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Doompuff's Rampage
Color key: Game Text / Dialogue
Battle #56: The Forest of No Return May 3, 2000
Setting: Game 50% / Reality 50% / Anime 0%
Player: Bob "That Guy" Smith [Record: 2-6-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Emperor Sloth (Battle #38)
BOB is walking down a PATH!
Oh man… I haven't heard any narrative text for five months…
BOB is searching for the FOREST OF NO RETURN!
Is that where the almighty Webmaster's latest plotline is taking me?
YOU aren't supposed to KNOW about that!
So, how am I supposed to know this forest when I find it?
Wild TREE appeared!
Wild TREE appeared!
Wild TREE appeared!
AAAAAAHH!! I'm not going in there!
BOB ran!
Whew…
...into TREE!
*sob* … why don't you just add that seventh loss to my record now?
Player: Bob "That Guy" Smith [Record: 2-7-0] Last Battle: Horribly painful death vs. Tree (Battle #56)
What the-? Hey! I didn't mean…
Wild TREE attacked!
ARGH! I'll show you--I'll become the master of this forest!
BOB wants to become a POKéMON MASTER!
Huh? No, I want to be a TREE MASTER!
BOB's DIGNITY greatly fell!
Ha! I had none to begin with. Clefairy, go!
Go! CLEFAIRY!
TREE used SWAY!
TREE is SWAYing in the wind!
Um, Clefairy--attack!
MUSIC starts up in the BACKGROUND!
CLEFAIRY begins to DANCE!
Huh?
CLEFAIRY did it WRONG!
CLEFAIRY was hit by a huge MALLET!
CLEFAIRY fainted!
Er… am I missing a joke here?
Oh, looks like a bad Pokémon choice!
Uh… Narrator?
The crowd's excitement is building over this hot battle!
Er… Go, me!
Go! BOB!
Time for my BOB attack!
BOB used BOB!
BOB is BOBBING FOR APPLES!
It's super effective!
Ha! No more apples for you!
TREE used FALL!
It didn't affect BOB!
Of course not! There were no apples left on the tree!
Muhahahahahahahahahaha!
BOB used YELLOW VERSION LAUGH!
It's super effective!
TREE needs WATER, badly!
Hey… this is a wild tree, isn't it?
Perhaps I could… hey, I bet I COULD!
Ultra Ball, go!
BOB used ULTRA BALL!
TREE was caught!
YES!! I bet no one's ever caught an almighty TREE before!
BOB is correct!
I vow to become the best … and only… TREE trainer ever!
BOB is becoming OBSESSED!
BOB reached the CENTER of the FOREST!
Oh yeah… I'm still in the Forest of No Return, aren't I?
SHRINE appeared!
Hmm… there seems to be some ancient text engraved here…
Looks like it dates all the way back to the 1900's…
SHRINE: HE WHO SPEAKS THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY ONE SHALL BE ALLOWED TO PASS INTO THE NETWORK.
Almighty one? Um… MEWTWO!
No effect!
The narrator!
No effect!
Bill Gates!
No effect!
The Webmaster!
PORTAL to AQUA VERSION appeared!
PORTAL to ILLUMINA VERSION appeared!
PORTAL to BLACK VERSION appeared!
PORTAL to PURPLE VERSION appeared!
PORTAL to FROST VERSION appeared!
Several OTHER PORTALS appeared!
I've never heard of these places… but imagine the Pokémon I could catch by traveling between versions!
BOB is IMAGINING!
Hmm… I think I'll tell Da Evolution Man about this discovery…
TREE appeared!
TREE appeared!
TREE wants to fight!
TREE wants to fight!
Heh. Time to earn some experience for my own Tree...
Battle #57: Excessive Evolution May 10, 2000
Setting: Game 10% / Reality 30% / Anime 60%
Player: James from Team Rocket [Record: 5-6-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Jessie (Battle #51)
JESSIE!! WHERE ARE YOU?
JESSIE appeared!
JESSIE wants to know how you're ALIVE!
Because I found the antidote for that lousy poison your Arbok used on me!
