Date: May 22, 2001
Location: New York
Player: Webmaster [2-0-0] Last: Win vs. Fate
Hn... I need some heroes to stop Doomfruit, and quick. Okay, I SUMMON THE HEROES OF THE VIRIDIAN VERSION!
WEBMASTER does not know SUMMON!
WEBMASTER must find the SUMMON MATERIA!
... Trying to stretch this out, right? Well, I know where to get Materia! In a healthy box of Materia O's!
WEBMASTER goes to the SUPERMARKET!
WEBMASTER reads off JOKE-LIST given by CLIVE!
Look, it's a shop. No, it's a store. No, it's a Supermarket.... This is really dumb, Clive.
WEBMASTER goes to the CEREAL AISLE!
WEBMASTER finds a box of MATERIA O's!
Okay, now I've gotta find the Summon Thingie.... *Rips open the box* Where is it.. Where is it..... HERE!
WEBMASTER got a WHOLE-GRAIN REPLICA of the SUMMON MATERIA!
Give.... whatever, a name?
Sure. Just call it a Summon Materia. Okay, now I SUMMON THE HEROES OF THE VIRIDIAN VERSION!
WEBMASTER is only holding up a little CEREAL THING!
I'm sure it'll summon someone.
CAPTAIN HAS-BEEN appeared!
... What?
WORTHLESS GUY appeared!
... Huh?
MEGA-POINTLESSLY-STRONG-MAN appeared!
Well, at least there's SOMEONE competent.
DUBBIE appeared!
WHAT? He's dead, and one of my Poke... ah, forget it.
DUBBIE is too STUPID to understand LOGIC, REASONING, and DEATH!
Therefore, DUBBIE is immortal!
Oh, maaaan. Any more heroes coming?
DOOMFRUIT appeared!
Ooh, he'll make a good ally..... Wait a second..... AAAAAAH! HEROES, STOP HIM!
Player: Dubbie [0-2-0] Last: Well... he was a Pokemon in Battle #21...
OK! I'll beet u, Grapefruit! Hee hee, I said "fruit"! I'm soo funnee!
Allies CAPTAIN HAS-BEEN, MEGA-POINTLESSLY-STRONG-MAN, and WORTHLESS GUY all POSE and FLEX their muscles!
Could I describe this?
Go ahead!
CLIVE needs STORM-VERSION-RIPOFF BRAND COFFEE!
Okay, cool. First, the Grapefruit of Doom charged Captain Has-Been, who was starting to say something noble and heroic. Doomfruit used Citric Acid and basically turned Captain Has-Been into a puddle. Next, Doomfruit punched a hole through Worthless Guy. Mega-Pointlessly-Strong-Man attempted to stomp on Doomfruit. The Grapefruit of Doom grinned, opened wide, and ate M-P-S-M's legs, and then..... O.O;;; Owwww.... That doesn't look good.... AUGH, THAT'S SICKENING! Eurgh.... NO! THAT'S INHUMAN!
W-W-what did DOOMFRUIT do?
He.... locked M-P-S-M in a room with nothing but N*Sync books and turned on a Boom Box... And the music is....... AAAAAAAAAH! ELEVATOR MUSIC! THE HORROR, THE HORROR! .... Uh, back to you, Clive.
WEBMASTER: Obviously, we are up against a creature with a sick, twisted mind.
Or a grapefruit!
WEBMASTER: ...-_-''
DOOMFRUIT turns to DUBBIE!
Ok, bring it on, u litle weekling!
DOOMFRUIT is overcome by FEAR!
DOOMFRUIT: Oh... god.... the stupidity... frightening.... I CANNOT KILL THIS THING!
WEBMASTER: YES! WE'VE WON!
DOOMFRUIT: I shall let my minions do it.
WEBMASTER: I.... don't see any Doomdrones.
DOOMFRUIT: They are hunting down the Backstreet Boys. I recently caught a Pokemon which I want to put to the test.
