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Rising Tensions
Color key: Game Text / Dialogue
Battle #106: Quibbling Duo April 22, 2001
Location: Webmastarian HQ
Player: Bob "That Guy" Smith [Record: 4-7-0]
Matt Beswick's Rating: 5.6
...Quibbling Duo? What kind of title is that??
DON'T MAKE FUN OF IT!
DON'T CHEAPEN IT!
Oh man… this new world's narrator is even more screwed up than the old world's.
I don't have TIME to QUIBBLE with YOU!
I wanna throw CAUTION to the WIND!
It's super effective!
CAUTION blew away!
...what the-?
*Ahem* … Well, we've finished watching Princess Mononoke…
What should we do now, Butch?
BUTCH BLINKS!
BUTCH didn't even KNOW he was THERE!
Well, you are. By the way, I dunno if you noticed, but our time machine exploded.
BUTCH says URRH for NO APPARENT REASON!
BUTCH wants to know WHY he should CARE!
Weeellll…. It does make going back in time and reversing the destruction of Red Version just a little bit more difficult.
BUTCH wants to know since WHEN you were PLANNING to GO BACK IN TIME!
Since Warren suggested it... he said he had a plan.
BUTCH says it's a MOOT POINT, ANYWAY!
BUTCH points out that the TIME MACHINE no longer EXISTS!
Well, it exists, just in very, very small pieces. The Webmastarians are outside putting it back together with Scotch Tape.
BUTCH is IMPRESSED!
BUTCH wonders if there is ANYTHING that SCOTCH TAPE can't DO!
Subtle advertising?
BUTCH wonders if YOU intend to GO BACK IN TIME in a TAPED-TOGETHER TIME MACHINE built from DA EVOLUTION VAN!
I've decided that I will. I owe it to the Almighty One.
BUTCH says YOU must have a DEATH WISH!
Well, you're coming with me.
BUTCH says URRH!
BUTCH wants to know WHY you EXPECT him to do THAT!
Because when you decided to travel to April 14, you TRICKED ME into coming with you! So now you will be accompanying me when I wish to go.
BUTCH says THAT will happen over HIS dead BODY!
A battle it is, then!
BUTCH wants to quibble!
…quibble?
QUIBBLE!
*sigh* … so it's gonna be one of those battles…
BUTCH sent out YOURGAMEFILE!
Ha! The one that got deleted?
BUTCH says something EXTREMELY PROFANE!
Uhh.. What did he say?
NARRATOR just TOLD YOU!
No no, I mean exactly… uhh, can you just patch through the exact dialogue?
NARRATOR SHRUGS and COMPLIES!
Thank you.
BUTCH: something EXTREMELY PROFANE!
……
I would say 'urrh' right now but it would be out-of-character.
BUTCH says URRH!
Go, Tree!
Go! TREE!
BUTCH is TAKEN ABACK!
Forgot that I am a TREE MASTER, did you?
Enemy YOURGAMEFILE used SAVE!
BUTCH saved the game!
Geez, two years of training that Pokémon and you still haven't learned?
Tree, use your FALL attack!
TREE used FALL!
APPLES fell on YOURGAMEFILE!
Enemy YOURGAMEFILE was DELETED AGAIN!
Ha!
BUTCH is SOBBING BITTERLY!
Enemy YOURGAMEFILE fainted!
Have you got any other tricks up your sleeve, Butch?
BUTCH sent out MEWTWO!
WHAT?? I thought that thing was DEAD!!
It IS!
Then how… uhh…
MEWTWO is not ALIVE!
Time out. Firstly, Butch - you are a very, very sick and twisted person to keep Mewtwo's corpse with you, considering it died over two years ago…
BUTCH says that the TIME JUMP means that it hasn't QUITE spent THAT MUCH time DEAD!
You're missing the point entirely, aren't you?
BUTCH says URRH for NO REASON!
SECONDLY, how is it that Butch can send out a Pokémon which is clearly unconscious into battle?
MEWTWO is DEAD, but not FAINTED!
Of course. How silly of me. Narrator logic has never ceased to amaze me.
NARRATOR beams with PRIDE!
Okay, Tree… make a coffin out of one of your branches!
