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Ultimate Rivalry
Color key: Game Text / Dialogue
Battle #16: Professor Oak Justice July 28, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: James from Team Rocket [Record: 2-1-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Geodude (Battle #15)
OAK wants to fight!
Still?
OAK sent out CHARMANDER!
Ooh, now there's a good Pokémon to steal.
I'll use my newly-caught Geodude!
Go! GEODUDE!
Enemy CHARMANDER used EMBER!
It's not very effective...
You can't burn a rock! You of all people should know that, Oak!
Oak says he's so sure he'll win, it doesn't matter what he uses!
Oh yeah? Geodude, use your Rock Throw attack!
GEODUDE used ROCK THROW!
GEODUDE is throwing rocks!
What are you doing?? Use your Rock Throw attack - don't just throw rocks!
Enemy CHARMANDER used EMBER!
It's not very effective...
Okay Geodude, use an attack!
GEODUDE is a DUDE!
What kind of lame Geodude are you??
Enemy CHARMANDER used EMBER!
It's not very effective...
Geodude, DO SOMETHING!!
GEODUDE is still a DUDE!
Enemy CHARMANDER used EMBER!
Critical hit!
It's not very effective...
GEODUDE fainted!
Argh... Koffing's still fainted... all I have left is...
Get'm, JIGGLYPUFF!
Enemy CHARMANDER used EMBER!
Okay, Jiggly... put the enemy to sleep!
JIGGLYPUFF used SING!
Enemy CHARMANDER fell asleep!
YES!
OAK withdrew CHARMANDER!
Ha ha, what's next Oak?
OAK sent out MEWTWO!
Uhh, okay Jiggly, be strong...
Use sing again, it's your only chance!
JIGGLYPUFF used SING!
Enemy OAK fell asleep!
That was unexpected....
Enemy MEWTWO is on a RAMPAGE!
Aah! Look out Jiggly, it's headed straight for us!
JIGGLYPUFF holds its ground!
*sniff* what a brave little jiggler... trying to protect its trainer...
Enemy MEWTWO used SWIFT!
Enemy MEWTWO's attack missed!
Good job, floating away from that attack, Jigglypuff!
Try pounding it this time!
JIGGLYPUFF is loafing around!
What? Jigglypuff, don't do anything drastic now...
JIGGLYPUFF gets JIGGLY WITH IT!
Woah... now that's the strangest thing I've ever seen.
Enemy MEWTWO is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Jigglypuff, now's our chance! Let's get out of here!
JIGGLYPUFF, come back!
JAMES ran away!
MEWTWO played the Poké Flute!
OAK woke up!
OAK: JAMES! You cannot hide forever!
Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again...
OAK: JAMES! I will find you!
When you do, I'll be ready!
OAK: JAMES!
Battle #17: A Rival Appears August 4, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Poké Man [No Record]
Faster than a speeding Rapidash!
More powerful than a loco Psyduck!
Able to leap tall Dragonites with a single bound!
Look! Up in the sky!!
It's a Pidgey!
It's a Fearow!
No! It's Poké Man!
VILLAIN wants to fight!
Haha! Do your worst!
VILLAIN sent out MACHAMP!
You are no match for me, evil-doer!
Go! HITMONLEE!
Enemy MACHAMP used WHEATIES!
Enemy MACHAMP's attack greatly rose!
The breakfast of machampions, eh?
C'mon, Hitmonlee, hit it while it's eating!
HITMONLEE used HIT!
HITMONLEE HIT enemy MACHAMP!
Ha ha! Give it up, you criminal!
Enemy MACHAMP is a CHAMP!
HITMONLEE fainted!
Hmm, you can't frighten me!
Get'm, HITMONCHAN!
Okay, Hitmonchan... hit that thing.
HITMONCHAN used HIT!
HITMONCHAN HIT enemy MACHAMP!
Enemy MACHAMP fainted!
Give it up, you enemy of the law!
Enemy VILLAIN does not like being called names!
It doesn't matter what YOU don't like!
I, Poké Man, will bring you to justice!
VILLAIN sent out VILLAIN!