JESSIE says that's a SHAME!
What? Grr… I'll battle you! Then we'll see who's the best there ever was!
JESSIE is LAUGHING!
What's so funny?
JESSIE says that's what ASH wants to be!
Who? Oh yeah, wasn't that kid eaten by Mewtwo?
JESSIE doesn't KNOW!
Anyway, I want to battle you!
JESSIE said you already tried that!
JESSIE reminds you that you LOST! BADLY!
Well, this is a rematch!
EVOLUMAN appeared!
PIKACHU appeared!
Uh oh…
EVOLUMAN: Prepare for evolution…
PIKACHU adds that there will be electrocution…
EVOLUMAN: To protect the world from Team Rocket…
PIKACHU says it'll feel like an electric socket...
EVOLUMAN: To terrify them with evils of destruction and death…
PIKACHU says they will suffer till their last breath…
EVOLUMAN says he is DA EVOLUTION MAN!
PIKACHU says it is the almighty PIKACHU!
EVOLUMAN says to surrender now or prepare to fight!
PIKACHU says that EVOLUMAN is right!
Uh… the situation sure looks bleak, Jessie--they've got a motto and everything.
JESSIE says they will PAY for stealing the TEAM ROCKET motto!
JESSIE wants to fight!
All right! Time for Team Rocket to make a stand!
EVOLUMAN wants to fight!
PIKACHU wants to fight!
Ally JESSIE sent out ARBOK!
Enemy EVOLUMAN sent out EVOLUMAN!
Enemy PIKACHU sent out MISSING NO.!
Oh man… I forgot about that Missing No….
Go! Jigglypuff!
JAMES sent out JIGGLYPUFF!
What? JIGGLYPUFF is DEVOLVING!
I thought it was 'de-evolving'…
That's because the OLD NARRATOR was an idiot!
Oh yeah… I forgot the old narrator died…
JIGGLYPUFF devolved into ZIGGLYGUFF!
Enemy EVOLUMAN says that's HIS ZIGGLYGUFF!
Not anymore, Evoluman!
Enemy EVOLUMAN used EVOLVE!
What? ZIGGLYGUFF is evolving!
ZIGGLYGUFF evolved into JIGGLYPUFF!
Hey, thanks for the favor.
Enemy EVOLUMAN's attack continues!
JIGGLYPUFF evolved into WIGGLYTUFF!
Ha! My power increases by the moment!
WIGGLYTUFF evolved into BIGGLYMUFF!
Aaah! That thing's scary!
BIGGLYMUFF evolved into RED DOOMPUFF!
AAAAAHHH!!!! RETURN, DOOMPUFF!
RED DOOMPUFF, come back!
Whew… that was close…
RED DOOMPUFF didn't come back!
Oh no! Jessie, what'll we do?
Ally JESSIE ran away!
Coward! Uh… I'll consult the Pokédex.
POKéDEX: A similar being on the loose in Aqua Version has more or less destroyed an entire world. If allowed to be released into Red Version, it could completely upset the balance of the entire Poké Battles Universe, and the chaos that ensues could destroy the Webmaster himself.
EVOLUMAN!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??
EVOLUMAN ran away!
Enemy MISSING NO. used ANNIHILATE on RED DOOMPUFF!
Yes! Go Missing No.!
RED DOOMPUFF was completely unaffected!
Uh oh…
RED DOOMPUFF snapped MISSING NO. in HALF!
Enemy PIKACHU ran away!
Hey, wait! Giovanni loaned me his Master Ball… I'm sure he'd approve of me using it in this case…
JAMES used MASTER BALL!
RED DOOMPUFF ate MASTER BALL!
Ooooookay, I'm running now.
JAMES ran away!
RED DOOMPUFF wins!
Battle #58: Doompuff Massacre May 17, 2000
Setting: Game 50% / Reality 30% / Anime 20%
Player: Mewtwo [Record: 1-1-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Emperor Sloth
HEAR ME! I am the great and powerful MEW II! Nothing can defeat me!
NARRATOR reminds you that your name is MEWTWO!
I like roman numerals! Do you have a problem with that??