TREE used COFFIN!
TREE began COUGHIN!
I AM NOT IN THE MOOD TODAY, NARRATOR!
...while building a COFFIN!
That's better.
The COFFIN was COUGHED IN!
COFFIN fainted!
Attack failed!
...I really gotta sit down with a dictionary and find all the words that can't possibly become puns.
NARRATOR can make a PUN out of ANYTHING!
Fine - I'll find all the words that, when punned, aren't funny.
PUNS aren't FUNNY to BEGIN WITH!
Can we have this discussion later? I have a feeling this dead Mewtwo is about to do something that makes no sense.
Enemy MEWTWO used COUGH MEDICINE!
...yeah, sounds about right.
TREE was MEDICATED with COUGHS!
TREE fainted!
Wheee.. How utterly nonsensical.
NARRATOR beams with PRIDE!
Gaah, quit doing that! It hurts my eyes.
...hmm.. Is my Clefairy still around?
NARRATOR doesn't KNOW!
NARRATOR is too LAZY to check the ARCHIVES!
Fine. GO, CLEFAIRY!
The enemy's dead! Get'm, CLEFAIRY!
Hmmm… remember how, in that one battle, I used Ultra Annihilation Death Ray with Clefairy and it vaporized the opponent? Well, I'm doing that again.
NARRATOR decides to ASSUME that what you are SAYING is TRUE!
CLEFAIRY used ULTRA ANNIHILATION DEATH RAY!
Enemy MEWTWO fainted!
Heh. I love outsmarting the narrator.
WHAT YOU SAY ! !
Hm? Oh, nothing.
BUTCH says URRH!
BUTCH sent out BUTCH!
Finally. This battle has gone on far longer than it should have.
BUTCH pleads with you for MERCY!
Huh?? No way, mercy is entirely against the spirit of Pokémon.
BUTCH says that YOU are his LONGTIME COMPANION and FRIEND!
Yeah, but you're my opponent now. You must suffer.
BUTCH WINCES and PREPARES for the WORST!
Ahh… I'm just kiddin'… I'll be merciful.
CLEFAIRY used MERCY!
What? NO!
CLEFAIRY MERCIFULLY hit BUTCH over the HEAD with a MALLET!
Ouch.
BUTCH fainted!
BOB wins!
Oh well… at least now he'll have to assist me in my quest.
NARRATOR wonders if BOB is AWARE that his QUEST is HOPELESS!
Now why would you say a thing like that, Narrator?
NARRATOR doesn't want READERS to get any FALSE HOPES about RED VERSION RETURNING to NORMAL!
Hey… it could happen…
NO, it WON'T!
THAT would mean the DEATH of the NARRATOR!
NARRATOR will cause the TIME MACHINE to SELF-DESTRUCT if IT is REASSEMBLED!
What?? NOOOO!!
EXPLOSION is heard OUTSIDE!
SCREAMS of AGONY and FRUSTRATION are heard OUTSIDE!
Poor, noble Webmastarians… so dedicated to a world they never knew…
NARRATOR is going to SEE TO IT that BOB and BUTCH remain STRANDED and MISERABLE on this NEW WORLD!
So? You make everyone miserable.
YOU, ESPECIALLY!
YOU have GAINED the SPECIAL ATTENTION of the NARRATOR!
The story of my life…
SKY begins to DARKEN!
STORM CLOUDS begin to APPEAR!
Huh? What's happening?
NARRATOR isn't SURE!
ENERGY is BUILDING NEARBY!
Why would you narrate something if you didn't know what it is?
NARRATOR can't HELP IT!
NARRATOR is being COMPELLED!
Huh? But the only force more powerful than the narrator is… is…
….!!!
To be continued...
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #106
Battle #107: Art of Evil May 3, 2001
Location: Evil Incorporated HQ
Player: Chester from Evil Incorporated [Record: 1-1-0]
Matt Beswick's Rating: 5.5
CRETIN!!
CRETIN appeared!
CRETIN asks HOW it can BE of SERVICE!
Cretin, this is a ridiculous place to run an establishment of Evil!
What is this place, an office building??