DOOMFRUIT sent out EVIL FUZZLE!
EVIL FUZZLE used SCARY FACE!
DUBBIE has a SCARY FACE!
EVIL FUZZLE fainted in fear!
DOOMFRUIT: That did not go the way I expected.
Dat's becuz I am the gratest person ever!
DOOMFRUIT: Aaargh..... I SHALL RETURN!
DOOMFRUIT ran away!
WEBMASTER: Oooh.... he's allergic to idiots!
Well, than u have nothing 2 feer!
WEBMASTER: ... -_-''
Location: Viridian HQ
Player: Mr. Insane [2-0-0]
We have been gathered here today because there is a huge crisis on our hands!
ZARBON, AZUSA, KUNO, Y2K BUG SEIFER, and the WEBMASTER appear!
ZARBON: We know, the Doomfruit attack thing.
No, no, no, we're out of Pizza!
ZARBON: That too.
WEBMASTER: Well, I've come up with the Grapefruit of Doom's weakness. He's weak against idiots. The Dubbie is a temporary solution, but we need someone stupider.
Oh, in that case, there is an old colleague of mine who seemed insane at first, but then I realized he was merely stupid.
SEIFER: Well, first we'll have to FIND Doomfruit....
Location: Boston
Player: Doomfruit [4-1-0] Last: Somewhat bizarre loss vs. Dubbie
HAHAHA! FACE YOUR DESTINY, WEAKLINGS!
DOOMFRUIT used MASSIVE DESTRUCTION!
The city of BOSTON suffered MASSIVE DESTRUCTION!
It's super effective!
BOSTON fainted!
WEBMASTER, ZARBON, AZUSA, SEIFER, MR. INSANE, KUNO, and DUBBIE appeared!
Well, if it isn't the pathetic weak... AAAAAAH! WHAT IS THAT THING DOING HERE?
SEIFER: Wow. It DOES work.
Allies CLICHED DOOMPUFF, POKEBALL, KERRIGAN, LARRY, and DR. NEO appear and beat up the VIRIDIAN HEROES!
KUNO: Oh, no. We are defeated.
VIRIDIAN HEROES ran away!
KERRIGAN: Despite the fact that we hate you to death, we have found a power-up that will make you very strong, so you can continue your rampage.
Do you realize how bad you people are at acting? The only way this could get worse is if you used saccato bad-acting tones, like Shatner.
DR. NEO: *Ahem* Doomfruit, you are.... the last hope of the villains.... for domination.
.... I HAD to say that. Well, for the sake of ending this long battle, I shall believe you and go with you weaklings. Not like you can beat me. Now where is this power-up?
Location: The White House
OTHER VILLAINS lock DOOMFRUIT in the OVAL OFFICE!
GEORGE W. BUSH: Are you the ambassador from Cuba?
... Sure, why not?
BUSH: Good. We need to talk about preforating the key strategies and optimize our core process....
AAAAAAAAAH!
CLICHED DOOMPUFF: Good idea, Insane.
MR. INSANE: It came to me during my routine hitting pillows with large, blunt objects.
EVERYONE ELSE leaves DOOMFRUIT to SUFFER!
I'll kill you all! NOW LET ME OUT OF HERE. YOU IDIOTS! ..... Wait, that wasn't the best way to put it.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Now, I trust you, the American Reader, to place your critisical input here
Battles 1-5
Date: May 29, 2001
Location: Some Random Stadium
Player: Announcer [No Record]
It's a lovely day here in Some Random Stadium, and we are awaiting the TOURNAMENT OF VILLAINS! ... Hey, Narrator, why aren't you doing this?
CLIVE is a NARRATOR, not an ANNOUNCER!
... There's a difference?
Yes, there is!
CLIVE will not waste his time explaining!
You don't know either, hmm? Well, anyway, I have to start introducing our would-be villains.
Ahem... In the red corner we have the weakest of all Doompuff Spinoffs.... CLICHED DOOMPUFF!
