkmate.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: No, because it's my turn. I take your king with my queen.
...that would make you the first person in history to actually take a king in Chess.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: I'm really good at this. Checkmate in zero moves!
Hey Narrator, I want to fight.
YOU want to FIGHT?
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: No he does not! He is deceiving you with his lies!
Narrator, tell him I want to fight.
WHY should NARRATOR take orders from YOU?
…
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Ah ha, you see you are powerless to enter Baghdad, but Baghdad can enter you!
What the hell did you just say??
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER wants to fight!
Okay… must try to remember how pokey battles work…
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER sent out SADDAM HUSSEIN!
Wow, you captured Saddam Hussein?
SADDAM HUSSEIN: Actually I'm just a double.
IRAQI INFORMATION MNISTER: I thought we discussed you not saying that.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: My bad. I've taken a few too many cruise missiles to the head, perhaps.
Uh, I send out… wait, Hack Kor is here?
HACK KOR: b0wt tim3 some1 n0tic3d m3z0rz
JAR-JAR BINKS: Youzorz talk funny
Okay, apparently a group of annoying characters follows me around wherever I go. I guess that makes them the pawns.
HACK KOR: PWNED!
Go, Hack Kor! Crush the infidel!
SADDAM: You have the nerve to call me an infidel? My mighty followers will crush you!
Since when do you have followers?
SADDAM: I do when I play Battlefield 1942…
I can guess which side you play as.
SADDAM: Bet you can't. I play the allies and then I team kill everyone.
HACK KOR: THAT WAS U??
HACK KOR goes into a RAGE!
SADDAM: Uh oh.
HACK KOR pulled out SADDAM's STILL-BEATING HEART!
SADDAM: …
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: …
…
THE ADVENTURES OF INDIANA JONES! The COMPLETE TRILOGY available on DIGITAL VERSATILE DISC this NOVEMBER!
Ah, so that's why.
EVERYTHING the NARRATOR DOES has a PURPOSE!
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Actually, DVD stands for digital video disc, not versatile. Infidels.
I think he's got you there, Narrator.
WHILE at one TIME they MAY have been REFERRED to as DIGITAL VIDEO DISCS, the MANY APPLICATIONS of DVD MEDIA, including DVD-ROMs, have FORCED a CHANGE in the ACRONYM! It OFFICIALLY stands for DIGITAL VERSATILE DISC!
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: …
HACK KOR: PWN3D!!!!!11
Okay, stop saying that.
HACK KOR moves DIAGONALLY and FINISHES OFF SADDAM HUSSEIN!
Excellent. Although it's too bad I now have two pawns in the same row.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Fool! You did nothing. Your piece did not even advance.
Uhm, my pawn just took your… whatever Saddam was supposed to be.
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Saddam is alive and well! You have been halted at the gates of Baghdad!
Narrator, talk some sense into him.
ACTUALLY, the INFORMATION MINISTER is CORRECT!
…
KASPAROV has just LOST the BATTLE!
BUT I CLEARLY WON!
NARRATOR can't SEE how the IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER could ever LIE about such an IMPORTANT THING!
…
IRAQI INFORMATION MINISTER: Excellent. Now, it is time for us to conquer Red Version. Onward, Saddam doubles!
Fantastic, another villain who wants to conquer Red Version. Just what we needed.
HACK KOR: n33d3d.
Shut up.
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #153
Battle #154: Punch Out!!! October 23, 2003
Location: World Video Boxing Association
Player: Little Mac [No Record]
Excuse me, Doc you said your name is?
DOC: That's what they call me.
Why is it they call you that?
DOC: Possibly because I'm a licensed physician.
Oh.
DOC: But you didn't come here for under-the-table prescription drugs. What's on your mind?
Prescription drugs?
DOC: I sell by the kilo.
Uhmm I was told you're a part-time boxing coach.
DOC: That was a long time ago, kid.
I think I'd like to be a boxer.
DOC: Knock yourself out. No pun intended.
Well I was hoping you could give me some pointers and stuff.
DOC: So what, you want to go for the Minor Circuit?
Oh, I want to go all the way to the top.
DOC: The hell?
I want to become the Boxing Champion of the world!
DOC: Kid, you would have to defeat Mike Tyson to pull that off.
I thought it was Mr. Dream.
DOC: That's what they want you to think. You're the size of a paperclip. Your name is freaking LITTLE MAC. You do not want to do this, trust me.
Sure I do. I want to become the Boxing Champion of the world!
DOC: You will be killed.
