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Dash Kvetchum has a stroke of bad luck in
these battles, losing to Bulblight, his own new Pokémon, and Rich, the Million
City gym leader. Then, Superguy and MCZ set out to Black Version to
help bash Hammy, which destroys Emerald’s tyrant problem for the time being. Billy
Bob picks up a win, some alien creams a covert agent, and all kinds of antics
in this installment of Emerald Version Poké Battles!
Battle #51: Catch Pokémon! July 8, 2000
Setting: A Field
Player: Dash Kvetchum [4-0-0]
POST COMMENTS ON BATTLE #51: Catch
Pokémon!
– Click
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Ah, now to catch some Pokémon!
DASH is at a FIELD!
Wild BULB-
Bulbasaur! Yahoo!
-LIGHT appeared!
A Bulblight?
POKéDEX: BULBLIGHT! An INCANDESCENT Pokémon.
It is very useful in tunnels and caves to light the way.
Hmm.… Go, Turbo Ball!
DASH used TURBO BALL!
…
Well?!
BULBLIGHT was caught!
Yes! I gotta Bulblight!
Lemme see my new Pokémon!
Go, BULBLIGHT!
BULBLIGHT: Bulblight! Bulba! Light!
Eh? I can’t understand it.
BULBLIGHT whines!
BULBLIGHT is hungry!
BULBLIGHT is thirsty!
BULBLIGHT wants toys!
BULBLIGHT wants money!
GROAN…
BULBLIGHT wants to know where its toys, food,
drinks, and money are!
Um..
BULBLIGHT is angry!
BULBLIGHT used FILAMENT WHIP!
DASH fainted!
BULBLIGHT wins!
Battle #52: The Rich Leader (Or was it Rich
the Leader?) July 8, 2000
Setting: Million City (Vermilion Spin-off)
Player: Dash Kvetchum [4-1-0]
POST COMMENTS ON BATTLE #52: The
Rich Leader
– Click
Here
Here is Million City! Now to battle!
RICH appeared!
A name fit for a millionaire. What type of Pokémon do you
use?
RICH: Rich!
Huh?
RICH: Rich ones! You will lose!
Oh. We’ll see about that!
Go, Dr. E!
Get’m, DR. E!
RICH sent out BILL GATES!
Whoa! Doc E, time for One Hit KO!
DR. E used instead, TWELVE HIT KO!
BILL
GATES was hit!
No!
BILL GATES used SUE!
DR. E was sued!
DR.
E fainted!
Uh oh… I’m on a losing streak…
Wait! I have an idea!
Oh, that’s not an idea. It’s Bulblight, my new Pokémon, and
it’s floating on my head!
Go, BULBLIGHT!
Take your best shot!
BULBLIGHT used FILAMENT WHIP!
BILL GATES sued FILAMENT away!
It
was hit with recoil!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
BULBLIGHT fainted!
DASH lost to RICH!
RICH:
I knew you couldn’t win! Gahahahahaha!
Nooo… *SOB*
Battle #53: The Hammy Epic Begins July 12, 2000
Setting: The Streets of Emerald Version
Player: Superguy [1-2-1]
Note: This is a crossover with Black Version.
What’s this in the Emerald Inquirer?!
Evil has arisen?!
The EVIL is HAMMY THE HAMSTER!
A hamster… Not the one…who…Ultraguy..
HELPFUL LITTLE EXPLANATION: SUPERGUY’S little brother ULTRAGUY was taken PRISONER by HAMMY!
…. Ultra…guy…
SUPERGUY is remembering THINGS!
I didn’t think that vile hamster was still alive!
I shall avenge Ultraguy!
Time to call a couple of friends…
*RING*
BURGLAR: Hello?
Hi, it’s Superguy.
BURGLAR: Whaddya want?
Can you send over a powerful ally? There’s this evil force
in another version that I need to defeat.
BURGLAR: I have just the one… He’s gonna be at yer place in 10 minutes, okay?
Good! Thanks.
*CLICK beep-beep-beep*
Now to find Hammy’s hideout!
Got a little info for me, Narrator?
HAMMY is in BLACK VERSION!
What?
You mean the accursed Limbo, land of the dead?
YES!
To get
there, I would have to DIE!
THAT is CORRECT!
Okay
then…
STREET MERCHANT appeared!
MERCHANT: Heya! I’m selling Joey’s
Instant Suicide potion, wouldja like some?
Yes,
how’d you know?
MERCHANT hands SUPERGUY the SUICIDE POTION!
<Gulp,
gulp, gulp>
MCZ appeared!
Where’d
you come from?
MCZ: You Superguy? I’m supposed to travel to Black Ver-
Huh? YOU?