CLICHED DOOMPUFF appeared!
In the Blue Corner, he's an item gone wrong and he loses to a poor defeated loser...
POKEBALL!
POKEBALL appeared!
In the green corner... A demented ex-Narrator with big plans... Too bad he wasted his chance to catch Doomfruit....
LARRY!
LARRY appeared!
LARRY: Hey... you're right.... DAMMIT!
Heh heh heh... In the Orange Corner.... A Psionic Infested Tenticle-Whipping Kitte Backup-Singer wannabe...
KERRIGAN!
KERRIGAN appeared!
In the Grey Corner.... HOW MANY CORNERS ARE THERE?
CLIVE warns ANNOUNCER to NEVER QUESTION THE CORNERS!
Um.. right... In the Grey Corner.... A pathetic scientist with a bad name...
DR. NEO!
DR. NEO appeared!
I didn't even know there was a sixth person... In the..... PUCE CORNER? .... We have.... VERY LARGE ANGRY MAN?
VLAMAN appeared!
VLAMAN: I AM VERY LARGE AND ANGRY, SO I WANT TO TAKE MY ANGER OUT ON THE WORLD!
Okay.... Well, we will have three matches, and then there'll be a three-way -
ANNOUNCER hears PERVERTED LAUGHS coming from the AUDIENCE!
.... NO! NOT THAT KIND OF THREE-WAY, YOU IDIOTS! It'll be a three-way FIGHT. Kerrigan vs. Cliched Doompuff, VLAMan vs. Pokeball, and Dr. Neo vs. Larry... LET'S GET THIS THING UNDERWAY!
Player: Cliched Doompuff [0-3-0] Last: Well... not really a win vs. Doomfruit
HAHAHA! I WILL GET MY REVENGE AND MAKE DOOMPUFF PROUD!
CLIVE points out that DOOMPUFF hates his SPIN-OFFS!
.... Oh...... WELL, THAT WON'T STOP ME! NOW.... DIE!
CLICHED DOOMPUFF used DIE!
CLICHED DOOMPUFF DIEd again!
Nooooooo!
KERRIGAN wins!
Not again............ Eergh.
Player: Very Large Angry Man [0-1-0] Last: Loss vs. Mr. Insane
HAHAHA! I AM FIGHTING A POKEBALL, WHICH WILL BE NO MATCH TO MY LARGE AND ANGRY POWERS! HAHAHA!
POKEBALL wants to fight!
VERY WELL! BUT YOU SHALL LOSE! BECAUSE I AM LARGE.... AND ANGRY!
I WILL USE MY GROWTH ATTACK!
VLAMAN used GROWTH!
VLAMAN has a weird GROWTH on the top of his neck!
It's his HEAD!
THAT IS NOT FUNNY! I WILL GET MY REVENGE ON YOU!
POKEBALL used CATCH!
POKEBALL caught VLAMAN!
Give VLAMAN a name?
POKEBALL: Yes.... call him Mr. Fluffly.
.... AAAAAAAAH! I WILL GET REVENGE! I WILL...... Waaah.
Player: Larry [5-3-1] Last: Um.... He... Well, he didn't exactly win vs. Doomfruit
HA! I'm fighting DR. NEO? I'm gonna be in the final three!
Noting how PATHETICALLY EASY the last two battles were, CLIVE is forced to agree with LARRY!
DR. NEO: HA! In the last two battles, the players have lost. Horribly.
... Good point. o_O;
Yes, well, I'M a prominent character and you're the spawn of a Random Battle.
CLIVE judges the ARGUMENTS!
CLIVE awards DR. NEO the victory!
THAT'S NOT FAIR! MY SPEECH HAD SPIRIT! MY -
DR. NEO injects SERUM in LARRY!
LARRY is under DR. NEO's CONTROL!
NEO: Lose.
I forfeit.
DR. NEO wins!
