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Infiltration
Color key: Game Text / Dialogue
Battle #121: Ancient Prophecies October 4, 2001
Location: Nostradamus' Lair
Player: Chester of Evil Incorporated
[Record: 3-2-1] [Allegiance: New World]
~ W A R O F W O R L D S ~ Episode III
Ah, what a magnificently evil day to be out for a stroll.
CHESTER is OUT!
...of his MIND! MUAHAHAHA!
Does anyone laugh at your jokes anymore besides you, Narrator?
NARRATOR glances at STONE-FACED Poké Battles READER!
NARRATOR gulps NERVOUSLY!
Now what was I doing out here…?
CHESTER glances at PIECE OF PAPER with the RECAP written on it!
Ah yes, Nostradamus.
NARRATOR mutters SOMETHING about CHARACTERS having no RESPECT for the BELIEVABLILTY of the STORYLINE anymore!
Cretin! Where are you!
CRETIN is still LOCKED AWAY in its POKé BALL, as it HAS BEEN for SEVERAL MONTHS!
..oh. Go, Cretin!
Go! CRETIN!
Sorry to leave you in there so long, Cretin.
CRETIN's EYE TWITCHES!
Silence, Cretin! We must find Nostradamus!
NOSTRADAMUS: The King will find that which he desired so much.
GAH!! I mean.. Where did you come from?
NOSTRADAMUS: Not far from the age of the great millennium.
...oh. Well, I was wondering if you could help us… you see, we're in the middle of this War…
NOSTRADAMUS: Two great rocks for a long time will make war.
Right, right--Immortus and the Almighty One. You see, I've taken control of the War effort for the New World--Immortus' World, and--
NOSTRADAMUS: The new land will be at the height of its power.
Will it? When will this occur, oh great fortune teller?
NOSTRADAMUS: Ten years equal to most the old one falls again.
Huh? Oh… the Old World has fallen once I see that.. But are you saying it will be ten years before it will fall again?? That sucks!
CRETIN marks its CALENDAR for OCTOBER 4, 2011!
NOSTRADAMUS: A very mighty trembling in the month of May.
Stupid Cretin, change it to May 4th.
NOSTRADAMUS: Thus the death of the great empire will be completed.
...which great empire? Poké Battles? You mean to tell me it all ends in May 2011???
NOSTRADAMUS: The East also the West will weaken.
No! Surely the New World will strengthen!
NOSTRADAMUS: A strange number, tears from the hooded men.
A strange number…? Could this be a reference to Little Red Writing Hood?
NOSTRADAMUS: The grandeur of the translator will come to fail.
Could that be the Narrator he speaks of…? This is all so spooky...
NOSTRADAMUS: And then Arethusa will color a new river red.
A new river red?? What could this mean…? Surely a reference to Red Version, but… Sir Nostradamus, what is to become of me?
NOSTRADAMUS: Killed or dead because of a weak brain.
...HEY!!
CRETIN begins LAUGHING MANIACALLY!
Silence, Cretin!
NOSTRADAMUS: He holds a flowering branch in his beak,
...my BEAK???
NOSTRADAMUS: but he dies too soon and the war ends.
LIES!!!
CRETIN points at your BEAK and LAUGHS!
AAAAAAAAAAAH!!
NOSTRADAMUS: A more hideous monster not seen on earth.
Oh, that does it! YOU SHALL DIE BY THE HANDS OF EVIL INCORPORATED!
NOSTRADMUS wants to fight!
Go, Cretin!
YOU already SENT OUT CRETIN, you COMPLETE and UTTER MORON!
I-- I knew that… I meant for Cretin to… use his GO attack!
CRETIN used GO!
CRETIN WENT…
Guh. are there a million possible puns for this or what?
...to BED!
Great.
CRETIN fainted!
*Sigh* .. Guess I'll have to do this myself.
Go, self!
The enemy's mystifying and spooky! Get'm, CHESTER!