Ah, I see you wish to fight me yourself.
Very well, I'll humor you.
HITMONCHAN! Enough!
Go! POKé MAN!
Go ahead. Take your best shot.
Enemy VILLAIN used GUN!
Enemy VILLAIN took its best shot!
...he's not a Pokémon, you don't have to call him "it."
It doesn't affect POKé MAN!
I knew that invulnerability would come in handy some day.
I think I'll use my heat vision...
POKé MAN used HEAT VISION!
POKé MAN can see HEAT!
Ha ha! A warm one you are!
Enemy VILLAIN is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Woah... I've never seen anyone punch himself in the face like that.
Are you alright, evil nemesis?
Enemy VILLAIN used Pokénite!
Argh! My one weakness!
Enemy VILLAIN used LAUGH!
Enemy VILLAIN is LAUGHING!
Nooooo.... I can feel my spleen shriveling up....!
POKé MAN is fully paralyzed!
*gasp* ... must.... stop.... evil-doer....
Enemy VILLAIN used RUN!
VILLAIN ran away!
Phew... he took the Pokénite with him.
A mistake it was to run away from Poké Man!
Faster than a speeding Rapidash...
...and I can see your heat! Catching this criminal will be a snap!
Pokémon Snap! Only $49.95 from your local Nintendo retailer.
I liked these battles better before they had all these ads in them...
DA EVOLUTION MAN: Poké Man?? WHO'S THAT? I'm the only "man" around here!
BOB "THAT GUY" SMITH: If you're the only man, then what am I??
DA EVOLUTION MAN: I believe you are a "guy" not a "man."
BOB "THAT GUY" SMITH: Quit making those quotes in the air with your fingers... it's scaring me.
Battle #18: Poké Man in Action Comics!
August 11, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Poké Man [Record: 1-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Villain (Battle #17)
With the aid of my heat vision, finding this villain will be a snap!
Pokémon Snap! Only $49.95...
Argh... I don't want to hear any more advertisements for that game, alright??
...
Good. Now, where's that villain...?
VILLAIN wants to fight!
What? You're challenging me again?
VILLAIN sent out VILLAIN!
...and you're even fighting me yourself?
Alright then, looks like I'll have to bring you to justice.
Go! POKé MAN!
Enemy VILLAIN used GUN!
It's not very effective...
We've been through all this already...
Your puny weapons have no effect on me!
What? VILLAIN is evolving!
Ha! Into what? A law-abiding citizen?? Don't make me laugh!
VILLAIN evolved into SUPERVILLAIN!
Oh.... alright then...
POKé MAN used POKE!
POKé MAN POKED enemy SUPERVILLAIN!
Ha! That'll teach you not to rob banks!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN used Pokénite!
Oh no! I must act quickly or I will become even weaker than Da Evolution Man!
POKé MAN used SAND ATTACK!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN'S accuracy fell!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN dropped Pokénite!
Pokénite fell through enemy STORM DRAIN!
Where'd that storm drain come from??
ENEMY storm drain??
SINCE WHEN WAS THE STORM DRAIN AN ENEMY??
Enemy STORM DRAIN used DRAIN!
POKé MAN's HP was DRAINED!
Nyyyarrrrgh....!!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN is LAUGHING MANIACALLY!!
Enemy STORM DRAIN used DRAIN!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN's HP was DRAINED!
*gasp* ...at least it got... you too....
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN suggests that you join forces with him!
Against the storm drain, eh?
Well, I suppose I have no choice...
ALRIGHT THEN! Time to do some serious stomping!
POKé MAN used STOMP!
Enemy STORM DRAIN was STOMPED!
Your turn, Supervillain.
Ally SUPERVILLAIN used CONFUSION!
Enemy STORM DRAIN is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Gah!! Since when do storm drains beat themselves up like that?
Ally SUPERVILLAIN SHRUGS!
Time to finish it off!
POKé MAN used STOMP!
Critical hit!
Enemy STORM DRAIN fainted!
Weird thing to see... a storm drain fainting like that.
Ally SUPERVILLAIN AGREES!