CRETIN said he MANAGED to RENT it for LOW, LOW RATES!
You FOOL! We are evil! We're supposed to force people to do our bidding! We shouldn't be paying any rates at all!
CRETIN points out that EVIL INCORPORATED has ACTUALLY never DONE anything EVIL!
Sure we have… we uhmm.. We.. Fought the Webmastarians!
CRETIN points out that WE lost that BATTLE!
Ha ha, we were just messing with their minds…
But couldn't we get a castle or something? This place ruins the Evil mood…
SOFT, SOOTHING ELEVATOR MUSIC is PLAYING in the BACKGROUND!
*shudder*
CRETIN wants to know if YOU have any IDEA how MUCH the RENT is on a CASTLE!
Who cares?? I say we just steal one for ourselves!
CRETIN wants to know HOW you're PLANNING to STEAL a CASTLE!
Simple! We'll just find the owner and pummel him!
CRETIN can't find any FLAWS in your PLAN!
CRETIN decides to go ALONG!
Now then… where will we find a castle…?
CASTLE appeared!
Hey, that wasn't so hard.
MOAT appeared!
I hate you, Narrator.
NARRATOR beams with PRIDE!
PRIDE BEAM destroyed the DRAWBRIDGE!
...just how many more times are these 'beam with pride' jokes going to be used?
THAT was the LAST ONE, I SWEAR!
Hmm. Now then, how am I going to cross this moat….?
CRETIN says that YOU are on your OWN with THIS ONE!
Silence. Get back in your Poké Ball, insolent Cretin.
CRETIN reminds you that POKéMON do not EXIST in the NEW WORLD!
CRETIN reminds you ALSO that IT is a LIVING CREATURE with FEELINGS and THOUGHTS and HOPES and DREAMS and--
I thought I told you to get back in your Poké Ball!
Return! CRETIN!
There. Now to return the problem of the moat…
STIFLED SOBS are HEARD from within the POKé BALL!
SILENCE, CRETIN!
*ahem* .. Once again to this problem of crossing this moat…
LANDLORD appeared!
Oh, that might work. You there, do you own this castle?
LANDLORD says that HE owns the LAND.
THEREFORE, LANDLORD owns the CASTLE!
Ah… well, nothing personal, but I'm going to have to steal this castle from you. I'm evil, after all.
LANDLORD raises an EYEBROW!
LANDLORD wants to HEAR your EVIL LAUGH to see if YOU are truly EVIL!
Okay… HA HA!
LANDLORD says THAT was a PATHETIC EXCUSE for an EVIL LAUGH!
What? How dare you! Who are you to lecture me on the ways of Evil?
LANDLORD says that HE is EVIL HIMSELF!
...prove it.
LANDLORD was renamed LORD OF LAND!
LORD OF LAND: Zya ha ha ha!!
Oh.. Well, that's decidedly more evil. How is it that I never heard of you before? You're not a member of Evil Incorporated…
LORD OF LAND is simply the LORD OF LAND!
NOT to be CONFUSED with the LORD OF LAN, who causes TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES in LOCAL AREA NETWORKS, nor the LORD OF LANI, who always LEAVES before ANYONE has a CHANCE to say GOODBYE!
Okay… that was incredibly uninformative, but…
LORD OF LAND wants to KNOW if there's ANYTHING ELSE you WANT other than the CASTLE!
...you mean I can have it?
LORD OF LAND will CONSIDER renting a ROOM to you IF you are WORTHY!
LORD OF LAND might ALSO help to TRAIN you in the ART of EVIL!
Thank you, O Lord of Land… I would be honored to train with you in the ways of Evil… what can I do to prove my worthiness to you?
LORD OF LAND says YOU must DEFEAT him!
What, like in a battle?
LORD OF LAND: No, in a game of StarCraft… of course in a battle!!
No need to get snippy about it.
LORD OF LAND will get SNIPPY about ANYTHING he WANTS!
LORD OF LAND wants to fight!
Cretin! Get him!
Get'm, CRETIN!
LORD OF LAND sent out LORD OF LAN!
Uh oh. He brought his lackeys with him. Use your Superslash attack!
CRETIN used SUPERSLASH!