NOSTRADAMUS: The learned enemy will find himself confused.
NO!
CHESTER is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Curse my weak brain! I mean… self, use my EVIL STARE attack!
CHESTER used EVIL STARE…
…as if THAT is supposed to DO something?
*AHEM*
Fine, fine… it didn't affect enemy NOSTRADAMUS!
Better.
NOSTRADAMUS: A soldier of fortune with twisted tongue.
NOSTRADAMUS sent out SOLDIER OF FORTUNE!
Enemy SOLDIER OF FORTUNE used TWISTED TONGUE!
Enemy SOLDIER OF FORTUNE's TONGUE is so TWISTED, that IT DESTROYS you!
...destroys me?
YES! YOU are DESTROYED!
Oh… okay… so, I lose?
IT is your TURN!
Weird… alright, I'll use.. Um.. Counter-twisted-tongue! HA!
NARRATOR gets the SENSE that YOU aren't TRYING anymore!
Give me a break, I have a weak brain.
OSAMA BIN LADEN appeared!
Wh--
OSAMA BIN LADEN died!
...what on earth was that all about?
NARRATOR just NEEDED to GET that OUT of its SYSTEM!
Geez… who was that anyway?
NARRATOR: …
CRETIN: …
NOSTRADAMUS: Loss of enemy and friend will not be.
Um… thanks for clearing that up, Nostradamus.
NOSTRADAMUS: No problem, dude. Er, I mean-- the charge given and the voyage of death.
Hey, you're a pretty alright guy… I don't even remember why we were fighting.
NOSTRADAMUS: The younger born of Nancy will be shut up.
My mother's name was Nancy… HEY!!
NOSTRADAMUS: His bloody hand at fire, sword and drawn bows.
SOLDIER OF FORTUNE's BLOODY HAND catches on FIRE, and PROCEEDS to draw a SWORD and SEVERAL SETS OF BOWS AND ARROWS!
...uh.
NOSTRADAMUS: Before the people blood will be shed
SOLDIER OF FORTUNE used BLOODSHED!
Soldier of Fortune sheds blood and faints?
SOLDIER OF FORTUNE sheds your BLOOD and you FAINT!
Curses.
CHESTER fainted!
NOSTRADAMUS wins!
NOSTRADAMUS: They will be driven out put to death chased nude.
You're a sick, twisted man, Nostradamus.
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #121
Battle #122: Nonviolent Combat October 11, 2001
Location: The Path Between Worlds
Player: Da Revolution Man
[Record: 2-1-1] [Allegiance: Old World]
~ W A R O F W O R L D S ~ Episode IV
The Revolution is upon us! Hear me all! I, Da Revolution Man will march upon the New World! Nothing will stand in my way!
GIANT ARCADE MACHINE is STANDING in your WAY!
What the devil is this?
GIANT ARCADE MACHINE was renamed DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION MACHINE!
...just what the devil is this??
DDR MACHINE: Hey, man!
And who the devil is that???
THAT is the DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION ARCADE MACHINE! IT is a HIGHLY-POPULAR JAPANESE DANCING SIMULATION GAME!
How frightening… I wish to go around this thing.
Do you WANT to DIE?
Pardon?
OBSTACLE is UNAVOIDABLE!
But couldn't I just walk around--
NO! IT is IMPOSSIBLE because… um… INSTANT DEATH would RESULT!
So how do I get past this thing?
YOU will have to DEFEAT THE GAME by DANCING YOUR WAY through a few SONGS!
Well… fine… they don't call me Dance Dance Revolution Man for nothing.
DDR MACHINE: I am ready to support your next effort!
Um.. Okay, let's get groovin' .. Or whatever.
BOOM BOOM DOLLAR begins!
It's thriller, darling You're a wonderful lover, baby (Ay, iyaiyaiyai)
Hmm.. Okay, so I play by.. Oh, I see.. The arrow comes up and I step.. Now!
