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This is where official battles go. New battles below, newest first. Archived battles on the left, recent battles below.

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A common trope in several PokéBattles versions near the end of the era was critique of the XBox, at the time the largest video game console ever released, by use of it as an enormous adversarial force. It has since been surpassed by the PS5. The results write themselves to an extent. I've wanted to do this since I started the version, but never had it in me until now.

Battle 162: Console Wars: The Next Generation 10/3/2024
Location: XBox Series X, Space
Player: Bill Gates [No Record]

I smell recent stock market crashes and rampant unchecked technocapitalism.
CRASH was not Enemy STOCK MARKET!
CRASH was FOXFIRE VERSION!
Fortunately, only VOLATILE DATA was lost!
I.e., none of it!
Regardless, the time has come.
With my fourth-generation XBox Series X, we will conquer this new Version anew!
Enemy PS5 appeared!
...
Why is it so big. Even by my standards it's huge!
PS5 wants to fight!
PS5 sent out CONTROLLER!
Go, Controller, control it.
Go! CONTROLLER!
Enemy PS5 sent out CONTROLLER!
CONTROLLER used CONTROL!
Enemy CONTROLLER used CONTROL!
Forces collide!
It's not very compatible...
... of course not.
CONTROLLER fainted!
Enemy CONTROLLER fainted!
Fine, go, XBox Series X! Show them what you can do!
Go! XBOX!
Enemy PS5 sent out PS5!
XBOX used XRAY!
It's not very effective...
Enemy PS5 used BLU-RAY!
It's not very effective...
... come on...
XBOX used NETPLAY!
Enemy PS5 used NETPLAY!
we were supposed to be even bigger, how did you get even bigger!
Enemy PS5: THE FUTURE IS NOW< OLD MAN
Enemy PS5 used TACKLE!
It's super effective!
XBOX used RED RINGS OF DEATH!
What? XBOX is evolving!
Congratulations! Your XBOX evolved into PAPERWEIGHT!
... oh dear.
Enemy PS5 sent out CONTROLLER!
Enemy PS5 used CONTROL!
BILL GATES was fully CONTROLled!
... obey ... SONY ...
Enemy PS5 won!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

The monkeys' plans continue to progress and/or destabilize...

Battle 161: Ugly Monkey Setbacks 9/26/2024
Location: Ugly Monkey HQ
Player: Ugly Monkey Red [1-3-1] Last Battle: Win vs. Spamton (Battle #157)

Well, quarterly report.
UM BLUE: Well, we've got a lot of upfront capital from the Leopard.
UM BLUE: He's also dealt with Maroon and Chartreuse. They were traitors, you see?
Good good. How's the social media plan going?
UM CYAN: Well we were working with Gerry on Gerry Social.
UM CYAN: But it's competing internally with Longrat's platform, 'cause he can't keep himself to one place, and they're both lookin' real Titanic-esque, real quick.
... Is he at least on track to win?
UM PURPLE: Polls project 44/55, and not in his favor.
UM PURPLE: That's probably pretty good considering he's got a 0% approval rating.
UM PURPLE: We're basically coasting on the apathy vote.
UM PURPLE: Oh and there's like four warrants out for his arrest.
Well. That's unfortunate, but we can live with that.
How about the big one, the GerryCoin?
UM YELLOW: It's selling like hotcakes.
UM YELLOW: Specifically, day-old re-microwaved hotcakes in a sweltering summer afternoon, when the toppings and ice cream have all run out.
UM YELLOW: And we're receiving negative reviews because people thought the 1cm square of his suit would be a 1 inch square.
UM YELLOW: The only folks who're buying are the ones who want other people's faces to get eaten by leopards.
...
UM BLUE: And the leopard's been leaning on us to make sure he wins.
... ... ...
UM PINK: Also I think the webmaster knows we're here.
... ... ... ... Doesn't anyone have good news?!
UM PURPLE: Still a 42% chance of winning! ... wait, make that 40%.
Well then.
DOOR appeared!
DOOR going and crashed!
DOOR fainted!
...
DEATH appeared!
DEATH wants to fight!
DEATH sent out DEATH!
OH FRICK IT'S THE FEDS
Go, Cinnabar!
The enemy's death itself! Get'm UM CINNABAR!
DEATH: CAN WE JUST GET THIS OVER WITH PLEASE.
DEATH: I HAVE A DATE WITH NAHMAN TONIGHT.
DEATH sent out SCYTHE!
SCYTHE used NIGHT SLASH!
UM CINNABAR died!
Good thing he was just the disgruntled intern. Like ablative armor.
Speaking of: Go, Puce!
Go! UM PUCE!
Ally LEOPARD appeared!
HELP
LEOPARD: ... Okay.
Enemy SCYTHE used NIGHT SLASH!
UM PUCE died!
LEOPARD used SMOKESCREEN!
Enemy SCYTHE's ACCURACY fell!
BATTLEFIELD's shrouded in smoke!
DEATH: UGH.
DEATH: OKAY FINE WE'RE DOING THIS THE HARD WAY
SCYTHE used AUTOSLASH!
SCYTHE's attack missed!
Critical hit!
WALL is in critical condition!
...Ack!
Watch where SCYTHE is aiming! NARRATOR was almost hit!
SMOKE fainted!
DEATH: OKAY, UGH... HOW MANY ARE LEFT...
ROOM is empty!
DEATH: WE ARE GOING TO CALL THAT GOOD THEN. BYE!~
DEATH won!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

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