ETHERNET CABLES were SLASHED!
LOCAL AREA NETWORK was COMPLETELY DESTROYED!
Ha ha! What will a LORD OF LAN do without a LOCAL AREA NETWORK?
Enemy LORD OF LAN said that YOU accomplished in a MATTER of SECONDS what HE has been TRYING to DO his entire LIFE!
….uhm?
Enemy LORD OF LAN thanks you!
Enemy LORD OF LAN is FINALLY FREE!
Enemy LORD OF LAN ran away!
Well, that wasn't so tough.
LORD OF LAND is IMPRESSED!
LORD OF LAND sent out LORD OF LANI!
Cretin, use your TEAR SHED attack!
CRETIN shed a TEAR!
Enemy LORD OF LANI finds that ODD!
Enemy LORD OF LANI will be GOING NOW,SEE YOU!
Enemy LORD OF LANI ran away! (HAHA,DIDN'T GET TO SAY GOODBYE,DID YOU?)
I feel like I'm missing a joke here.
LORD OF LAND says THAT is not IMPORTANT!
LORD OF LAND sent out LORD OF LAND!
Cretin, use your LANDMINE attack!
CRETIN used LANDMINE!
LANDMINE was PLANTED in the LAND!
That should keep the Lord of Land guessing.
Enemy LORD OF LAND used COMMERCIAL AIRLINER!
...what the-?
COMMERCIAL AIRLINER LANDED on CRETIN!
AAAAAAAH!
LANDING set off LANDMINE!
This isn't gonna be good…
COMMERCIAL AIRLINER exploded!
CRETIN exploded!
Enemy LORD OF LAND fainted!
You fainted!
You woke up!
Ugh… I've got a headache…
You notice that the LORD OF LAND is STARING in DISBELIEF at the CARNAGE around him!
Well… did I prove my worthiness? Can I move into the castle?
LORD OF LAND says YOU can do WHATEVER you WANT with the CASTLE!
LORD OF LAND says IT is NO LONGER of ANY USE to HIM in its CURRENT STATE!
Current state…?
CASTLE was renamed SMOLDERING CRATER!
…….
Whoops.
LORD OF LAND says HE is going to HAUNT you until YOU pay for this DAMAGE!
*sigh* Back to the Evil office building I go…
Meanwhile…
CRETIN's SCATTERED REMNANTS began to REASSEMBLE!
CRETIN's SCATTERED REMNANTS was renamed CRETIN!
CRETIN angrily follows CHESTER back to HQ!
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #107
Battle #108: Massive Amounts of Pain May 7, 2001
Location: Central Park, Webmastarian District
Player: Da Camera Man [Record: 2-0-0]
Matt Beswick's Rating: 5.6
Ahh, what a nice day to go for a stroll in the--
…
MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF PAIN???
NARRATOR wants to KNOW if there's a PROBLEM!
No way am I going to star in a battle titled 'Massive Amounts of Pain'!!
NARRATOR ASSURES you that IT is just a NAME!
...I don't trust you.
...a NAME that will CAUSE you MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF PAIN!
I knew it! Well, I'm not playing that game this time!
I'll just sit here and refuse to say anything - just try to finish the battle without me!
NARRATOR wants to know WHAT you are THINKING!
I'M ON STRIKE! The battle will surely suck without any blue text!
From here on in, I say nothing!
NARRATOR begins to PANIC!
NARRATOR has NEVER run INTO this PROBLEM BEFORE!
…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
…
NARRATOR REALIZES that if CAMERAMAN's TACTICS WORK, it could MEAN the END of RED VERSION ITSELF!
…
NARRATOR decides to COAX CAMERAMAN into SPEAKING!
PLAYSTATION 2 appeared!
… !
CAMERMAN will RECEIVE a SHINY NEW PS2 if he starts TALKING!
… ! !
SEVERAL GAMES appeared!
………………
CAMERAMAN continues to be STUBBORN!
NARRATOR will be FORCED to take DRASTIC MEASURES!
NARRATOR will FORCE CAMERAMAN to SPEAK by INFLICTING MASSIVE AMOUNTS of PAIN!
…
CAMERAMAN's ARM fell OFF!
