Poké Battles: Foxfire Version
Foxfire Version: Official Battles

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Phantom Version: Fan Battles
Amber Version: Historical Archives
Network: Community Content & Fansites

These were the first five battles I ever published, albeit not all the first I ever wrote. The bulk of these were establishing characters whom I had plans for in later battles.

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It wasn't uncommon for fan versions - and to an extent, Red Version itself - to feature their webmasters in meaningful roles in the story. Hence, Hiber's appearance here, being a creation myth. Hiber won't often take a direct hand in things, but might if there's a big enough plot event.

Battle #1: A New Beginning. May 27, 2021
Location: The Infinite Void
Player: Hiber [No Record]


It's been over twenty-two years since this medium began, near seventeen since the Void swallowed it alive, twelve since the last shot at reviving it.
I shall not make the mistakes of my forebears.
I shall not succumb to ego, nor write for anyone but myself. I shall write solely for my own desires.
And so I shall howl at the Void, and a new world shall be born!
So, Void. I stand before you, and challenge you. I shall create and I shall endure!

HIBER used DRAMATIC SPEECH!
It's not very effective...
VOID wants to fight!
Well, then... Let's go!
VOID sent out APATHY!
VOID sent out DISINTEREST!
VOID sent out DISTRACTION!
Oh, so this is the sort of thing that brought us down in the past. But I will not be so easily tempted. Go, me! I'll howl to the Void, and show them my determination!
HIBER sent out HIBER!
Begone with you, irrelevant things! Hear my howl and roar and get out of my way!
HIBER used OVERLY DRAMATIC ROAR!
It's super effective! ... for now.
DISTRACTION was blown away!
DISINTEREST was blown away!
APATHY was blown away!
VOID was dragged out!
And now, I'll show you what this new world will be made of!
HIBER used PLANETFALL!
PLANETFALL by INFOCOM! Available summer 1983!
PLANET fell on enemy VOID!
Ads...
Enemy VOID used ABSORB!
It's not very effective...
You won't defeat me, O bottomless void.
Now, to make this world something other than a lifeless ball of rock.
Terraform!

HIBER used TERRAFORM!
TERRA was FORMED!
... Wait. Just to be sure. That is the new world, and not the Final Fantasy character. Yes?
TERRA is neither!
TERRA wants to fight!
TERRA: For the glory of the StarDroids, we shall conquer this Earth!
Oh. It's the Megaman one.
I don't have a living world for you to conquer yet. We need to finish pushing back the Void first.

TERRA: ...
TERRA wants to fight! ... Enemy VOID!
Ally TERRA used SPARK CHASER!
Congratulations! SPARK OF INSPIRATION was caught!
Oh, that works perfectly. I know what to do, now...
Enemy VOID used MEGA DRAIN!
MEGA MAN characters present were DRAINED!
It's super effective!
I know what I have to do.
This is, after all, a battle.
So, to the Void with this Void. I'm ending this now. Fire Spin!

HIBER used FIRE SPIN!
It's not very effective...
Enemy VOID can't move!
Of course you can't move. This is the Generation 1 version. Writhe and struggle all you want, but a battle is a battle, and you've already lost!
Its attack continues!
Its attack continues!
Its attack continues!
Its attack continues!
HIBER used FIRE SPIN!
It's not very effective...
Enemy VOID can't move!
Its attack continues!
Its attack continues!
TERRA: Are you just gonna keep doing that?
Don't doubt me. I can do this all day!
HIBER used FIRE SPIN!
It's not very effective...
Enemy VOID can't move!
Its attack continues!

Location: The Infinite Void, several hours later

Its attack continues!
Its attack continues!
Enemy VOID ran!
See that, nothing can deal with the power of that broken move.
Now, to work, in earnest this time.

HIBER won!
TERRA won!
PLANET won!
What? PLANET is evolving!
Hmm?
Congratulations! Your PLANET evolved into VERSION!
Well, that makes my job a lot easier.

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


Electronic devices were an extremely common adversary in old-school Poké Battles. Same here.

Battle #2: Telephony. June 3, 2021
Location: An apartment, somewhere in Foxfire Version
Player: Jane F. Deer [No Record]


PHONE wants to fight!
PHONE used RING!
Oh, no.
Let's see who it is...?

