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>> MIDI Music
This is where official battles go. New battles below, newest first. Archived battles on the left, recent battles below.
Basically since 2008, I've wanted to do one of these or imagined what it would be like.
The "presidential election Halloween battle". There were two in the original series.
It's quite unfortunate I'm doing it under today's not just increasingly polarized, but increasingly dangerous, circumstances...
But I tried to make something respectable and acceptable.
And I'm out in the middle of a storm.
In Florida
On Halloween
In an election year.
Am I actively asking to get eaten by monsters. How did it come to this!
YES!
Right, next decent hotel I see I'm stopping.
Wild OMINOUS GOLF RESORT appeared!
THUNDER used CASTLETHUNDER.WAV!
CAR: PUTT PUTT PUTT KACHUNK KACHUNK GRRRRRR...
CAR used STALL!
CAR fainted!
Well, guess I'm walking to the next pla--
Wild ALLIGATOR appeared!
Wild ALLIGATOR appeared!
Wild ALLIGATOR appeared!
At least it's sort of decently furnished?
... tackiest obviously haunted house I've seen in ages...
TRUMP appeared!
TRUMP: I win at golf.
TRUMP: Nobody has spoken to crowds bigger than me.
TRUMP: We actually had more people.
Anyway, you definitely want my vote.
They always do on Halloween.
TRUMP: I just want to find eleven thousand seven hundred eighty votes.
TRUMP: There's nothing wrong with saying you've recalculated.
TRUMP: The ballots are out of control.
TRUMP: We want to have- Get rid of the ballots.
Enemy TRUMP whipped out GIANT SCISSORS!
Enemy TRUMP wants to-
JOHNSAV used POKé DOLL!
JOHNSAV ran away!
Enemy TRUMP: We're going to build a wall.
Enemy TRUMP: And nobody builds walls better than me, believe me.
Enemy TRUMP used BUILD WALL!
Enemy RUSTY FENCE appeared!
Enough to learn a secret technique to deal with and overcome any wall, big or small!
OH YEAH!
JOHNSAV used KOOL TACKLE!
JOHNSAV ran through RUSTY FENCE like KOOLAIDMAN!
RUSTY FENCE fainted!
JOHNSAV kept going and crashed!
Into STAIRWELL!
You can't see any AL GORE SKELETON here!
So what's actually in the river.
Wild ALLIGATOR appeared!
Wild ALLIGATOR used BELLOW!
JOHNSAV ran away scared!
Enemy TRUMP: A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution
Enemy TRUMP: Despite the constant negative press covfefe
Enemy TRUMP: Just this week it was reported that an illegal aggle in thin
Enemy TRUMP: One rough hour - and I mean real rough - the word will get out and it will end immediately, you know?
Enemy TRUMP: ... The Late Great Hannibal Lecter.
Enemy TRUMP whipped out STEAKKNIFE!
Enemy TRUMP used LIVERSTAB!
It didn't affect JOHNSAV!
Enemy TRUMP: You're fired.
Enemy TRUMP used FIRE!
JOHNSAV was burned!
JOHNSAV recovered using MIRACLEBERRY!
JOHNSAV used POKé DOLL!
JOHNSAV ran away!
Wild ALLIGATOR HORDE used BELLOW!
JOHNSAV ran away scared!
... But, it failed!
Enemy TRUMP blocks the way!
Enemy TRUMP: IF YOU GO AFTER ME, I’M COMING AFTER YOU
Enemy TRUMP: There are no mixed messages. There are no mixed messages.
Enemy TRUMP used TRUMP SWORD!
JOHNSAV used DODGEROLE!
JOHNSAV DODGEd ROLE as HORRORVICTIM!
Enemy TRUMP kept going and crashed!
... Into COCONUT TREE!
COCONUT TREE is angry!
COCONUT TREE used FALL!
HARRIS fell on enemy TRUMP!
HARRIS: You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?!
HARRIS used CAMPAIGN!
It's super effective!
Enemy TRUMP used CAMPAIGN!
It's not very effective...
Forces collide!
CAM's PAIN greatly rose!
Enemy TRUMP's attack continues!
COCONUT TREE's attack continues!
COCONUTs scattered everywhere!
Enemy ALLIGATOR HORDE used DEVOUR!
On COCONUTS!
Right, I know how this ended up for the trick-or-treater and the sleuth, and the path is clear. Bye!
JOHNSAV ran away!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
...Also, while I doubt there's any undecided American voters reading this... Don't vote Gore in '24, he's not running. Maybe vote Harris instead, same party and she sides with the coconut trees.