… !!!!!!!!!!!!
NARRATOR ADMIRES your WILLPOWER!
CAMERAMAN's other ARM fell OFF!
. . . _ _ _ . . .
THAT looks like MORSE CODE!
NARRATOR is making PROGRESS!
SLEDGEHAMMER appeared!
SLEDGEHAMMER used CRUSH!
… !!!!!!!!!!
PS2 was CRUSHED!
AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHH!
WHY? WHY? WAIIIIIIII??
NARRATOR can HARDLY BELIEVE that WORKED!
You destroyed a Playstation 2! Do you have any idea how rare those things are??
NARRATOR can't SEE why CAMERAMAN could CARE, being as HE has no ARMS and can't PLAY it ANYWAY!
...well, I started talking. You can reattach my arms now.
…
Um… Narrator?
…
Uh oh.
Location: Webmastarian HQ
Player: Bob "That Guy" Smith [Record: 5-7-0]
NARRATOR appeared!
It's about time! Just how many weeks are we supposed to sit around here?
NARRATOR was COMPELLED to RETURN here!
Good.. Now what was that mysterious energy buildup, anyhow?
IMMORTUS appeared!
What, that's it?
IMMORTUS says that HE is IMMORTUS!
So? Is that name supposed to mean something to me?
IMMORTUS says that HE is the CREATOR of this WORLD!
Ohh yeah… I think Warren mentioned you.
So, what brings you to Red Version?
IMMORTUS had been HOPING for a more DRAMATIC REACTION!
Yay, woooo, the almighty Webmaster is here.
Look how excited I am.
IMMORTUS says that YOU are not MAKING a VERY GOOD IMPRESSION on the MAN who CONTROLS your LIFE!
Yeah well, having to wait two weeks for you to show yourself took the edge out of the moment.
IMMORTUS points out that BUTCH is BOWING BEFORE HIM!
Well, Butch always was a sell-out. Do you have any idea how much Miramax paid him for all that Princess Mononoke product placement?
IMMORTUS says to be SILENT!
IMMORTUS says that PRINCESS MONONOKE was an AWESOME MOVIE!
Oh, so they got to you too, did they?
IMMORTUS says THAT is not the REASON he CAME here!
Well, why did you come here?
IMMORTUS is HERE to ASSIST you with the BUILDING of the TIME MACHINE!
Why would you do a thing like that?
IMMORTUS wants his OLD FRIEND JASON ROSS to be REVIVED!
Yeah, well uhh… I think we're fine on our own.
IMMORTUS thought you needed HELP dealing with the NARRATOR!
That small fry? Nah, I've got the narrator whipped - he doesn't dare touch me because I'm such a popular character.
...It's SAD because it's so TRUE!
IMMORTUS insists that HE would like to HELP you ANYWAY!
Just go home… we can take care of ourselves.
IMMORTUS says you may NEED his ALMIGHTY INFLUENCE to prevent the NARRATOR from SABATOGING the--
I said we'll be fine!
IMMORTUS: ...screw it.
IMMORTUS vanished!
Geez, that guy was annoying.
WARREN appeared!
Hi Warren, what's up?
WARREN wants to KNOW what that ALMIGHTY BOOMING VOICE that he HEARD was!
Huh? Oh, that must have been the Boar God… the volume was way up on the TV when we were watching Princess Mononoke.
BUTCH says that IT was IMMORTUS, the CREATOR of the NEW WORLD!
Squealer.
WARREN wants to know what HAPPENED!
He wanted to help us… but don't worry, I got rid of him.
BUTCH says URRH!
WARREN ALSO says a four-letter WORD!
WARREN wants to fight!
I don't know why you bother to fight me; I win nearly half of the battles I fight.
BUTCH decides to join WARREN!
Et tú, Bruté?
BUTCH says his name is BUTCH, not BRUTé!
Whatever you say, Brutus.
BRUTUS... err... BUTCH wants to fight!
Okay, I'll send out…
WARREN and BUTCH descend UPON you!
Uh… what??
HEY! That's not how you fight a Poké Battle!
WARREN and BUTCH knock you to the GROUND and begin KICKING you and CLUBBING you with BASEBALL BATS!