NARRATOR doesn't particularly CARE!
Of course not! There is no trainer or Pokémon on the planet more powerful than I, so there's nothing you can threaten me with!
GROUND begins to TREMBLE!
What is this?
RED DOOMPUFF appeared!
What a strange little Pokémon this is…
RED DOOMPUFF wants to fight!
Don't be silly, little Doompuff--Pokémon aren't meant to fight. We should live in peace.
RED DOOMPUFF wants to kill!
Now, Doompuff--clearly you just need someone to talk to. What troubles you so?
RED DOOMPUFF wants to destroy!
You have such a one-track mind, Doomy.
RED DOOMPUFF does not like being called DOOMY!
Come now--this is no time for an argument.
RED DOOMPUFF says in that case, it wants to BATTLE you!
Absolutely not. Under the rules of Poké Battles, you cannot fight against an opponent who refuses to battle. So stop insisting on this-
RED DOOMPUFF sent out RED DOOMPUFF!
Silly Doompuff--now what are you going to do?
RED DOOMPUFF says it needs a PRACTICE FIGHT!
All you want to do is practice? Well, I have caught some humans recently, so I guess this is a good opportunity to test their strength.
Boris, go ahead.
Go! BORIS!
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF instantly devoured BORIS!
What the-? A strong one you are. Let's see what my special-issue Mewtwo Pokédex has to say about it.
MEWTWODEX: This is not a Mewtwo. Therefore it lacks any importance.
Odd… that's what it says about every Pokémon…
*sigh* I really need to get one of those nice Microsoft Pokédexes.
RED DOOMPUFF is HUNGRY!
Um… let's see if this Brock guy's got any tricks up his sleeve.
Get'm, BROCK!
RED DOOMPUFF instantly devoured BROCK!
Wha…? This is impossible… how could one little Pokémon be so powerful?
I'm sorry Doompuff, but you're a danger to society--I must dispose of you myself.
The enemy's impossible to defeat! Get'm, Mewtwo!
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF used DEVOUR!
Your RIGHT ARM was chewed OFF!
AAARRGGHH!! How did that thing get the first move??
RECOVER!!
MEWTWO used RECOVER!
ARM regenerated!
Okay, now I'll be able to-
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF used DEVOUR!
Impossible!
Your HEAD was chewed OFF!
Recover!
MEWTWO used RECOVER!
HEAD regenerated!
*gasp* I won't even ask how that was possible…
SWIFT!
MEWTWO used SWIFT!
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF ate the attack!
It… cannot… be!
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF used RABID BITE!
It's super effective!
I… cannot believe it… there's no way to win… unless… there's one chance...
I NOW FOCUS ALL MY REMAINING POWERS INTO ICE BEAM!
DIE, DOOMPUFF!!
MEWTWO used ICE BEAM!
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF caught the BEAM!
No way!
RED DOOMPUFF stabbed you with the ICE BEAM!
YEEEEEEAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!
MEWTWO fainted!
RED DOOMPUFF points ICE BEAM at NARRATOR!
Um… er… MEWTWO died!
RED DOOMPUFF is happy!
RED DOOMPUFF lowers ICE BEAM!
RED DOOMPUFF wins!
NARRATOR ran away!
Battle #59: Seas of Misfortune May 24, 2000
Setting: Game 0% / Reality 100% / Anime 0%
Player: Captain Pete [Record: 1-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Pirate (Battle #11)
Arr, matey, I sight land on the horizon!
MATEY says you ALWAYS claim to sight land on the horizon!
Arr, but it be true this time! See there, Matey, there be a buoy in the water.
MATEY says he's never seen a buoy with fangs before!
I have seen nothing like it in all the seven seas….
BUOY wants to fight!
All hands on deck! We got us a floatin' target!
SHIPMATES used HANDS!
SHIPMATES' HANDS are ON DECK!
Arr… what could this buoy want with us?
BUOY wants a nice, warm MEAL!
You there! Get one of the prisoners to walk the plank!
PRISONER used WALK!
PRISONER fell into WATER!
BUOY instantly DEVOURED PRISONER!
