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Dash Kvetchum has reached Million City, and he’s ready to battle Rich. But the wealthy leader is nowhere to be found! Then, heading out to the Middle of Nowhere, Dash encounters an odd Pokémon and… hEll dude?! Meanwhile, Mr. Khan cleverly outsmarts the cooks of Emeril Version and finds his way back to Emerald, only to face the mysterious president of Emerald Version… Who can the president be? What the hEll is hEll dudE doing in Emerald? Where is Rich? What will happen to Mr. Khan? Find out now in Emerald Version Poké Battles!

Battle #61: TM Trouble July 31, 2000

Setting: Million City

Player: Dash Kvetchum [4-2-0]

After all that training, I should be able to smash Rich now! Mwahahahahaha!

DASH reached MILLION GYM!

JR. TRAINER appeared!

Huh?

JR. TRAINER: ~AHEM~ I am the GYM LEADER!

What happened to Rich?

JR. T: Oh, you’re no fun. Rich was sent to the hospital because some crazy guy hugged him.

Um…

JR. T wants to fight!

JR. T sent out DONNIE TRIMP!

Donnie Trimp?

JR. T: So my Pokémon are weak, so reason to make fun o’ me! Waaaaaaaaa!

Uh, what?

JR. T ran away!

DASH received the $MONEY$ BADGE!

DASH received TM 789!

That was fast…

That’s all the battles so far. Check the-

Not so fast!

What do you want, Dash?

What does this TM do, exactly?

DASH booted up a TM!

It contained MONEY BAGS!

Teach MONEY BAGS to a Pokémon?

Sure, Bulblight.

BULBLIGHT learned MONEY BAGS!

Go!

Get’m, BULBLIGHT!

Use Money Bags. Let’s see what this does.

BULBLIGHT used MONEY BAGS!

BULBLIGHT grabbed DASH’S WALLET!

Hey! Gimme that!

DASH is out of usable currency!

DASH went bankrupt!

BULBLIGHT wins!

Noooo…!

Battle #62: Mr. Khan Strikes Back September 29, 2000

Setting: Emeril Version

Player: Mr. Khan [B: 1-1-0 / 1-1-0]

Ack…. How can I get out of here?! These cooks are awful, dammit!

COOK appeared!
COOK: Wouldja like some spinach with Brussels sprouts and cream sauce?

Eeew. Gross. No thanks.
COOK is angry!
COOK wants to fight!

Go, HAC!

Um, HAC, use your juggle attack now!

HAC used JUGGLE!

COOK’S brain was JUGGLED about!

COOK: Hee hee. Wanna some salty broccoli a la mode?

*retch*

HAC hurt itself in its disgust!

Aw, damn.

HAC fainted!

Blech, disgusting. That’s almost as bad as BBQ Pikachu! *Cough Duo cough*

Go, me.

COOK used CARROTS WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE ALFREDO!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! THAT’S JUST PLAIN DISGUSTING!

MR. KHAN used BARF!

COOK was destroyed!
MR. KHAN gained 4654 exp points!
MR. KHAN grew to LV 34!

What? MR. KHAN is evolving!

MR. KHAN evolved into DR. KHAN!
Yahoo, I think…

DR. KHAN learned TELEPORT!

Yes! Now I can get to Emerald Version!

DR. KHAN used TELEPORT!

Warp to EMERALD VERSION!

DR. KHAN wins!

Battle #63: Mr. Khan Strikes Back Part II October 1, 2000

Setting: Emerald Version

Player: Mr. Khan [B: 1-1-0 / 2-1-0]

Hn. How to get into the capital building…

ROPE appeared!
ROPE used GRAPPLE!
YES!
DR. KHAN climbed up ROPE!

DR. KHAN entered WINDOW!
DR. KHAN is in CAPITAL BUILDING!

Hehehehehehe…

DR. KHAN snuck into PRESIDENT’S ROOM!
Muhahahaha.