HEY!!! OWWW!! THIS IS POKé BATTLES, not POKé BEATDOWNS!
BUTCH says URRH!
WARREN steps on your FACE!
Gaaaaah!! Shouldn't I at least have fainted by now??
IMMORTUS is the one who CONTROLS the way BATTLES are FOUGHT in RED VERSION!
HE is teaching you a LESSON by enabling LOS ANGELES INNER-CITY BEATDOWN BATTLE RULES!
Could this get any worse?
THAT is something that YOU should never ASK the NARRATOR!
...true.
DOZENS of WEBMASTARIANS appeared!
DOZENS of WEBMASTARIANS joined the BEATDOWN!
*sob*
Location: Central Park, Webmastarian District
Player: Da Camera Man [Record: 2-0-0]
Um… Narrator?
…
I uhh… I kinda have no arms…
…
Hello?
…
Anyone?
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #108
Battle #109: Dungeon of Torture May 16, 2001
Location: Webmastarian HQ; Dungeon
Player: Bob "That Guy" Smith [Record: 5-8-0]
Matt Beswick's Rating: 5.0
Uhhnnn… I don't feel so good…
BOB is still in MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF PAIN from LAST WEEK'S BEATDOWN!
Geez… but that was a week ago… shouldn't I have healed or something?
Not enough PP for HEAL!
Ugh… it feels like giant weights are pressed down upon my entire body…
THAT might be because GIANT WEIGHTS are STACKED on TOP of YOU!
Aaaaah! GET THEM OFF, GET THEM OFF!
NARRATOR refuses to INTERFERE!
Arrrgh… how could those filthy Webmastarians throw me down here!
Me, of all people! Stupid Butch betrayed me…
BOB spots a FIGURE in the ROOM!
He does? I mean... I do?
FIGURE was renamed ALMIGHTY WEBMASTER!
WOAH! ALMIGHTY ONE!
I can't believe you're here, O Creator of the Old World!
But… but how…?
ALMIGHTY WEBMASTER was renamed ALMIGHTY WEBMASTER LIFE-SIZE PLUSHIE!
Geez… that thing sure looked realistic.
I could almost believe it's alive.
ALMIGHTY WEBMASTER LIFE-SIZE PLUSHIE wants to fight!
…
WHY???
IT just DOES!
Now SHUT UP and SEND SOMETHING OUT!
I have weights stacked on top of me, I'm bleeding from more places than I can count, and… anything else you neglected to mention, Narrator?
Your HANDS are SHACKLED to the GROUND!
...right. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO BATTLE IN THIS CONDITION??
YOU will have to FIGURE something OUT!
HOW???
Enemy PLUSHIE sent out PLUSHIE!
Ugh… wait, I know… I send out… my SHACKLES!
NARRATOR BLINKS!
THAT is rather CLEVER!
Why thank you.
Go! SHACKLES!
Shackles, use your Shackle attack!
SHACKLES used SHACKLE!
Enemy PLUSHIE's HANDS were SHACKLED to the ground!
Ha! Stupid Plushie.
Go, Weights!
Get'm, WEIGHTS!
Now, weights - use your WEIGH attack!
WEIGHTS used WEIGH!
Enemy PLUSHIE was WEIGHED DOWN…
Wow… for once the Narrator did exactly what I was hoping. And twice in a row no less.
...with GUILT!
...what?
MEANWHILE, the WEIGHTS are WEIGHING their OPTIONS!
DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SENTIENT IN THIS HORRID EXCUSE FOR A WORLD??
The GROUND wants to know what your PROBLEM is!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
BOB fainted!
…
…
…
BOB woke up!
Uhn… what a nightmare…
...unfamiliar ceiling.
CEILING wants to know what YOU are STARING at!
WHAT THE-??
Enemy PLUSHIE used PLUSH-TOSS!
YOU are being PUMMELED by THOUSANDS of SMALL PLUSHIES!
Well, that doesn't sound so bad…
PUMMELING results in a GREAT DEAL of PAIN!
OW! WHY… IS… THIS… CAUSING… SO.. MUCH… OWWWWW… PAIN!?!?