Arr… be at peace now, gentle buoy. Allow us passage through your waters.
BUOY wants MORE!
Arr… have we any more prisoners?
SHIPMATE says NO!
Well then, it be you who must walk the plank now.
SHIPMATE OBEYS without QUESTION!
SHIPMATE was instantly DEVOURED by BUOY!
Arr, Buoy, accept my sacrifice and allow us passage.
BUOY wants MORE!
Shiver me timbers! Ye can't still be hungry!
BUOY was renamed DOOMBUOY!
We're going through whether you like it or not, Doombuoy!
MATEY wants to know why you stopped talking like a SEA CAPTAIN!
Er… arr…
DOOMBUOY is angry!
Arr… well I'd like to see what ye'll do about it! Har har!
DOOMBUOY sank beneath the waves!
Har! That evil buoy's given up already!
SHIP begins to ROCK VIOLENTLY!
Arr! Didn't I say all hands on deck??
MATEY says that you sacrificed your only SHIPMATE!
Arr… this be a bad thing…
DOOMBUOY gnaws through BOTTOM of SHIP!
WATER begins to LEAK IN!
Arrrrrrrr! My ship... my beloved ship!
DOOMBUOY chewed through some NEARBY planks!
DOOMBUOY looks at you!
What kind of a creature be this?
MATEY reminds you that there's a fine line between talking like a SEA CAPTAIN and talking like YODA!
Shut up, swine! Feed yourself to the buoy as punishment!
MATEY OBEYS without QUESTION!
MATEY was instantly DEVOURED by DOOMBUOY!
Arr… 'twas the best crew a captain could hope for...
DOOMBUOY was renamed RED DOOMPUFF!
Arr… so you have revealed your true self.
RED DOOMPUFF wants to fight!
Let the swashbuckling begin!
Go! CAPTAIN PETE!
CAPTAIN PETE used SWASHBUCKLE!
This sword'll pop this pesky critter…
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF bit SWORD in HALF!
What the-?
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF used DOOMBITE!
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF latched onto your ARM!
ARR!!! GET THIS THING OFF ME!! ARRRRRRR!!!
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF is sucking out CAPTAIN PETE's BLOOD!
Owww!! You can't do this to me!! I am the greatest Sea Captain of the seven seas!
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF continues to suck BLOOD!
*gasp* Can't believe I've been defeated by a buoy of all things…
Enemy RED DOOMPUFF says your blood is lip-smackin' good!
...can't… believe… that's the…. last thing… I must hear… before dying… arr…
CAPTAIN PETE died!
RED DOOMPUFF is angry!
RED DOOMPUFF wants to fight CORPSE!
CORPSE refuses!
RED DOOMPUFF throws CORPSE overboard!
RED DOOMPUFF watches CORPSE drown!
RED DOOMPUFF is HAPPY!
SHIP sinks!
RED DOOMPUFF floats away to find other VICTIMS!
Battle #60: Trainer of Death May 31, 2000
Setting: Game 30% / Reality 70% / Anime 0%
Player: Rab [Record: 2-2-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Death (Battle #49)
RED DOOMPUFF is RAMPAGING through RED VERSION!
So?
YOU should PREPARE to BATTLE it!
Nah… I don't care about that--I gotta train my new Pokémon, Death.
SALESMAN appeared!
Hey, what a perfect opportunity!
SALESMAN wants to know if you've seen a VENOSLOTH anywhere!
Um… no… wanna meet my Death?
SALESMAN says he's already seen DEATH!
He says he would have DIED if not for the GREEN VALKYRIE's HELP!
Here, take another look.
Go! DEATH!
See? Check out the way he's all dark and creepy.
SALESMAN is COWERING in TERROR!
Hey, don't worry--I got this guy completely under control.
SALESMAN wants to take FLIGHT!
A fight, huh? Well, you asked for it!
SALESMAN says he's more afraid of what's BEHIND you!
Huh? What's that? Oh, that's just a Jigglypuff. It's got nice fangs though… maybe I'll catch it later.
SALESMAN tries to explain that-
No time! Death! Kill!