There's a good chance this battle only really makes sense to me out of all people who read it.
It's a reference to an obscure-as-hell early-2000s-era fangame that doesn't even really show up on Google anymore.
Good luck.
SORA: WHAT
Cloud will never let go of the darkness.
SORA: CLOUD HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER, GO AWAY
The darkness never lets go.
SORA: *sigh*
SORA: Sorry guys, I got an edgelord to deal with, I'll be right back
I still wonder if it'll change its mind once I defea--
SORA used BOOT TO THE HEAD!
It's super effective!
SEPHIROTH fainted!
Ally MEMORY died!
SEPHIROTH woke up!
It attacked in a grumpy rage!
Enemy EDGAR used BOMB THROW!
It's not very effective...
SEPHIROTH flinched!
Enemy EDGAR used BOMB THROW!
It's not very effective...
SEPHIROTH flinched!
... AND SO ON!
SEPHIROTH woke up!
EDGAR: We're fighting for a good cause. Want to come with us?
Congratulations! PARTY evolved into
What? JUDGITE is devolving!
Congratulations! Your SUPREMEBEING devolved into EDGAR!
DEATH: ONE MAY RETURN.
DEATH: YOU ARE NOT THE ONE.
SEPHIROTH died!
It attacked in a grumpy rage!
It doesn't affect enemy TERRA!
TERRA: ... mortal weapons do not hurt me, yada yada...
... it's no good, ugh, my head...
TERRA: Yeah by the sound of it it's probably not worth it anyway
TERRA: You were probably some sort of major boss villain by the looks of it.
TERRA: Surface is thatta way, be sure to get three dog treats for Cerberus, you can probably skip the dead rats for now, his snakes got fed two days ago.
TERRA: Terra.
TERRA: ... Though right now you can probably call me King Minos, you break it you buy it I guess...
... this train of thought will go bad places, never mind.
SEPHIROTH ran away!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
I don't even know.
GERRY gave SPEECH from STUMP!
I have crowd sizes. It's the economy.
I have done more for trees than any politician in the history.
Blah. Blah blah? Blah blah money blah.
Blah.
Blah, blah, blah...
TREE used LEAF!
TREE LEFT!
Presenting: My vice candidate, Leopard.
LEOPARD: If you elect us we'll eat your enemies' faces.
LEOPARD: If I am in charge I will keep you safe. By eating the other party's faces.
UM RED: Why are you giving a speech in a forest anyway, this is dumb by our standards.
And besides, look at the crowd size! It's a captive audience! You can hardly see the forest through 'em.
UM RED: ... They're trees, boss.
LEOPARD: And trees are both powerful and capable of great violence.
LEOPARD: Therefore, even without faces, it will be worthwhile to have them on our side if we can.
TREE used LEAF!
TREE LEFT!
UM RED: They're leaving.
LEOPARD: Yes that's fine, as long as a reasonable number are still on board...
TREE: ... boo ...
You know, trees love me.
And I love trees too, if you haven't heard about my environmental policy...
Buy my new trading cards. I love trees. Couldn't make 'em without 'em.
LEOPARD: !!
LEOPARD: Mr. Gerry, you may not wish to mention--
Enemy TREES is angry!
Enemy TREES wants to fight!
LEOPARD: --...anything made of paper... ugh, too late.
Enemy TREES used FALL!
APPLES fell on GERRY!
More importantly, it's unfair against me!
In which case I am entirely justified in cheating back. Go, Gerryzard.
GERRY sent out GERRYZARD!
GERRYZARD used INCENDIARY RHETORIC!
It's super effective!
Enemy TREES was burned!
Enemy TREES' rage is building!
Enemy TREES's attack rose!
Enemy TREES used FALL!
BURNING LEAVES fell on GERRYZARD!
GERRYZARD fainted!
BURNING LEAVES fell on GERRY!
GERRY fainted!
No! There's no running from a POKé BATTL--
Obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH, EAST and WEST!
All are blocked by enemy TREES!
Enemy TREES used BRANCH TOSS!
UM RED fainted!
Fortunately for me I have a strategy for this situation.
While I am primarily a connoisseur of countenances, I am also a leopard.
As these two have not yet outlasted their usefulness, I will therefore lift them into the trees like a baby hippopotamus, thus escaping from our arboreal aggressors.
LEOPARD used TREE CLIMB!
LEOPARD climbed TREE!
LEOPARD, UM RED, and GERRY ran away!