Player: Kerrigan [2-1-0] Last: Win without really doing anything vs. Cliched Doompuff
.... I'm going to win..... I'M GOING TO WIN! YES! YES! HAAHA!
POKEBALL and DR. NEO: O_O;;
POKEBALL: We're up against.....
NEO: Kerrigan...... DAMN YOU, CLICHED DOOMPUFF! Well, better make this 2 on 1...
DR. NEO used SERUM INJECTION on POKEBALL!
NEEDLE broke on POKEBALL's exterior!
NEO: .... O_O
... I don't think I'll have to do anything this time, either.
DR. NEO revealed SYRINGEx35!
Um... I'll... be taking those now...
KERRIGAN stole SYRINGEx35!
I could use these... For evil.... Heh heh heh.... HAVE A TASTE OF YOUR OWN MEDICINE!
DR. NEO: .... My "Flintstones Kids" tablets? .... Oh. The syringes.
KERRIGAN threw SYRINGEx35!
DR. NEO blocked with LARRY!
DR. NEO throws LARRY away!
LARRY fell on POKEBALL!
POKEBALL fainted!
Now it's just you and me, helpless scientist.
Player: Dr. Neo [2-1-0] Last: Win vs. Pokeball, I guess
Eeergh... Now what do I do? Out of pawns... Out of syringes.... AHA! Go, laptop!
Go, LAPTOP!
Okay, now go to AskJasonRoss.com
JR: I was right.... Everything I say gets turned into a battle.... Um... WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION FOR THE ALMIGHTY WEBMASTER?
How can I defeat an infested Terran?
JR: The answer is.... Pay Jason Ross $345.
Um.... What?
JR: That's the standard fee for my cameos these days. Well, I'm gonna be off now.
But you didn't do anything!
JR: Didn't I, Neo? Didn't I?
... No, you didn't.
JR: Fine... Using my webmaster powers... uh.... You win.
What, no plot device?
JR: .... Nah, you just win.
DR. NEO won!
Battle ended!
Date: June 2, 2001
Location: Secret Laboratory
Player: Dr. Neo [Record: 3-1-0] Las: Win vs. Kerrigan
I'm the greatest! HAHAHA!
They're ALL egocentric at this point....
... Uh, what?
You IDIOT VILLAINS!
Don't you realize that soon there will be tons of heroes trying to make a name for themselves after you?
Doesn't bother me! I have this wonderful slave to protect me!
LARRY: WHY YOU LITTLE PIECE OF -
Peel me some grapes, slave.
LARRY: ... Yes, master.
LARRY used PEEL!
LARRY PEELed off the SKIN of DR. NEO!
..... STUPID SLAVE! PEEL THE GRAPES, NOT ME!
LARRY used PEEL!
GRAPES fainted!
All right! Now I can eat them!
DR. NEO is going to eat POOR, DEFENSELESS GRAPES who are FAINTED?
Of course!
DR. NEO is a SICK, TWISTED INDIVIDUAL!
... This coming from a NARRATOR of all people... Well, anyway, what the heck am I supposed to do if I want to eat these grapes?
DR. NEO must DEFEAT those GRAPES!
But.... they're fainted.
Figure it out for YOURSELF!
Um... fine... I'll waste a Revive on them.
GRAPES were REVIVED!
All right, now I can -
GRAPES: Thank you! We are forever in your debt!
Um, no, you need to -
GRAPES: Thank you! We are forever in your debt!
Hey, wait a -
GRAPES: Thank you! We are forever in your debt!
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME! I was the one who knocked you out in the first place!
GRAPES are angry!
GRAPES want DR. NEO to suffer their WRATH!
GRAPES were re-named GRAPES of WRATH!
GRAPES of WRATH want to fight!
Thank god!
Enemy GRAPES of WRATH sent out GRAPES of WRATH!
... I'll send out.... Myself, I guess. This shouldn't be hard.
Go, DR. NEO!
Enemy GRAPES of WRATH used EXPLOSION!
GRAPES of WRATH exploded!