Enemy PHONE sent out TELEMARKETER!
TELEMARKETER used ADVERTISE!
TELEMARKETER: Would you be interested in this brand-new, one-of-a-kind, collector's-edition widget?
No! Stop calling me!
What will JANE do?
Oh, I have to send something out... Go... Smartphone!?
Get 'em! SMARTPHONE!
TELEMARKETER: These widgets are going fast. Every one of them is handmade by the...
Smartphone, use Do-Not-Call List!
SMARTPHONE used DNC LIST!
TELEMARKETER fainted!
Ah, glad that's over with.
PHONE is still here!
PHONE sent out SURVEY!
SURVEY used DATACOLLECT!
SURVEY: Hi, I'm Steve from Sketchy Research and we'd like to ask you a few questions on a confidential basis! It's totally not twenty minutes of horribly biased politics or badly written medical questions. Survey calls are not subject to the National DNC Registry.
NO!!
Smartphone, block his number and all the numbers connected to him!

SMARTPHONE used BLOCK!
BLOCK of CONCRETE fell on enemy SURVEY!
SURVEY fainted!
Good job, Smartphone, now what...
PHONE sent out ROBOCALL!
ROBOCALL used SCAM!
ROBOCALL: FOGHORN...! Congratulations! You've just won a free cruise! All you need to do to claim it is to enter your sixteen digit credit card code and your nine digit social security num--
You are lying!
JANE used HANGUP!
It's not very effective...
ROBOCALL used SCAM!
ROBOCALL: Hi, we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty...
Smartphone, privacy blocker!
SMARTPHONE used PRIVACY BLOCKER!
ROBOCALL was hedged out!
ROBOCALL fainted!
PHONE sent out SCAMMER!
SCAMMER: Hello I am John from Microsoft Technical Department and your computer is full of virus.
My computer is not full of viruses.
JANE's COMPUTER actually IS full of VIRUSES!
THAT is for another BATTLE!
SCAMMER: You need to give me remote access to your computer so I can show you the viruses!
Over my dead body!
JANE used HANGUP!
It doesn't affect enemy SCAMMER!
SCAMMER: Hello this is IRS, you have been impersonated by scammer, we just need to know your personal information to verify and protect all your money.
Smartphone! Privacy Blocker!
SMARTPHONE Used PRIVACY BLOCKER!
It doesn't affect enemy SCAMMER!
SCAMMER: PLease just listen for a moment, your doctor has authorized the purchase of this medical device--
DNC list!?
SMARTPHONE used DNC LIST!
Enemy SCAMMER absorbed the attack!
SCAMMER: The dealership of your car has authorized a recall with significant financial penalties for ignori--
Screw it. Return, Smartphone! Go, Kitchen Knife!
Go! KITCHKNIFE!
Use Cut, on the phone cord!
KITCHKNIFE used CUT!
PHONE CORD was CUT!
PHONE died!
SCAMMER ran!
Oh, thank goodness... Peace and quiet.
BUSINESS CALL can't get through!
SOCIAL CALL can't get through!
JANE is losing FRIENDS and is falling into DEBT!
JANE won!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


In classic Poké Battles, anything and everything is a potential adversary; trees in particular were both common and vicious. This battle just takes that classic encounter one step further.

Battle #3: The Lumberlost. June 10, 2021
Location: Lost Woods, Foxfire Version
Player: Ax Craig [No Record]


Ah, another gorgeous day out in the woods.
It is raining.
Not ideal for woodcutting, but what can you do?
CLOUD used THUNDER on enemy CLOUD!
It's super loud!
Ah, yes! But not every day can be sunshine and rainbows. There's beauty in the thunderstorm too. As long as lightning doesn't start hitting the ground I'm fine.
WOODS wants to fight!
Well, I'd say that's out of the ordinary, but honestly it's not. That said, I'd have expected just a tree or two.
WOODS sent out TREE!
I'm going to have to defend myself. All right. Go, my trusty ax!
AXCRAIG sent out AX!
TREE used FALL!
APPLES fell on AX!
It doesn't affect AX!
Of course it doesn't. We can do this all day. Ax, use Hack!
AX used HACK!
AX hacked into enemy TREE's e-mail account!
TREE's secrets were exposed!
You know, I didn't even know trees could get married in the first place, much less join organized crime cells.
TREE is exposed!
TREE is in danger here!
TREE ran!
WOODS sent out MTLION!
Oh, now, you see, this is a bit more intimidating.
MTLION used ROAR!
AX was blown away!
...Wait, but cougars can't roar...
CHEESELOAF was dragged out!
...
My lunch!!
Cheese Loaf, return!

CHEESELOAF is loafing around!
MTLION used DEVOUR!
CHEESELOAF was eaten!
CHEESELOAF fainted!
Right, that does it. Everything else is one thing, eating my lunch is a step too far.
Go, me!

AXCRAIG sent out AXCRAIG!
Now, to scare this big cat off!
MTLION used LANDSLIDE!
LAND below AXCRAIG's feet started to SLIDE!
Wait, how is that possible again? It's just a mountain lion, isn't it?
No!
MTLION is MOUNT LION!
... My lunch was stolen and eaten by a frickin' mountain?
AXCRAIG doesn't have much time to think about it!
AXCRAIG was blown away in the LANDSLIDE!
WOODS was blown away in the LANDSLIDE!
WOODS fainted!
AXCRAIG fainted!
Use next Pokémon?