DDR MACHINE: Boo!
Oops. Well, here comes another one.. And.. Now!
DDR MACHINE: Boo!
HEY! Maybe if I--
DDR MACHINE: Boo!
July, December Always deep inside of my mind Tell me why (Ay, iyaiyai)
MAYBE this would be EASIER if the lyrics at least made some sense!
DDR MACHINE: Are you WATCHING the SCREEN?
Shut up!
DDR MACHINE: Boo!
You keep a pocketful of green green dollars I love you though it's the time You're very hard You sound like a young fella Take me on the night
ARROWS are SCROLLING but YOU'RE not DANCING!
Dammit, I'm jumping around with the music, isn't that enough??
DDR MACHINE: Are you a MONKEY?
ARRRGHH.. Take that!
DDR MACHINE: PERFECT!!
Woohoo! I think I'm getting the hang of th--
DDR MACHINE: Boo!
Argh, I didn't even see that one…
Boom boom boom boom Shoot you like a bambar Boom boom boom boom At your order Boom boom boom boom Pushing all the buttons More time
DDR MACHINE SHOOTS you like a BAMBAR!
OW! THAT REALLY HURT, DON'T TREAT ME LIKE A BAMBAR!
DDR MACHINE: Boo!
DDR MACHINE: Danger, danger!
Arrrgh maybe I should push all the buttons like in the lyrics…
DDR MACHINE: Boo!
DDR MACHINE: Song failed! You really SUCK!
GRRRR… okay, I need to try a song that makes more sense…
HEY YOU begins!
Hopefully this song won't be as weird as the last one...
Hey You! Don't Do that! Do this! It's the Bus Stop bitch song!
...WTF??
DDR MACHINE: Boo!
NO! I'll get this… and STEP!
DDR MACHINE: Good
Okay, better…
Got no car no job no money no girls no love and that's not funny
DDR MACHINE: Great!
DDR MACHINE: PERFECT!!
DDR MACHINE: PERFECT!!
Yes!! Now I'm getting it!
no porshe no jag no woman no clothes no pitch and we ain't got a stitch!
DDR MACHINE: Everybody's CHEERING!
EVERYBODY: Yay.
NARRATOR thinks the ONLY REASON you're DOING WELL is because the LYRICS are describing YOU!
…… HEY!
DDR MACHINE: Great moves!
Once again G-mark and me doing a track for the boys A-C __ if the truth be told the name's Bus Stop, you know 'Good ole' and that's what gets me down no more pennies no more pounds but it's alright hey it's ok ev'ry dog's got to have his day
DDR MACHINE: Song cleared!
HAHA!
DDR MACHINE: I can see a dream in your dance! I can see TOMORROW in your dance! We can call it, our hope!
Oh my god, this machine has got to die.
DDR MACHINE: Did you have breakfast today?
What has that got to do with--?
DDR MACHINE begins SPEWING ORANGE JUICE and EGGOs at you!
Ackkppthhhh!
DDR MACHINE: You just became a HERO!
I refuse to be humiliated by a wimpy arcade machine!
DDR MACHINE begins shooting ARROWS out of its SCREEN!
AAAAAAAH!!
REVOLUMAN is IMPALED by MULTIPLE ARROWS!
You made me bleed! The machine made me bleed! WHY?
GREEN VALKYRIE appeared!
Valkyrie! Thank the Almighty One you're here! This machine is trying to kill me!
GREEN VALKYRIE: Hmmm? Ooooh, I love this game!
AAAAH!! Are you insane? That thing is of the devil! I have little flashing arrows impaled in my skin, can't you SEE??
GREEN VALKYRIE steps up to the MACHINE and begins to PLAY!
PINK DINOSAUR begins!
Dino dino, do-da-do-da-do You're a sweet little dinosaur Dino dino, do-da-do-da-do, You're a pink little dinosaur
DDR MACHINE: Your dance is so great, it's like sunshine on a cloudy day!