Come on coach, give me a chance! Weren't you young once? Didn't you ever have a dream? Didn't you ever feel you had to do something to prove to yourself and the world that--
DOC: You're not listening to me. You will die. Your life will end. You will be punched in the head repeatedly by guys with names like Bald Bull and Super Macho Man. And then someone will base a videogame on you where the player gets beaten to a pulp within minutes of starting the game.
I always wanted to star in a video game.
DOC: Well, if you insist I suppose I'll help train you. But it will involve a lot of chasing me on a bike while you wear a pink suit.
Uh, why?
DOC: You'll see.
DOC gets on his BIKE!
LITTLE MAC changes into PINK SUIT!
DOC: Follow me, Little Mac!
DOC and LITTLE MAC travel through THE BRONX in NEW YORK!
STREET THUGS appeared!
Uh oh. These guys look like trouble, Doc.
DOC: Excellent.
THUG #1: Hey, a guy in a pink suit.
THUG #2: And he's chasing after some dude on a bicycle.
THUG #3: He shouldn't be disrespecting that guy's wheels like that.
THUG #4: Specially not while wearing pink.
Hey you guys better leave us alone. Doc here is a boxing coach!
DOC: This guy in pink is disrespecting my wheels.
THUG #1: LET'S GET HIM!
THUGS begin MASSIVE BEATDOWN on LITTLE MAC!
Doc whyyyyyyyy?
DOC: If you can survive these beatings then you'll have what it takes to survive in the ring.
Go, LICKITUNG! Protect me!
DOC: Sorry Little Mac, if you wanted to be a Pokémon Trainer that's a whole other ballgame.
THUG #2: Dude I think he just tried to lick you.
THUG #3: With his tongue.
THUG #4: Let's punch him harder!
30 minutes later…
THUG #1: My arm's getting tired.
THUG #2: I think he's dead, we should get out of here.
THUG #3: Dude can we get some ice cream on the way home?
THUG #4: …
THUG #3: ...what?
DOC: You still conscious, Little Mac?
I think my blood is bleeding…
DOC: I'm proud of you, kid. You took that beating like a champion. I'm sorry I underestimated you.
I don't understand… don't I have to learn boxing strategy to compete?
DOC: Well sure but that's only half the struggle. You just took 30 minutes of continuous beatings and you can still form sentences and stay awake. That's talent, kid.
Can I have 30,000 band-aids, please?
DOC: In time, Little Mac… in time.
LITTLE MAC's BLOOD leaks into NEARBY STORM DRAIN!
DOC: Come with me, Little Mac. You have much training to do…
DOC and LITTLE MAC leave to DO some training!
To be continued...
STORM DRAIN: …
STORM DRAIN: Blood…
STORM DRAIN: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh….
STORM DRAIN: Awake at last! The blood of that youth has finally revitalized me. Ever since that humiliating defeat to Poké Man have I suffered. Now I can finally realize my evil dreams. My evil ambitions. Mua. Muaahha. MUAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAA!!!
GARRY KASPAROV: So, I guess every battle from now on is going to end with a new villain proclaiming the imminent takeover of the world?
NARRATOR: In a WORD, YES!
GARRY KASPAROV: And in two words?
NARRATOR is not your WORD MONKEY!
WORD MONKEY: YES SIR!
GARRY KASPAROV: Thank you Word Monkey.
WORD MONKEY: The pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place. Soon my evil scheme to become King of the Word Monkeys will come to fruition. I will simply bide my time until--
GARRY KASPAROV: Shut up, Word Monkey.
WORD MONKEY: Ooo ooo ah ah ah.
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #154
Battle #155: Death Perception October 31, 2003
Location: Atlantic Milk Ocean
Player: Captain Pete [Record: 1-1-0]
Yarr… here I be, out at sea.
YEP! Just YOU and the OCEAN!
Arr. And this picture of Al Gore.
PICTURE of AL GORE?
Yarr, it keeps me company many a lonely night at sea. Mmm…
MATEY barges into CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS without KNOCKING!
SHUT THE DOOR!!! SHUT THE DOOR!!!
MATEY: Oh holy sweet mother of--
MATEY throws UP!
YARR!! How many times must I be tellin' ya! Knock first!
MATEY: Al Gore isn't real. Al Gore isn't real. Al Gore isn't real.
Don't ye ever be sayin' that! Al Gore is all I have out here…
MATEY: At least put your pants back on!
Pants? Yarr, pants are for land-lubbers. Out here it be all about the freedom.
MATEY: But captain, my eyes. They bleed.
Yarr, there be a lot more blood where that came from, Matey.
MATEY: Actually I think I'm about to pass out--
Hark!
MATEY: ...hark?
I be spotting a ship off our starboard bow.
MATEY: How? We're in your quarters.
Yarr… I can sense these things.