TREE is angry!
TREE used FALL!
TREE fainted!
But, LEOPARD has already left BATTLEFIELD!
Battle ended in a draw!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
A common trope in several PokéBattles versions near the end of the era was critique of the XBox, at the time the largest video game console ever released, by use of it as an enormous adversarial force. It has since been surpassed by the PS5. The results write themselves to an extent. I've wanted to do this since I started the version, but never had it in me until now.
CRASH was not Enemy STOCK MARKET!
CRASH was FOXFIRE VERSION!
Fortunately, only VOLATILE DATA was lost!
I.e., none of it!
With my fourth-generation XBox Series X, we will conquer this new Version anew!
Enemy PS5 appeared!
Why is it so big.
PS5 wants to fight!
PS5 sent out CONTROLLER!
Go! CONTROLLER!
Enemy PS5 sent out CONTROLLER!
CONTROLLER used CONTROL!
Enemy CONTROLLER used CONTROL!
Forces collide!
It's not very compatible...
CONTROLLER fainted!
Enemy CONTROLLER fainted!
Go! XBOX!
Enemy PS5 sent out PS5!
XBOX used XRAY!
It's not very effective...
Enemy PS5 used BLU-RAY!
It's not very effective...
XBOX used NETPLAY!
Enemy PS5 used NETPLAY!
Enemy PS5: THE FUTURE IS NOW< OLD MAN
Enemy PS5 used TACKLE!
It's super effective!
XBOX used RED RINGS OF DEATH!
What? XBOX is evolving!
Congratulations! Your XBOX evolved into PAPERWEIGHT!
Enemy PS5 sent out CONTROLLER!
Enemy PS5 used CONTROL!
BILL GATES was fully CONTROLled!
Enemy PS5 won!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.
The monkeys' plans continue to progress and/or destabilize...
UM BLUE: Well, we've got a lot of upfront capital from the Leopard.
UM BLUE: He's also dealt with Maroon and Chartreuse. They were traitors, you see?
UM CYAN: Well we were working with Gerry on Gerry Social.
UM CYAN: But it's competing internally with Longrat's platform, 'cause he can't keep himself to one place, and they're both lookin' real Titanic-esque, real quick.
UM PURPLE: Polls project 44/55, and not in his favor.
UM PURPLE: That's probably pretty good considering he's got a 0% approval rating.
UM PURPLE: We're basically coasting on the apathy vote.
UM PURPLE: Oh and there's like four warrants out for his arrest.
How about the big one, the GerryCoin?
UM YELLOW: It's selling like hotcakes.
UM YELLOW: Specifically, day-old re-microwaved hotcakes in a sweltering summer afternoon, when the toppings and ice cream have all run out.
UM YELLOW: And we're receiving negative reviews because people thought the 1cm square of his suit would be a 1 inch square.
UM YELLOW: The only folks who're buying are the ones who want other people's faces to get eaten by leopards.
UM BLUE: And the leopard's been leaning on us to make sure he wins.
UM PINK: Also I think the webmaster knows we're here.
UM PURPLE: Still a 42% chance of winning! ... wait, make that 40%.
DOOR appeared!
DOOR going and crashed!
DOOR fainted!
DEATH appeared!
DEATH wants to fight!
DEATH sent out DEATH!
Go, Cinnabar!
The enemy's death itself! Get'm UM CINNABAR!
DEATH: CAN WE JUST GET THIS OVER WITH PLEASE.
DEATH: I HAVE A DATE WITH NAHMAN TONIGHT.
DEATH sent out SCYTHE!
SCYTHE used NIGHT SLASH!
UM CINNABAR died!
Speaking of: Go, Puce!
Go! UM PUCE!
Ally LEOPARD appeared!
LEOPARD: ... Okay.
Enemy SCYTHE used NIGHT SLASH!
UM PUCE died!
LEOPARD used SMOKESCREEN!
Enemy SCYTHE's ACCURACY fell!
BATTLEFIELD's shrouded in smoke!
DEATH: UGH.
DEATH: OKAY FINE WE'RE DOING THIS THE HARD WAY
SCYTHE used AUTOSLASH!
SCYTHE's attack missed!
Critical hit!
WALL is in critical condition!
...Ack!
Watch where SCYTHE is aiming! NARRATOR was almost hit!
SMOKE fainted!
DEATH: OKAY, UGH... HOW MANY ARE LEFT...
ROOM is empty!
DEATH: WE ARE GOING TO CALL THAT GOOD THEN. BYE!~
DEATH won!
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.