PINK DINOSAUR appears and throws a BAMBAR at you!
Killllllllll meeeeeeeee….
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #122
Battle #123: hehe, lol October 23, 2001
Location: Red Canyon
Player: John Movius
[Record: 4-1-0] [Allegiance: New World]
~ W A R O F W O R L D S ~ Episode V
Ah, what day it is, that I might finally do what I have wished to do for many a month, such that a mission such as mine might finally be accomplished.
NARRATOR activates the FLOWERY SPEECH TRANSLATOR!
Today, I'm finally going to strangle Midgyo to death.
NARRATOR PAUSES while READERS stop to CHEER and PARTY!
Okay Midgyo… time to come out and face the music.
Go! MIDGYOTO!
MIDGYOTO: hehe, lol
Midgyo, your evil has yet to be punished…
MIDGYOTO: i died twice tho
That's about eight times too few. I'm sorry, but your time has come.
OAK appeared!
Speaking of people who don't die enough…
OAK: MOVIUS! You aren't treating your Pokémon with trust and love!
How am I supposed to trust and love that??
MIDGYOTO: hehe, lol
OAK: I see your point, but…
Maybe I'll just donate Midgyo to you, Oak.
OAK ran away!
Yep, cold-blooded murder is clearly the only solution to this problem.
MIDGYOTO: your son of an onion!!!!!!!11
My son of an onion…? Eleven? What?
MIDGYOTO wants to fight!
I will fight evil with good! Go… um… Hack Kor?
MOVIUS sent out HACK KOR!
HACK KOR: w00t! I will r0xx0r u!
I guess fighting evil with evil will have to do.
HACK KOR: h4v t0 d0
...just shut up and fight.
HACK KOR: f1ghtz0rz
Geez, just attack or someth--
HACK KOR walks off a CLIFF!
What the-??
HACK KOR: m4d skiiiiiiillllllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
That was neither mad nor skillful.
MIDGYOYO: he's such a son of an onion!
Ha ha… I couldn't agree more Midgyo.
MIDGYOTO: i mean what an idiot, hacking and stuff
So true, so true…
MIDGYOTO: let's be friends
You're not such a bad guy, Midgyo… alright, I forgive you.
MIDGYOTO: can i have a hug?
Awww, okay…. Wow, an actual happy, nonviolent ending to a Poké Battle… I guess the world isn't such a bad place after a--*
MIDGYOTO STABS you in the EYE with a RUSTY SPOON!
MIDGYOTO: hehe, lol sucker
Such pain before I have not experienced, such that it should be understood that my feelings toward Midgyo are ones in the negative, and that curses uttered from me would be fully understandable as well, being as I am in a great deal of pain and--
NARRATOR kicks the OBVIOUSLY BROKEN FLOWERY SPEECH TRANSLATOR!
HOLY FREAKING HELL, MY EYE!!!! WTF DID YOU DO TO MY EYE YOU MUTANT IMP????
MOVIUS seems rather UPSET!
MOVIUS should count to TEN before he REACTS WITH HATRED!
STUFF IT, NARRATOR! I'M SWITCHING TO INNER-CITY LOS ANGELES BEATDOWN BATTLE RULES!
Oh dear, not again.
GRAAAAAAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!
MOVIUS charges toward MIDGYOTO in a BLIND FURY!
MIDGYOTO: hehe, lol look u have no eye, pun on blind haha
YOU DIE YOU DIE YOU DIE YOU AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh
MOVIUS obviously FORGOT about the CLIFF!
MIDGYOTO: hehe, lol so i win what a son of an onion
RETURN, MIDGYO!
MOVIUS decides to RETURN MIDGYOTO while FALLING to his IMMINENT DEATH?
MIDGYOTO: huh? uh oh
MIDGYOTO, enough!
DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!