DEATH used KILL!
SALESMAN is already DEAD!
What the-?
RED DOOMPUFF devoured him so quickly that the NARRATOR didn't have time to tell you!
Hmm… so this is the infamous Doompuff, eh? Hey Death, you got any expendable Pokémon with you? I want to see the Doompuff in action.
DEATH sent out MEOWTH!
MEOWTH joined RED DOOMPUFF!
Traitor! Oh well, I'm sure MEOWTH will meet a most gruesome fate…
RED DOOMPUFF and MEOWTH are getting along just FINE!
RED DOOMPUFF is interested in killing YOU!
Uh… uh oh… Death! Kill!!
DEATH! Come back!
What?? What're you doing hiding in your Poké Ball like that??
RED DOOMPUFF is DROOLING with ANTICIPATION!
Oh shoot… I'm gonna die…
POKé MAN appeared!
POKé MAN is standing HEROICALLY between you and DOOMPUFF!
Oooookay… I'm outta here!
iRAB ran away like the coward he is!
Player: Poké Man [Record: 4-3-2] Last Battle: Win vs. Bank Robber (Battle #47)
Your days of killing off minor characters have ended, Doompuff!
CHUCK WOOLERY appeared!
CHUCK WOOLERY was instantly devoured by RED DOOMPUFF!
What?? Didn't you hear what I just said, evil-doer!?
RED DOOMPUFF is not IMPRESSED!
Huh? But check out this cape! Look at the way it flies about in the wind! Why, that wonderful reporter Mark Dent wrote a whole article about the special fiber that must be used in order to-
RED DOOMPUFF instantly devoured CAPE!
Aaaah!!! Now you've gone too far!
RED DOOMPUFF latched onto your ARM!
Haha! I'm invulnerable! You cannot defeat me!
RED DOOMPUFF is trying to sink its FANGS into your skin!
Haha! But you cannot! For I am the all-powerful… uh… what the-? OW!
RED DOOMPUFF is VERY SLOWLY biting through your skin!
I don't believe it! Time for a super-powerful punch!
POKé MAN used PUNCH!
RED DOOMPUFF lost its GRIP!
RED DOOMPUFF landed on the ground and rolled AWAY!
Argh… I can't believe that little creature made me bleed!
Well, at least it's defeated now…
RED DOOMPUFF suddenly came flying at you!
AAAAAAAHHH!!!!
RED DOOMPUFF latched onto your NECK!
IMPOSSIBLE! No creature has ever withstood my Super Punch! How can this be possi- uh oh, I'm feeling pain again…
POKé MAN used SUPER SPIN!
RED DOOMPUFF lost its GRIP!
RED DOOMPUFF flew far into the DISTANCE!
*gasp* *cough*
This… is… impossible…
RED DOOMPUFF used FLY-BY-WIRE!
RED DOOMPUFF is HOMING IN on your POSITION!
Maybe if I can make it to the Forest of No Return, it won't be able to follow me… yes--I'd much rather deal with the TREEs than with this horrible DOOMPUFF creature.
RED DOOMPUFF is closing in RAPIDLY!
Time to fly!
POKé MAN used FLY!
POKé MAN flew up, up, and away!
Whew… I'm pretty sure that Doompuff can't match my super speed in the air…
POKé MAN is flying toward RED DOOMPUFF!
AAAAAAHHH!!! OTHER WAY!! OTHER WAY!!
Player: Rab [Record: 3-3-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Red Doompuff (Battle #60)
Hmm… maybe I'll go back and help out Poké Man…
Ha!! When Doompuffs fly! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
POKé MAN flew by SCREAMING!
RED DOOMPUFF flew by in CLOSE PURSUIT!
Ah haha… haha… uh….
MIDGYOTO appeared!
What the-? I thought you were dead!
MIDGYOTO says it was! It had to stay in Black Version with Jar-Jar Binks!
Wow… gee… that's bad and all but… I kinda want to kill you.
MIDGYOTO wants to kill you, too!
Good then! DIE!
MIDGYOTO calls you a son of an onion!
Quit saying that!
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