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


I don't have anything much to say about this battle, but it adds another trainer to the roster of potential narrator victims.

Battle #4: Steve Problems June 17, 2021
Location: The Pallet Town Patch, Foxfire Version
Player: Steve "The Skeeve" Simmons [No Record]


Ahhh, what a gorgeous day.
Perfect for capturing some cute li'l Pokémon...
Gotta impress the ladies somehow.

STEVE is skeeving about!
Wild VULPIX appeared!
Perfect! Go, Grimer!
Go! GRIMER!
Wild VULPIX used FLAMETHROWER!
Wait... That's... That's a full flame-throwing kit.
That's actually pretty impressive. Gotta be something fun to do with that...

GRIMER was doused in FLAMETHROWER LIQUID!
GRIMER was burned!
Yeeesh.
That's okay though. He's made of 100% noncombustible industrial waste.
Grimer, use Sticky Hands!

GRIMER is on fire!
GRIMER used STICKY HANDS!
STICKY HANDS became BURNING HANDS!
A 15-foot cone around wild VULPIX was burned!
That's it. Get'm!
Wild VULPIX's FLASH FIRE triggered!
But, FLASHFIRE can't appear yet!
It doesn't affect enemy VULPIX!
...Wait, who?
Wild VULPIX used CONFUSE RAY!
Something happened off in the distance!
Well what was it?
You don't know!
Well this has been pointless. First its ability backfires and now its attack doesn't?
What's going on here?

STEVE is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
OW! Dammit!
GRIMER is still on fire!
GRIMER fainted!
Gaddomit... Return, Grimer!
Go, me!

GRIMER! Return!
STEVE sent out STEVE!
Now, I'll just...
Wild VULPIX used HYPNOSIS!
It's super effective!
STEVE was hypnotized!
No ... Thoughts ... Must ... Obey ...
VULPIX: Vul! Vul!
Wild VULPIX told STEVE to go jump in LAKE!
Yes ... Jump ... Lake ...
STEVE used JUMP!
STEVE jumped in a LAKE!
STEVE is hypnotized no more!
Aaackpfth! Where am I, where'd that cute li'l Vulpix go!?
VULPIX won!
LAKEMONSTER wants to fight!
Oh, dang it all...

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


This battle was one of the earlier ones I wrote and has been intended as battle #5 since it was. The original PokéBattles: Red Version introduced Star Wars characters on its fifth battle. This is also by far the longest and most dramatic battle I have published to date.

Despite the release of Star Wars: Episode I early in PokéBattles' run, I can't remember a single official or fan battle that gave more reference to it than the ubiquitous Jar-Jar bashing. This one draws from it, and from Star Wars: Episode I Racer to an extent. It also draws on running gag crossovers from other versions...

Battle #5: The Saga Begins, Race Edition June 24, 2021
Location: Tatooine, Mos Espa, Podrace Starting Grid
Player: Anakin Skywalker [No Record]


Yippee!!
ANAKIN is happy!
I just finished my podracer! I'm in the Boonta Classic!
And I'm going to win it. My pod's the fastest ever.

ANAKIN is overconfident!
SEBULBA wants to fight!
NEVAKEE wants to fight!
GASGANO wants to fight!
ELANMAK wants to fight!
ODYMAN wants to fight!
MARSGUO wants to fight!
MAWHONC wants to fight!
BROOR wants to fight!
BUMPY wants to fight!
BENQUAD wants ... to go home!
Ooh. That's ... a lot. But I can't get scared now.
If I can win this. The winnings will be enough to buy my and Mom's freedom.
I can do this!

ANAKIN is still overconfident!
SEBULBA's SABOTAGE!
Unknown racers were sabotaged!
Of course he would...
FODESINBEED: And we're off to the races, folks! Three ... Two ... One ... And go!
SEBULBA'S SABOTAGE!
ANAKIN was paralyzed! It may not attack!
ELANMAK was paralyzed! It may not attack!
Oh no!

Location: Waldo Flats

FODE: Looks like little Skywalker has stalled!
BEED: And the newcomer Elan Mak along with him!
SEBULBA: Eh heh heh...
SEBULBA used FLAMETHROWER!
ODYMAN was burned!
It kept going and crashed!
ODYMAN fainted!
BUMPY used BUMP!
BUMPY BUMPed into BROOR!
It kept going and crashed!
BUMPY fainted!
BROOR fainted!
FODE: It looks like this race is already getting rough!
BEED: It's gonna be a wild ride, tonight, folks...!
NARRATOR thinks there's only room for one NARRATOR here!
NARRATOR used NASTY PLOT...