THAT is just the WAY that PHYSICS WORK in the NEW WORLD!
Geez… you're even more sadistic than the old Narrators…
NARRATOR BLINKS!
NARRATOR doesn't know what SADISTIC means!
Haha! Such irony, that you of all things wouldn't know.
NARRATOR consults DICTIONARY.COM!
Silly Narrator… it just means enjoying inflicting pain on others…
NARRATOR BLINKS at DEFINITION #1!
NARRATOR is INSULTED!
...what could it have possibly said??
NARRATOR does NOT swing in THAT DIRECTION!
HUH?
GIANT MACE THAT JUST APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE, however, IS SWINGING IN THAT DIRECTION!
AAAAAAAAAH!!!!
GIANT MACE THAT JUST APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE struck you in the HEAD!
...down I go.
BOB fainted!
…
…
…
BOB woke up!
Uhn… two nightmares in a row…
At least I'm safe now… back in reality.
REALITY is STANDING OVER YOU while SWINGING a MACE and CALLING you SADISTIC!
But… that doesn't make any se-- *URK*
BOB's FACE was introduced to the WALL!
WALL tells you to WATCH where you're GOING!
WHAT… IS…. GOING… ON???
Location: Webmastarian HQ
Player: Warren the Cult Leader [Record: 2-0-0]
YOU and BUTCH hear sounds of SCREAMING and SADISTIC LAUGHTER from within the DUNGEON!
Well… it seems that the Narration Chamber is working nicely.
BUTCH wonders if THIS might be OVERDOING it a LITTLE!
He insulted Immortus - he must pay for his crimes.
BUTCH says URRH!
...I'll take that as a sound of agreement.
BUTCH says that the TIME to release his FRIEND has ARRIVED!
Never! He must remain there and suffer for all eternity!
BUTCH wants to fight!
Oh, so it's a fight you want, is it?
...isn't that what NARRATOR just SAID!
Wait… if the Narrator is out here, does that mean Bob is no longer being tortured?
SOUNDS of NON-PAIN are coming from within the DUNGEON!
What does that sound like?
NARRATOR just DESCRIBED it!
Yeah, but it made no senc-- err… I mean, you're right. My bad.
BUTCH still wants to fight!
So, you Old World punks want to wage war on the Webmastarians, do you?
BUTCH blinks!
BUTCH says that FIGHTING is an ACCEPTABLE FORM of resolving a SMALL DISPUTE!
...good point. I was just being dramatic.
NARRATOR does all the DRAMA around here!
I yield to your judgment, O disembodied one.
BUTCH takes on WARREN THE CULT LEADER next WEEK in an ALL-NEW POKé BATTLE!
Ooooh… well-done.
>> View/Post Comments on Battle #109
Battle #110: Narrator's Vacation May 26, 2001
Location: Tropical Paradise
Player: Hack Kor [No Record]
Matt Beswick's Rating: 5.0
NARRATOR is having FUN in the SUN!
NARRATOR decides that THIS is very RELAXING!
NARRATOR also decides that THIS is very BORING!
U hav no skillz!
...NARRATOR begs your PARDON?
U suxx0rz!
NARRATOR wants to know why a HACKER is in a TROPICAL PARADISE!
My name be Hack Kor, my good narration man.
NARRATOR can't figure out if you sound like a HACKER, a JAMAICAN, or a BUTLER!
My good sir, I be a Jamaican haxx0r who hacked a tad too far into AskJeeves.com. w00t!
NARRATOR decides that THAT answers the QUESTION quite NICELY!
I can't help but notice that U be in g00d m00d, my good narration man.
NARRATOR is on VACATION!
Ah ha! Then U won't be forcing Hack Kor to be battlin, w00t?
NARRATOR isn't SURE about THAT!
YOU are rather ANNOYING!
U hav no skillz here, what with the sandy b34ch3z, the peaceful windz, the tropical trees…
TREE wants to fight!
U suxx0rz!
NARRATOR is going to ENJOY this!
Go, my man!
HACK sent out HACK!
TREE sent out TREE!
I be having 1337 skills, my good tree man.