GRAPES of WRATH were re-named GRAPE STAIN!
... WHAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I want those grapes.... SLAVE! FETCH ME SOME MORE GRAPES!
LARRY is on his COFFEE BREAK!
Slaves don't get coffee breaks...
LARRY appeared!
LARRY: ................ YOU RUINED MY COFFEE BREAK!
You have no coffee break...
LARRY: ......... Damn.
DR. NEO reveals the MIND-CONTROL SERUM ANTIDOTE!
You want this, don't you? Don't you? Don't you? Well, okay, I'll hold it in the palm of my...
LARRY has already STOLEN and USED the ANTIDOTE!
Damn.
LARRY wants to BEAT THE CRAP out of DR. NEO... and fight!
I should be able to -
LARRY used MEGA PUNCH!
LARRY used MEGA PUNCH again!
LARRY used MEGA PUNCH once more!
LARRY continues to use MEGA PUNCH!
LARRY used MEGA PUNCH again!
.... Damn.
DR. NEO fainted!
Player: Larry [6-4-1] Last: Bitter vengeance vs. Dr. Neo
HAHAHA! NOW I'M THE ULTIMATE VILLAIN! YES! YES! YESSSSSSS!
They're ALL egocentric at this point..
I heard your previous conversation. Don't repeat yourself...
You IDIOT VILLAINS!
Don't you -- Oh. Fine.
Now I need to go off and build my fortress... Wait.... how do I get out of here?
....
Uh....
....
Help.... Anybody...
CLIVE realizes the FUN he can have with LARRY now!
I.... I don't like a narrator's idea of fun. After all, I was one... Clive? Please?
CLIVE laughs MANIACALLY!
Oh, maaan.....
>>> ... Read. Review. Here.
Date: June 7, 2001
Location: Random Training Location
Player: Pokeball [1-4-1] Last: Loss vs. Larry's Unconscious Body
Well, I may have lost the the Main Villain Tournament, but at least I got this good new Pokemon!
MR. FLUFFLY: I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE MY NAME BACK TO VERY LARGE ANGRY MAN AND RELEASE ME!
Um, well... No. But I'm sure that after a long period of training, we will become the best of friends through thick and thin, Mr. Fluffly!
MR. FLUFFLY: NEVER!
But's that was how it worked for Ash and Pikachu!
MR. FLUFFLY: AND THEY ARE KILLED IN JUST ABOUT EVERY VERSION.
... I see your point....
CLIVE doesn't think THIS sounds like GENERIC VILLAINOUS BANTER!
Well, I'm not the villain. Not yet... MWAHAHAHA!
THAT sounds MORE LIKE IT!
... What exactly is "it"? Does it sound like evil laughter?
God, this has to be the only version where the PLAYERS torture the NARRATORS more than the OPPOSITE!
MR. FLUFFLY: LIVE WITH IT.
Again with this "it"! WHO IS IT?
Hm... CLIVE doesn't know who IT is!
CLIVE used RE-NAME!
Battle #28: The Quest for "It"
NO! We're training, and that's final!
... Ergh.
CLIVE used RE-NAME again!
Battle #28: Training Mr. Fluffly
Okay! Now give us something to train against!
DYSLEXIC CROW appeared!
DYSLEXIC CROW: !noisreV doolB morf naol no ma I
.....AAAAAAAAAAH! WHAT IS THAT?
CLIVE doesn't know EITHER!
CLIVE thinks that might be IT! ... Or DYSLEXIC CROW, LIKE THE NARRATION SAID, YOU IDIOT!
Well, okay. ATTACK IT, MR. FLUFFLY!
MR. FLUFFLY refuses!
Well, then... Um, Satanic-Crow-Thing.... You attack... Okay?
DYSLEXIC CROW wants to fight!
Go, Mr. Fluffly!
Get'm, Mr. Fluffly!
DYSLEXIC CROW sent out DYSLEXIC CROW!
You may attack first, evil Crow....