SEAN THE EXTERMINATOR appeared!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEAN: Nyahahaha! You fell right into my trap!
YOU’RE the president of Emerald Version?!!
SEAN: Who did you think I was, the Easter bunny?

SEAN wants to fight!
Go, my heavily armed clown!

Get’m, HAC!

SEAN sent out RAID!

HAC, time for your Clown Beam!
HAC used CLOWN BEAM!
One-hit K.O.!
Goodbye, Raid!
SEAN fainted!

RAID ran away

That…was odd…now I can take over, I think…

???: NOT SO FAST!

Who?!

To be continued…

That’s all the battles so far. Check the-

Now wait a minute, dammit!
*Sigh* I get no respect around here. What do you want?

Don’t pull a Revman stunt on me and make me wait weeks until I can find out!
Oh, all right.

Now, Mr. ?, who are you?

??? REVEALED its true identity!

??? is really ANDREVAN!

…

Who’s that?

NARRATOR facefaults!

POKéDEX appeared!

POKéDEX: Beep! Andrevan! A Webmaster Pokémon of the Grass type. Andre owns the almighty Emerald Version.

Ha! No puny Webmaster can destroy me!
ANDREVAN used BACKSPACE!

ß ß ß ß ß ß ß ß ß ß ß

What? MR. KHAN is evolving!

MR. KHAN evolved into DR. KHAN!
Yahoo, I think…

DR. KHAN learned TELEPORT!

DR. KHAN became MR. KHAN!

MR. KHAN forgot TELEPORT!
MR. KHAN remains in EMERIL VERSION!

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

COOK NUMBER TWO appeared!
COOK#2: Have some cake!
No thank you.

COOK#2 forcefeeds MR. KHAN with CAKE!
MR. KHAN received FOOD POISONING!

I don’t feel so good…

MR. KHAN died!

COOK#2 wins!

Player: Mr. Khan [1-1-0]

BOOOOOOOOOOM!

What?

Mr. Khan is in BLACK VERSION!

Oh no… Master Hammy….

HAMMY appeared!

HAMMY is not very happy with your work!

Master Hammy… Sir… Your highness…

HAMMY used PSYCHIC BLAST!

Mr. Khan exploded into little bits!

HAMMY: Muhahahahahahahaha…

Battle #64: The Middle of Nowhere November 7, 2000

Setting: The Middle of Nowhere

Player: Dash Kvetchum [4-3-0]

Note: hEll dudE text is in orange. Xtra Narrator text is in pink.

Where am I??

DASH is in THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!
Sure about that?
YES!
THIS is a NO-MAN’S LAND!

Okay.

Wild NO-MAN appeared!

Get’m, DR. E!

Huh? I thought you said no man lived here.

EXACTLY!

I’m…confu…. er, baffled!
DASH is baffled!
It hurt itself in its befuddlement!
NO-MAN used NO!
One hit N.O!

I can’t faint already!

Noooo!

THAT is correct!

No?

YES!
<Andrevan’s note: At this point, all color is lost. Sorry for the inconvenience>

NO!
Huh?

NARRATOR used HUH?

Huh?

No!

YES!

DASH is NO!
Yes!

Huh?

NARRATOR and DASH NO! YES! NO! Huh?

Wild hell-dudE appeared!
><><><><

NO!
YES!

Noyesnohuh!
??!?!?
?!?!?!?!
?!!?????????
<Andrevan’s note: Thanks for being patient. Color is back now>

NARRATOR is NO!
Yesnoyeshuh?! <><><><><>

What the hell is going on?
><<:><><<M<JI!HUAEGHDJH

YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Wha? HUH?
NO!

HUH?

BLAM!

NO! YES! HUH?

hEll dudE, DASH, NARRATOR evolved into NO-MEN!

XTRA NARRATOR appeared!

NO-MEN and NO-MAN collided!

To be continued…