Location: Starting Grid

ELANMAK used FIELD REPAIR!
A critical miss!
ELANMAK's POD blew up!
ELANMAK fainted!
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon work!
ANAKIN used FORCE!
RACER was FORCEd to WORK!
RACER reactivated!
FODE: The little human boy's moving again!
BEED: He'll be hard pressed to catch up with what's left of the pack!

Location: Mushroom Mesa

TEEMTO appeared!
TEEMTO used SQUEEZE!
ANAKIN is being SQUEEZED against ROCKS!
Oh no!
Maybe I can... Do a barrel roll over him?

ANAKIN used BARREL ROLL!
BARREL rolled into TEEMTO and crashed!
TEEMTO fainted!

Location: Canyon Dune Turn

MAWHONC appeared!
SEBULBA appeared!
MAWHONC used RAM!
It's not very effective...
SEBULBA: That all you got, slimeball!?
SEBULBA used RAM!
It's not very effective...
A critical hit!
MAWHONC flinched!
Wild SANDCRAWLER appeared!
Wild SANDCRAWLER used RAM!
It's super effective!
MAWHONC fainted!
FODE: Looks like there's some Jawas out looking for scrap!
BEED: Looks more like they're out there making scrap!

Location: Desert Plain

GASGANO appeared!
GASGANO used REARVIEW!
GASGANO ... is distracted!
...In the middle of a race? Seriously?
UNDEAD RSACi CLOUD appeared!
UNDEAD RSACi CLOUD used TERABOLT!
GASGANO's POD blew up!
GASGANO fainted!
FODE: Keep your eyes on the track, everybody!
BEED: I don't care what property you're from, that's gotta hurt!

Location: Hiber's writing-lair

NARRATOR is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
HIBER: Hmm?
RSACi is dead! There's no will to fight!
HIBER: That's true, the RSACi was closed in 1999 and rolled into ICRA.
ICRA is dead! There's no will to fight!
HIBER: That's also true. ICRA shut its doors permanently in 2010.
HIBER: But frankly, the RSACi Cloud never had that much to do with the actual RSACi or ICRA anyway.
HIBER: So I see no problem with dragging it up from the Amber and resurrecting it. The same way I did with you. The same way I did with this whole concept.
HIBER: More importantly than anything, it keeps a 20-year-old running gag going, and it's still funny.
HIBER: Now, don't you have something better to do?

Location: Hutt Flats

BENQUAD used QUADBOOST!
It's super effective!
BENQUAD went past MARSGUO!
Its attack continues!
BENQUAD went past SEBULBA!
Its attack continues!
It kept going and crashed!
...Into FODESINBEED!
BENQUAD's POD blew up!
BENQUAD fainted!
FODESINBEED died!
NARRATOR laughs malevolently!

ANAKIN appeared!
MARSGUO appeared!
MARSGUO used AFTERBURNER!
MARSGUO's AFT was burned!
Hey, looks like your engine needs tuning!
MARSGUO shouts in ANGRY ALIEN!
MARSGUO used RAM!
Dodge!
MARSGUO's attack missed!
SEBULBA appeared!
SEBULBA used ROCK THROW!
ROCK went in MARSGUO's engines!
MARSGUO's POD blew up!
That cheating, slimy...
SEBULBA used FLASH!
AAAAA!
ANAKIN averted eyes!
RACER kept going and crashed!
... Into ROCK!
RACER fainted!
ANAKIN kept going and crashed!
... Into TRACK!
ANAKIN is in critical condition!
SEBULBA: Ah ha ha... Stupid slimeball slave...
UNDEAD RSACi CLOUD appeared!
UNDEAD RSACi CLOUD heard someone was using FLASH!
UNDEAD RSACi CLOUD used TERABOLT!
SEBULBA's POD was blown to smithereens!
SEBULBA fainted!
Wait... There's nobody else coming... Did everybody else crash?...
Maybe I can... just... Walk...
ANAKIN used FORCE!
ANAKIN was FORCED to not faint!
ANAKIN very slowly walked across FINISH LINE!
ANAKIN won!
Wasn't there... One more... Though...
ANAKIN blacked out!

Location: Elsewhere...

NEVAKEE used MAP!
It doesn't affect NEVAKEE!
NEVAKEE: What is this... I must've made a wrong turn! Now I'm in a jungle! Is this even Tatooine anymore!? Keekeekeekeekee...!!!
RYOUGA HIBIKI appeared!
RYOUGA HIBIKI: Welcome to the club...
NEVAKEE is hopelessly lost!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.




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