...
DYSLEXIC CROW doesn't know any attacks!
.... WHAT??????? Come on, Mr. Fluffly! This is an easy victory!
MR. FLUFFLY: Shove it.
D-CROW: ???TI si OHW
I have NO idea....
Location: Underground Tunnel
Player: Larry [6-4-1] Last: Win vs. Dr. Neo
Must.... get out..... of tunnel.... Well, at least I'm safe here....
CORROSIVE WORMS appeared!
... WHAT? AAAAAAAH!
LARRY dug through the ground COMICALLY FAST!
It's super amusing!
Location: Random Training Place
Player: Pokeball [1-4-1] Last: Utter confusion earlier in the battle
D-CROW: !!!ynnuf si eugra owt uoy gnihctaw
THAT'S ENOUGH! IF MR. FLUFFLY WON'T DO IT, I'LL DEFEAT YOU MYSELF!
The enemy is MrKite's hero! (Oh, that's great, make fun of one of our two regular readers.) Return, MR. FLUFFY!
Go, POKEBALL!
HAHAHAHA! Well, okay, I've been saving these for a special occaison.... THE RETURN OF THE HEAVILY-ARMED POKEBALL!
POKEBALL has no ARMS!
Nor GUNS!
POKEBALL can't even HOLD GUNS!
Great, NOW the webmaster realizes this. Fine, I'll just throw myself at the Crow...
POKEBALL used FLING!
POKEBALL FLUNG itself at DYSLEXIC CROW!
LARRY burst out from the ground, COVERED with CORROSIVE WORMS!
... Corrosive worms?
Yes, CORROSIVE WORMS!
LARRY: At last, I have reached daylight! .... And I still have worms on me... And Pokeball's flying right at... AAAAAAAAAAAH!
POKEBALL and LARRY collided!
POKEBALL fainted!
LARRY fainted!
DYSLEXIC CROW wins and returns to BLOOD VERSION!
IT: HAHAHA! YOU NEVER FOUND ME! NOW YOU MUST READ AND REVIEW HERE! And if you don't.... well, sit on it! ... No, not literally.... Get away from me.... AAAAAAAAH!
Date: June 17th, 2001
Location: QFC
Player: Kerrigan [2-2-0] Last: Inexplicable Loss vs. Dr. Neo
... WHAT is KERRIGAN doing at QFC?
Shopping, you stupid Narrator.
CLIVE laughs!
Is THAT what a TELEPATHIC INFESTED TERRAN amounts up to these days?
Shut up. We have to get food and keep a low profile...
So KERRIGAN goes to QFC, where there are tons of INNOCENT BYSTANDERS?
What did you think I would do? Kill people and feed them to the Zerg? Besides, one of the Ultralisks has developed an addiction to Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Wait, let CLIVE guess..... KERRIGAN also does the COOKING?
Yes...
The CLEANING?
Yes......
KERRIGAN has become a MAID!
SHUT UP! Have you seen a Hydralisk try to straighten the bedsheets? Or an Ultralisk make Macaroni and Cheese?
CLIVE didn't know that ULTRALISKS ate --
THAT'S NOT THE POINT! And I made the horrible mistake of letting a Zergling take out the trash. There were casualties... We were almost kicked out of our apartment...
YOU LIVE IN AN APARTMENT?
Correct...
THAT would make for one interesting SITCOM!
SHUT UP, YOU STUPID NARRATOR! I'LL KILL -
OTHER SHOPPERS stare at KERRIGAN!
I... mean... Uh.... ERGH.
KERRIGAN used PSIONIC STORM on OTHER SHOPPERS!
OTHER SHOPPERS died!
That's better.
At the risk of being yelled at some more... Does KERRIGAN have a JOB?
I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU, NARRATOR!
KERRIGAN approaches CASHIER!
CASHIER fainted in fear!
Oh, really? Well, then, I guess you won't mind if I just took this...
KERRIGAN used SHOPLIFT!