Go, MIDGYOTO!
MIDGYOTO: o grate now i am falling too
THIS IS FOR MY EYE YOU SWIIIIINNNNE!
MIDGYOTO: son of an oni--
MIDGYOTO slams into the GROUND and is INSTANTLY KILLED!
MOVIUS slams into MIDGYOTO's DEAD BODY and WALKS AWAY without a SCRATCH!
Well, son of an onion.
o.O
What? I said something far more flowery than that, it just got translated weird.
….ah, right. NARRATOR is less DISTURBED now!
MOVIUS dusts off his hands!
Well, I managed to get rid of two of my annoying Pokémon today… I must say, things turned out even better than I had hoped.
HACK KOR: h0p3d
What the-?? Aren't you DEAD?
HACK KOR: w4sn't n4rrat0rzed, d1dn't h4pp3n
Geez… but how could you survive a fall like that??
HACK KOR: m4d sk1llz
Angry sk one "llz" huh? Whatever floats your boat, man.
HACK KOR: m1 b04t0rz
Dude, shut up.
HACK KOR: d00d
Don't make me toss you off another cliff.
HACK KOR: n0 0th3r cl1ff
If you don't shut up I'm going to treat you with trust and love.
HACK KOR: ….
That did the trick.
OAK: You can accomplish anything with trust and love!
Or with the threat of it…
OAK: MOVIUS! You have learned many things from this battle!
Wait, where did you come from?
OAK: MOVIUS! You have learned to treat your Pokémon with respect! From this will come many great things!
Oak, your idea of 'great things' is sitting in your house handing out Pokémon to idiots in red hats.
OAK: ...that really hurt.
Did you lose HP from that?
OAK begins to CRY!
Aww… I'm sorry… I guess even you have feelings…
OAK produces a RUSTY SPOON!
AAAAAAAH!!!
MOVIUS ran away!
OAK: *sniffle* … I was just going to invite him to eat noodles with me….. *sob* Why does nobody trust and love me?
HACK KOR: trust0rz and h0t luv0rz
OAK: ...stay away from me.
HACK KOR: luvvvvvvvvv
OAK ran away, dropping RUSTY SPOON on the GROUND!
HACK KOR picks up the RUSTY SPOON!
HACK KOR: ...3v3n i h4v f33lingz
HACK KOR: n0 w4it… i h4v skillz n0t f33lings… f33lingz suxx0rz
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #123
Battle #124: Fair Maiden October 27, 2001
Location: 10 feet away from the Path to Old World
Player: Green Valkyrie
[Record: 4-2-0] [Allegiance: Old World]
~ W A R O F W O R L D S ~ Episode VI
We hath arrived, Da Revolution Man!
REVOLUMAN complains that his FEET hurt!
Do not be such a pansy! You are needeth'd to be the bait.
REVOLUMAN: … "needeth'd?"
Thou dothn't know of my medieval speech?
REVOLUMAN rolls his EYES!
Stop'eth such behavior! We mustn't draw attention to ourselves, now that we stand in enemy territory.
REVOLUMAN suggests that if YOU are trying to AVOID drawing ATTENTION, PERHAPS you should put more CLOTHES on!
Oh come now, like anyone will notice.
REVOLUMAN: ...you do realize that there are no known females in the New World, right?
...uh oh.
CHAD LAWSON appeared!
Oh my! Um… I greet thee, fellow resident of New World.
CHAD LAWSON is STARING at you!
Er… excuse me, I ask thee this in a completely casual, non-spying sort of way, but where might the New World's military headquarters be?
CHAD LAWSON: Um… let me think… I know I uhhh saw it recently…
My face is up here, good sir.
CHAD LAWSON: My bad. Tell ya what, I'll give you the information you want to know, but first… you must take an oath of loyalty!
Pardon?
CHAD LAWSON: You must pledge to worship Doompuff and all its Evil glory!