NARRATOR says you are LIMITED to FOUR SKILLZ!
w00t? No no, my good narration man - 1337 as in l33t
…
As in leet!
NARRATOR does not ENJOY not KNOWING what is going ON!
Thatz cuz u have no skillz, my good narration man.
Enemy TREE used FALL!
1337 COCONUTS fell on HACK's HEAD!
l33t coconuts? How, I be wondering, did those coconuts become l33t?
NARRATOR meant the NUMBER 1337!
w00t, my good narration man.
NARRATOR orders you to STOP calling it a GOOD NARRATION MAN!
But Y n0t, my good narration man?
NARRATOR is not a MAN!
w00t?
NARRATOR is a SEXLESS, SOULLESS, DISEMBODIED VOICE that LIVES only to TORMENT and HUMILATE CREATURES of a HIGHER POWER'S CREATION!
Perhaps, but… u hav no skillz.
AAARRRRRRGGHHH!
L00zz0r.
IT is YOUR TURN to use a MOVE!
I be not using move, I be using skillz.
FINE! Just GO so NARRATOR can HURRY UP and have you KILLED!
I be using my mad skillz, my good narration man.
HACK used MAD SKILLZ!
HACK doesn't HAVE that MOVE!
R U tellin me I be having no mad skillz, my good narration man?
THAT is EXACTLY what NARRATOR is TELLING you!
Have YOU even HACKED a COMPUTER in your LIFE?
U be insulting my honour.
WHY would a HACKER spell HONOR with a U in it?
U be a g00d w0rd.
NARRATOR COUGHS!
MEANWHILE, TREE used BRANCH TOSS!
w00t!
Several BRANCHES of the GOVERNMENT landed on HACK!
Punz R w33k.
YES! PUNS are here every WEEK!
I am n0t fainted, my good narration man.
NARRATOR NOTICED!
NARRATOR wanted to WATCH you experience PAIN, but the ONLY REACTION you EVER seem to HAVE is w00t!
w00t!
STOP THAT!
I r0xx0rz.
TREE used r0xx0rz!
Hey! Tree not be having enough 1337 skillz to r0xx0r.
ROCKS fell on HACK's HEAD!
w00t!
WHY don't you SEEM to be getting HURT?
I be having mad skillz, my good narration man.
THIS is starting to grow REPETITIVE!
P|-|33R my r3p3titi0n skillz.
U SUXX0RZ… err.. YOU SUCK at REPETITION!
THAT was entirely NEW!
Oh. Uhmm… w00t!
NARRATOR decides to try DRASTIC MEASURES!
Ur drastic skillz be suxx0ring, my good narration man.
NARRATOR used SUXX0R!
...th4t m0v3 suxx0rz.
TROPICAL PARADISE was SUXX0R3D into the ATLANTIC MILK OCEAN!
U do have skillz after all… care to be helping me with my swimming skillz?
NOT a CHANCE!
NARRATOR is going to SIT BACK and WATCH as you ATTEMPT to SURVIVE!
P|-|33R my 1337 fl04ting skillz.
YOU can barely even TALK!
NARRATOR DOUBTS that you will be ABLE to FLOAT!
Well well, what be this? I giant piece of Life Cereal floating in the 1337 waterz. I will h4xx0r my way 0nt0 it.
LIFE CEREAL is getting SOGGY!
N0000000000!!
LIFE CEREAL SANK!
...ALONG with HACK's CHANCES of SURVIVAL!
N00000….. My life be flashing before my r0xx0ring eyes!
LIFE: #pokebattles JasonR +Miss_Nutso +MrKite15 +Mathematician +Sloth +Neophyte[sluggy] +Ditto36 +Sheep-Away +Wakuseino +Alien_Gal +Duo[WA] @Rico @Blackrift +Silence[Shra] +^Bot^
#pokebattles End of /NAMES list.
...my g0d, my life has been nothing but IRC!
HACK sank beneath the WAVES full of REGRET!
w00t? No! I be regretting nothing, my good narrat-- *glug*
FORGET what HACK just SAID!
HACK regrets EVERYTHING!
…
HACK fainted!
NARRATOR feels much BETTER!
NARRATOR feels like it can NOW return to its JOB!
….w00t!
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