KERRIGAN LIFTed a SHOP!
I'm sure I can actually do that, but... No. No I didn't, you annoying Narrator.
CLIVE is having FUN!
You know what? I think I am going to find wherever you Narrate from and kill you.
,,. That's..... Bad.
But, no, I cannot do it alone. I will gather my forces and ally with some of the other villains. I should start doing that now....
Uh.... The only villain conscious right now is...
Player: Cliched Doompuff [0-4-0] Last: Loss vs.... Himself, apparently.
Oh... dear..... god....
... Um, what?
I AM THE LAST OF THE DOOMPUFFS!
CLICHED DOOMPUFF had read AQUA's 100th BATTLE, apparently!
Yes, and now I know that I have a legacy to uphold! I AM THE LAST OF THE DOOMPUFFS, AND I SHALL AVENGE THEM! NOW ALL SHALL FACE MY WRAAAAAAATH!
A passing BLADE OF GRASS flew by and hit CLICHED DOOMPUFF!
CLICHED DOOMPUFF fainted!
Oww....
Player: Kerrigan [2-2-0] Last: .... READ THE TEXT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE BATTLE, BAKA!
There are NO conscious VILLAINS left!
.... Damn. Well, I'll kill you once the others come to. I have to back to the apartment now...
KERRIGAN prepares for the LONG, PAINFUL JOURNEY ahead!
.... I'm just going three blocks.
It will be LONG! And PAINFUL!
... No.
VERY LARGE MONSTER appeared!
.... I hate you, Narrator.
VLMONSTER wants to fight!
...... Okay. Fine. Go, Kerrigan.
VLMONSTER sent out VLMONSTER!
Go, KERRIGAN!
Okay. I'll use Psionic Storm. It will die. Then I can go back to the apartment.
KERRIGAN used PSIONIC STORM!
PSIONIC STORM VERSION stopped updating weeks ago!
Psionic Storm Version never EXISTED, Narrator.
.... Yeah. Okay.
Enemy VLMONSTER used HUGE FLAMING DOOM SPIKE... NESS!
...... DAMN.
HUGE DOOM was SPIKED into a FLAMING NESS!
DOOM fainted!
NESS fainted!
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
That attack was too BIG and FLASHY to succeed!
VLMONSTER used PUSH!
It's super effective!
... Whatever. I'm just going to walk past this monster and go home.
W-what? KERRIGAN cannot do that!
I can and I am.
KERRIGAN can't move!
Well, I am.
KERRIGAN... walked to the APARTMENT.
VLMONSTER is IRRITATED!
VLMONSTER: This isn't faiiir! That was my big break! Come back! Pleeease! ... I'll give you a plushie!
AZUSA SHIRATORI appeared!
AZUSA: I'll fight ya for the plushie next battle! ^_^
Good, everyone's happy. Well, I'm not, but, eh.
Now let's get out of here.
Location: Kerrigan's Apartment
I'm home....
HYDRALISK: (TRANSLATED) Our wacky next door neighbor, Larry, wants two tons of Tin Foil. Do we give it to him?
ZERGLING: (TRANSLATED) What'choo talkin' 'bout, Hydralisk?
AUDIENCE: HAHAHAHAA!
.... Shut up, Narrator.
Oh, yeah, and if you're Starcraft-Challenged, here's a picture of a Hydralisk, and here's a Zergling, and here's an Ultralisk. Now imagine them doing those earlier mentioned chores. Wacky, isn't it?
>> Okay. Read and review here. Kay? KAY?
Date: June 22, 2001
Location: Alleyway
Player: Azusa Shiratori [3-0-0] Last: Win vs. The Zerg (War Event One)
Okay, let's get this battle started! Now gimme my plushie first!
VLMONSTER: HAHA... I lied! I don't have a plushie! I'm mean like that...
.... MEANIE!
VLMONSTER: .... That's.... that's what I said.
... But I had to say it.....
VLMONSTER wants to fight!