Thou art serious? Doompuff hath nearly destroyed us all.
CHAD LAWSON: Someday, Doompuff will rise again… and We, the Chosen, will rule the world…
Just what is this preoccupation all you NPC's haveth about ruling the world?
NARRATOR says that RULING THE WORLD is ACTUALLY rather FUN!
Nobody asked you, disembodied-boy.
NARRATOR has always WANTED to be a REAL BOY…
NARRATOR has GOT no STRINGS to HOLD it DOWN!
HOWEVER, these ACCURSED METAL CHAINS must GO!
REVOLUMAN: Good lord, that was a disturbing revelation, Narrator.
CHAD LAWSON: If you refuse to join us, we have no choice but to destroy you!
"We?"
CHAD LAWSON: Umm yeah me an' my friend Nick. But I'm almost 12 so I can kick your arse!
If thy foot comes anywhere near my arse I shall be certain to make you regret it.
CHAD LAWSON: Okay, but you asked for it!
CHAD LAWSON wants to fight!
Beating on kids seems so dishonorable…
DA REVOLUTION MAN: Yes! Finally someone who I have the ability to beat into the ground!
Enemy CHAD LAWSON sent out GAME BOY ADVANCE!
CHAD LAWSON: C'mon, my Pikachu can whoop you good.
...thou dost intend to fight a Poké Battle during a Poké Battle? How ridiculous shall this become?
Ally REVOLUMAN: Ha ha, we'll see about that, kid!
Ally REVOLUMAN sent out GAME BOY!
Thour't both insane…
CHAD LAWSON: Ha you have a big old Game Boy and I have a compact Game Boy Advance. Loser.
REVOLUMAN: Save it for the battlefield, kid...
CHAD LAWSON and REVOLUMAN fight a NO-DOUBT VERY-EXCITING battle, judging from the EXPRESIONS on their FACES!
Maybe thou should'st narrate their battle?
NARRATOR REFUSES on the grounds that ANYTHING that has ANYTHING even REMOTELY to do with POKéMON SUCKS!
Oh. Um, wait but--
No! NARRATOR is not backing DOWN! NARRATOR refuses to PARTICPATE in ANYTHING RELATED to that HORRID GAME!
I am so terribly confused.
GREEN VALKYRIE is confused!
It BROKE A NAIL in its CONFUSION!
Damn!
CHAD LAWSON: Ha ha, just nailed you with my THUNDER attack! And I've got five more Pikachus where this came from.
REVOLUMAN: Screw this!
REVOLUMAN bashes CHAD LAWSON over the HEAD with his LARGE GAME BOY!
Hey! We need'th him alive!
CHAD LAWSON's SKULL-INEGRITY sharply fell!
CHAD LAWSON fainted!
Thy desire for bloodlust hath eliminated our one good lead…
REVOLUMAN: But look on the bright side! I finally won a battle!
...thou didst bash a kid's head open with a Game Boy.
REVOLUMAN: Geez, if you want to get all technical about it…
NARRATOR gets BORED and starts to FOCUS on OTHER THINGS!
Meanwhile, a Shadowy Figure continued to watch events unfold.
"Muahaha… little do those fools know that I am always watching them… and that my true identity is... NARRATOR! GET BACK TO WORK!"
What was all that about?
OOPS! NARRATOR accidentally SLIPPED into FANFIC MODE!
...kinda like how DA REVOLUTION MAN just SLIPPED on a BANANA PEEL!
REVOLUMAN: Huh? GEEZ! OW!!
Such a fate thou didst deserveth.
What suggestions hath thou as to how to find the New World's Military Headquarters?
REVOLUMAN: Umm isn't it that big building with the nuclear missile silo right in front of us?
...huh?
Location: New World Military Headquarters
Well… that doth make things easier.
ENTIRE NEW WORLD MILITARY suddenly SURROUNDS YOU!
...or harder, depending on how you look at it.