MATEY and CAPTAIN PETE go UP ON DECK!
MATEY: Hey, there is a ship out there. AHOY THERE!
Arr, be silent! It looks like it be a ghost ship!
MATEY: Oh come now, a ghost ship? You're just spooked because it's halloween.
Yarr. It be Halloween?
MATEY: …
GHOST SHIP used FOG HORN!
AAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
MATEY: It's just a fog horn, dude.
Yarr… guess I am a little spooked. Well then, prepare to board the vessel!
MATEY: I thought you said it was a ghost ship.
Of course it be! But we can't just be lettin' a ghost ship float around without plundering it!
MATEY: Wouldn't that upset the ghosts?
Ghosts cannot harm us, only scare us… think o' the gold! Pots and pots o' gold!
MATEY reminds you there's a FINE LINE between talking like a SEA CAPTAIN and talking like a LEPRECHAUN!
Arr.
GHOST SHIP draws NEAR!
YOU hear MOANING SOUNDS!
Oh, stop your moaning, Matey.
MATEY: That n-n-n-not me…
Arr, well then who could it be!
ZOMBIE AL GORE: Braaaaiiinnnnsssss….. Of delicioussss consumptionnn…
Why, it's Al Gore! Ahoy, Al Gore!
MATEY: B-b-b-but he's a zombie!
Arr, be he any worse than the alternative?
Location: White House
ZOMBIE GEORGE W BUSH: Weaaaaaponnsss…. Of masss destructionnnn....
Location: Atlantic Milk Ocean
MATEY: Touché.
Yarr. Let the boarding begin!
MATEY used BOARD!
CAPTAIN PETE used BOARD!
ZOMBIE AL GORE used BOARD WITH A NAIL IN IT!
MATEY's HEAD was fully IMPALED!
Arr Matey, ye failed me again.
MATEY: Actually I feel fine.
How can this be?
ZOMBIE AL GORE scratches its CHIN!
PIECE OF CHIN falls OFF!
Arr, 'twas a fine chin, too.
ZOMBIE AL GORE used BOARD WITH A NAIL IN IT!
Crtical hit!
MATEY's HEAD flew OFF into the DISTANCE!
A mighty fine blow, Zombie Gore.
MATEY's HEAD grows BACK!
ZOMBIE GORE SCREAMS and RUNS AWAY!
Yarrr, now see what ye did? Ye scared off Zombie Gore.
MATEY: I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm so unkillable today.
Well, let's get to the plundering, I get an uneasy feeling about this ghost ship.
MATEY: If it makes you so uneasy, are you sure you should be plundering it?
Just follow my lead.. Yarr, this room looks to be a treasure room…
MATEY: How come the door says ZOMBIE KASPAROV?
Hmmm….
HORRIFYING IMAGES of ZOMBIE KASPAROV saying CHECKMATEY float though CAPTAIN PETE'S HEAD!
Perhaps ye're right… we'll try the ZOMBIE LANI door.
MATEY: CAPTAIN, NO!
CAPTAIN PETE opened the DOOR!
ZOMBIE LANI: hi,pete
Yarr, madame Lani. Why be your hair hanging in front of ye're face?
ZOMBIE LANI: i was thrown down a well and left there to die. i lived seven days.
Arr, sorry to hear that. Say, do ye know where there be treasure?
ZOMBIE LANI: i lost my shoe. i wish I had one. it was untied.
Yarr, ye can have my shoe.
ZOMBIE LANI: thanks,pete
Don't mention it. Now, about the treasure…
ZOMBIE LANI's HEAD fell OFF!
AAAAAAAAAAAH! MATEY!!!!
ZOMBIE MATEY: Braiiinsss?
AAAAAAAAAH!
CAPTAIN PETE tried to run!
No escape!
No escape??
ZOMBIES: N.O. E.S.C.A.P.E.
I feel… so alone… is there another living soul in all the world? Narrator, are you up there?
ZOMBIE NARRATOR: Down here.
AAAAH! I must get back to my ship!
YOU only see a GHOST SHIP!
What? Where be my vessel?
Your VESSEL is ALSO a GHOST SHIP!
Im… impossible!
YOU were killed by DOOMPUFF a LONG TIME AGO!
THIS is your HOME NOW!
Nooooooooooo…..
CAPTAIN PETE was renamed ZOMBIE CAPTAIN PETE!
This cannot be… I can't be dead. I am living! I feel emotions like fear and regret! Feelings like itching! I itch so much… itchy itchy hungry. Braaaiiiinnnnssssss…
ZOMBIE AL GORE: Happy Halloweeeen! Vote Gore in ohhhh foouuuuuurrrrrrr...
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #155
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