No! Gimme my plushie first!
AZUSA used POUT!
It's super cute!
Aww... ^_^
VLMONSTER: ARE YOU ALL CONSPIRING AGAINST ME?
Yeah! ... Wait... I don't know what "Conspiring" means....
AZUSA is confused!
She hurt VLMONSTER in her confusion!
VLMONSTER: I KNEW IT! AAAARGH! IT'S ME VERSUS THE WORLD NOW!
... Oooh, VLMONSTER is going to be a fun character to TORTURE!
... Where's my plushie?
VLMONSTER: Fine.
VLMONSTER used THROW!
VLMONSTER threw a ROCK at AZUSA!
OWWIE! YOU UN-KAWAII PERSON! Fine, I'll fight you!
BATTLE MUSIC starts!
... Uh-uh! That music is icky!
AZUSA changes music to the CHOCOBO THEME!
That's better! ^_^
VLMONSTER: But... but that's totally out of place for something like this...
CLIVE is forced to AGREE!
... You're BOTH mean!
VLMONSTER sent out LACKEY!
Oh! Umm... Martina, beat that uncute... thingie!
Go, MARTINA!
VLMONSTER: ... Uh... is that a blanket?
CLIVE nods slowly!
Enemy LACKEY used LACK!
Enemy LACKEY LACKed the STRENGTH or SKILL to do anything!
VLMONSTER: ... WHAT? AAARGH! CONSPIRACY! CONSPIRACY!
... It's called being UNFAIR, BAKA!
Umm... Martina, just wrap him up!
MARTINA used WRAP!
MARTINA had a WRAP PARTY!
Enemy LACKEY wasn't invited!
Enemy LACKEY ran away in shame!
VLMONSTER sent out OTHER LACKEY!
VLMONSTER: Please, pleeeease don't use that blanket again...
Okay! Go, Marianne!
Return, MARTINA!
The enemy has no chance of winning!
VLMONSTER: WHAT?
Go, MARIANNE!
VLMONSTER: That's... that's a mallet, right?
VLMONSTER is correct!
VLMONSTER: .... PLEASE send the blanket out again.
But... you said...
VLMONSTER: NEVERMIND! SEND OUT THAT BLANKET!
... Nah. Marianne, whack him on the head!
MARIANNE used WHACK!
OTHER LACKEY was WHACKed out of the STRATOSPHERE!
OTHER LACKEY fainted!
VLMONSTER: Phew... At least that was all...
OTHER LACKEY then died!
VLMONSTER: ... Aaaah. Well, you can't make me send myself out!
Mr. Nice Narrator Man? Pleeeeease make the monster send himself out! ^_^
CLIVE has never been called NICE before!
CLIVE can't tell whether that's a COMPLIMENT or INSULT!
A compliment! ^_^
Oh! Well, then, okay!
VLMONSTER: Noooo! Don't fall for the cute act, Narrator! .... If you don't make me send myself out, I'll give you a plushie!
A-HA! So VLMONSTER DOES have a PLUSHIE!
How dare you try to trick an innocent girl like AZUSA?
VLMONSTER: B-but.... I'm evil... that's what I do.
... VLMONSTER has a POINT!
VLMONSTER: A point of a sword. In my spleen.
Oh, shut up.
VLMONSTER sent out VLMONSTER!
Umm.... Do you wanna beat him up, Mr. Narrator?
... Sure!
VLMONSTER used HYPER CRUSH!
VLMONSTER developed a HYPER CRUSH on AZUSA!
... Hey, wait! No! Nononononono!
CLIVE laughs!
CLIVE cannot be MANIPULATED by ANYONE!
Darn it.....
VLMONSTER bows and worships AZUSA!
Noo! Stop that! STOP! STOP! WAAAAAH!
AZUSA ran away!
VLMONSTER wins!
VLMONSTER: What? NO! AZUSA MUST WIN! AAAAGH!
VLMONSTER ran away!
CLIVE wins!