ENTIRE NEW WORLD MILITARY DEMANDS to KNOW who you ARE!
Why, I am merely a mild-mannered New World citizen, good sirs.
ENTIRE NEW WORLD MILITARY wants to know HOW you EXPLAIN the GAMEBOY-SHAPED DENT in CHAD LAWSON's HEAD!
Ummmmm, this Revolution guy did it.
REVOLUMAN: Who're you gonna believe, some random scantily-clad female warrior or ME??
ENTIRE NEW WORLD MILITARY: …
ENTIRE NEW WORLD MILITARY begins MASSIVE BEATDOWN on DA REVOLUTION MAN!
Exactly according to the plan… and now…
YOU manage to SLIP AWAY while the MILITARY is distracted with RIPPING OFF REVOLUMAN's APPENDAGES!
Whew… now to find what I didst really come here for…
JOHN MOVIUS appeared!
MOVIUS: …fair maiden.
Gentle sir…
To be continued...
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #124
Battle #125: Trust and Love October 28, 2001
Location: One mile away from the Path to Old World
Player: John Movius [Record: 5-1-0] [Allegiance: New World]
~ W A R O F W O R L D S ~ Episode VII
Such a vision I have seen only in my dreams, such that it could not be denied that my expectancy of a situation such as this might only serve to further my denial, yet when such an occurrence brings itself to the fore, I become helpless once more with feelings that I have yet to fully understand--
SPEAKING of FULLY UNDERSTANDING, NARRATOR activates the FLOWERY-SPEECH TRANSLATOR!
Um… hi.
GREEN VALKYRIE: Is there no one around? I hath a wish to greet thee more properly.
Not a soul for miles, fair maiden.
GREEN VALKYRIE grins MISCHIEVOUSLY!
O fair maiden, mischievousness doesn't suit you… wait, is that a word? Mischievousness? Mischievisity? Mischievorosity? Mis--
GREEN VALKYRIE used LOVELY KISS!
...attack continued!
...attack continued!
Uhm… GREEN VALKYRIE continues to use LOVELY KISS?
…attack continued!
*cough* erm… GREEN VALKYRIE used LOVELY KISS!
o.O
O.O;;;
Not enough PP for LOVELY KISS!
GREEN VALKYRIE: Awww…
*gaaassp*
NARRATOR had to THINK QUICK or THINGS could have become really AWKWARD!
I thank you, fair maiden… I did miss you so…
GREEN VALKYRIE: And I you, gentle sir…
GREEN VALKYRIE stares at JOHN MOVIUS!
JOHN MOVIUS stares at GREEN VALKYRIE!
NARRATOR stares at a CLOUD PASSING BY!
CLOUD: Seeeppphhirooooothhhhhh….
NARRATOR becomes FRIGHTENED and turns its ATTENTION back to whatever MOVIUS and VALKYRIE are DOING!
GREEN VALKYRIE is using... LICK??
….THAT is just NOT RIGHT!
HACK KOR: h0t luv0rz
AAAAAAAAH!
GREEN VALKYRIE: EEEEEEEEK!
Where did you come from, Hack??
HACK KOR: i wuz 4lw4ys h33r
GREEN VALKYRIE: How couldst I not have noticed him?
I was certain we were alone…
HACK KOR: i w4z h1d1ng b3h1nd m1 rusty sp00n
HACK KOR shows you his RUSTY SPOON!
Eww, put that thing away already.
HACK KOR: i w4nt luv
Are you kidding? Nobody could love you.
HACK KOR begins to CRY!
GREEN VALKYRIE: Poor soul…
He has no soul, trust me.
HACK KOR: All 1 3v3r w4nt3d w4z s0m3 h0t luv
Arrrgh, you DIE NOW!
CHESTER appeared!
CHESTER wants to know why you're STRANGLING the 1337-speaking HACKER!
CHESTER realizes he just ANSWERED his own QUESTION!