Fine, take a drop of this.
MCZ gulps some SUICIDE POTION!
It
doesn’t seem to be…
SUPERGUY and MCZ died!
Hmm.
Nothing’s happening. We’re not even lifeless corpses on the floor!
Eve: Looks like he’s locked us in
some sort of cell...
DoubleD: Oh PM... Why did you have to die... Oh.. and.. yah.. what you said was
stupid and obvious. I'm too depressed to think of a clever retort now though...
I'll let the readers do that.
Eve: Do you think grieving will get us out of here?
Huh?
This must be Black Version!
A few minutes later…
MEWTWO: Damn. You know, he does that often, too.
Mr. Khan: Pfft, who cares, he’s a CRICKET! What possible harm could he do now
that he’s gone?
Ha… None of those fools see us,
Z!
MCZ: You’re right!
Now we can find Hammy and destroy
him!
DoubleD: Hey, what’s that, Eve?
Eve: What? What’s what?
DoubleD: A big burly guy and a man in a cape!!
Eve: I see! Who are those people?
Oh no! They see us!
To be continued at Black Version…
Battle #54: Computer Room Combat July 14, 2000
Setting: Computer Room
Player: Computer [0-0-0]
Note: A friend of mine, who has no
version, mostly wrote this, but it isn’t a fan battle, since I helped a little.
Hahahahahahahahaha! I am the almighty
computer! Nothing can defeat me!
I could have you all finished off
in seconds!
CALCULATOR: According to my calculations… Impossible!!!
SPEAKERS: So you primitive computer, wanna' give it some more thought? Ha!
We'll see who has the last laugh!
Come on!
COMPUTER wants to fight!
COMPUTER sent out COMPUTER!
SPEAKERS: Alrighty then!
SPEAKERS sent out SPEAKERS!
COMPUTER used I'M IN CHARGE!
I’m the top guy here!
COMPUTER disconnected SPEAKERS!
SPEAKERS have no power!
SPEAKERS fainted!
Ha! Want this to happen to you?
CALCULATOR: Just try it you out of date piece of junk!
COMPUTER used I'M IN CHARGE!
No effect!
Dangit!
CALCULATOR used ADVANCED ALGEBRA!
The ALGEBRA is too COMPLICATED!
CALCULATOR is confused!
It hurt itself to confusion!
Hah!
CALCULATOR fainted!
Who's next?
Hey! Telephone! How 'bout you?
TELEPHONE is SCARED!
TELEPHONE used CALL FOR HELP!
TELEPHONE contacted BILLYBOB!
BILLYBOB will HELP!
That whelp has no chance!
BILLYBOB sent EMAIL!
Hmm….
What’s this?
COMPUTER used OPEN!
EMAIL: You should've bought Norton, pal!
EMAIL used FUNKY BILLYBOB VIRUS!
COMPUTER'S HP was drained!
NOOOOOO!
COMPUTER fainted!
Victory to BILLYBOB and TELEPHONE!
Battle #55: Perfect Dark Meets Poké
Battles July
14, 2000
Setting: Carrington Institute
Player: Joanna
Dark [0-0-0]
POST
COMMENTS ON BATTLE #55: Perfect Dark Meets Poké Battles – Click
Here
JOANNA appeared!
Come again?
JOANNA appeared!
How is that, sir? I appeared?
JOANNA appeared!
Oh fine, I’ll stop questioning
you, sir.
Time to arm myself.
JOANNA sent out FALCON 2!
‘Sent out’? What sort of rubbish
is this?
And why would I be using a gun
here in the Institute?
CARRINGTON appeared!
CARRINGTON: Joanna, your mission is to infiltrate the blah blah and do this and that to rescue Dr. Whatsisname and…
Daniel, would you mind speaking a
bit clearer?
CARRINGTON: What, Joanna?
You’re not speaking clear enough,
sir.
CARRINGTON is angry!
Excuse me?
CARRINGTON wants to fight!
CARRINGTON sent out DY357 MAGNUM!
Daniel! Shame on you!
JOANNA used SHAME!
No effect!
MAGNUM used PISTOL WHIP!
Ow! My vision is blurry…
You’re not Daniel!
CARRINGTON removed DISGUSISE!
CARRINGTON is really SKEDAR!
A Skedar! Oh my god!
SKEDAR withdrew MAGNUM!
SKEDAR sent out SLAYER ROCKET LAUNCHER!
Goodness! You’re going down, Skedar.
FALCON 2 used SINGLE SHOT!
SKEDAR was hit!
SKEDAR used FLY-BY-WIRE ROCKET!
JOANNA was hit!
I’m...going…to…
JOANNA fainted!
SKEDAR wins!