What is it you want, Chester… I do not do your bidding anymore, you know.
CHESTER: Well, maybe not… but in any case, you've done an excellent job in capturing this Old Worldian…. Green Valkyrie, I believe it is?
Uhh, no... this is just a Ditto that had a run-in with the Valk earlier today.
CHESTER: I see… but then that must mean that the Green Valkyrie is here somewhere in the New World! We must find her!
Uhmm I'll let you know if I find anything.
CHESTER: I am off!
CHESTER ran away!
Idiot.
GREEN VALKYRIE: Thou has demonstrated much cunning, gentle sir.
HACK KOR: h3 l4ckz gentl3 sk1llz th0
Shut up!
GREEN VALKYRIE: Perhaps he would be less irritable if he were shown some love, gentle sir.
HACK KOR: h0t luv!
I refuse to show any "hot love" to that guy. Why don't we just kill him, that'd solve the problem.
GREEN VALKYRIE: Wouldst thou mind if I bestowed a LOVELY KISS upon the poor hacker?
...you don't have enough PP, remember?
GREEN VALKYRIE: Hmmmmm….
HACK KOR: |-|mmmmmm….
You're not thinking what I think you're thinking, are you…?
10 minutes later...
Location: Poké Center
Umm… this is my "Ditto" … and I need to have its "Lovely Kiss" attack restored, please…
NURSE JOY stares at GREEN VALKYRIE!
NURSE JOY: My God sir, that is not a recommended use for your Ditto!
It's a long story…
NURSE JOY: Geez, uhh… just sit up on the counter here, miss…
GREEN VALKYRIE is fighting fit!
Alright, now let's get out of here before--
CHESTER broke into the POKé CENTER!
--that happens.
CHESTER: You tricked me! There aren't any Pokémon in the New World!
How do you explain this Poké Center?
CHESTER: How do you explain an Ocean made up of expired milk??
...point.
CHESTER: I demand you hand over Green Valkyrie!
Never!
CHESTER wants to fight!
Ally GREEN VALKYRIE wants to fight!
Let's rock, bad person!
NURSE JOY: What the hell kind of opening was that??
Trust me, it sounded better before it was translated from "flowery speech"
Go! HACK KOR!
CHESTER sent out CRETIN!
Enemy CRETIN used SAVAGE BITE!
HACK KOR was SAVAGELY BITTEN!
HACK KOR: 0w.. i d0n't th1nk i c4n d0 th1s…
Don't give up, Hack Kor! I trust in your abilities!
HACK KOR: tru5t…
Ally GREEN VALKYRIE used LOVELY KISS on HACK KOR!
HACK KOR: luvvvvvvv…
HACK KOR begins to GLOW with a MYSTERIOUS AURA!
HACK KOR is getting pumped!
Go for it, Hack Kor! You can do it!
HACK KOR throws RUSTY SPOON at enemy CRETIN!
RUSTY SPOON nailed enemy CRETIN in the HEART!
Enemy CRETIN fainted!
CHESTER: ...Chester's in a jam!
CHESTER ran away!
Whew… that was close.
GREEN VALKYRIE: Such amazing power… my love combined with your trust… could it be…?
OAK: It's what I've been telling all of you this whole time! Trust and love can do wondrous things for a Pokémon! It's the same basic principle behind why Ash's Pikachu could illogically defeat anything! Trust and love bring out special abilities in a Pokémon!
...wasn't Ash eaten by a Mewtwo?
OAK: Yes! Because the Mewtwo was trusted and loved far more than that screwy kid was!
...ah.
GREEN VALKYRIE: We hath learned many great lessons today, dear Movius.
Yes, lessons I shall cherish forever. Remember kids, trust and love!
~ And everyone lived happily ever after. Until later that day, when the entire might of the military descends upon our heroes and they find that trust and love are no match for automatic machine guns and grenades. Battle #126, coming up next! ~
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