I guess you could say it's drained its last storm.
Ally SUPERVILLAIN AGREES!
Hey, whaddya say we go grab something to eat?
That battle really worked up an appetite.
Ally SUPERVILLAIN wants to know if you're going to attack him again!
Huh? Oh yeah, sorry about that whole bringing you to justice thing.
Tell you what - you promise to stop robbing banks, and I promise not to kill you.
Ally SUPERVILLAIN AGREES!
DA EVOLUTION MAN: Hey! What's this?
DA EVOLUTION MAN: Looks like some kind of valuable rock!
DA EVOLUTION MAN: I wonder what it was doing in a storm drain...?
Battle #19: Da Evolution Man's Last Stand
August 18, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: Da Evolution Man [Record: 4-2-0] Last Battle: Win vs. James/Jessie (Rare Battle #3)
Okay, Poké Man! Show yourself!
POKé MAN is already standing in front of you!
Oh... well I need to talk to you about something!
POKé MAN wants to know what you're talking about!
You know what I'm talking about! I'm the only "Man" around here!
POKé MAN says he can go wherever he wants!
This Web site ain't big enough for the both of us...
POKé MAN is laughing!
What's so funny?
POKé MAN wants to know what "ain't" means!
It's a contraction, obviously! You're even dumber than you look.
POKé MAN wants to know what two words it's a contraction for!
Uhhh... ain not I guess...
POKé MAN is laughing!
Argh! That's the last straw!
POKé MAN wants to fight!
You don't scare me!
POKé MAN grins!
Huh? What is it...?
SUPERVILLAIN wants to fight!
Two of 'em? It's a pincer attack!
SUPERVILLAIN sent out PINSIR!
...how ironic...
POKé MAN sent out HITMONLEE!
I guess I'll use my Venomoth...
Go! VENOMOTH!
Enemy HITMONLEE used HIT!
VENOMOTH fainted!
Worthless Venomoth...
I could use some HELP HERE!!
Where's that infernal Pikachu when I really need it?
PIKACHU is on VACATION!
Oh yeah... I forgot about Pikachu's Vacation.
Not very good timing, Pikachu...
Now all I have left is this Abra.
Go! ABRA!
Alright, Abra, I know you don't know any attacks but you're my only chance.
Concentrate on the Pinsir, first.
ABRA is CONCENTRATING!
Good. Use your brainpower to defeat it!
ABRA is thinking!
C'mon... c'mon...
Enemy PINSIR used SLASH!
That was close... but Abra's still standing...
ABRA is CONCENTRATING!
C'mon, c'mon...
What? ABRA is evolving!
YES!!
ABRA evolved into KADABRA!
Alright, Kadabra, KILL!!
KADABRA used PSYCHIC!
Enemy PINSIR fainted!
Ha ha!
KADABRA fell asleep!
What? NO!! We've come so far!
Enemy HITMONLEE used HIT!
Critical hit!
KADABRA fainted!
Great... I don't have anything left... except for this weird rock I found...
It's super effective!
Huh? What's happening to Poké Man?
POKé MAN is dying!
Alright! It looks like this rock is the legendary Krypto- ah... that is... Pokénite!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN sent out GUN!
Uh oh...
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN says to put the Pokénite away or he'll shoot!
Put the gun away or else I'll throw the Pokénite at him!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN says to put the Pokénite away or he'll shoot!
Put the gun away or else I'll throw the Pokénite at him!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN says to put the Pokénite away or he'll shoot!
Put the gun away or else I'll throw the Pokénite at him!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN declares a STALEMATE!
Huh?
Game ended in a DRAW!
That's cheap!
KASPAROV says that SUPERVILLAIN was just following the rules!
Huh? What's that Kasparov guy doing here??
KASPAROV doesn't know!
Well, I guess a draw is better than nothing...
BUT I SHALL RETURN, POKé MAN! JUST YOU WAIT!!!
POKé MAN is waiting!
Battle #20: Heroes and Zeroes August 25, 1999
Setting: Game / Reality
Player: James from Team Rocket [Record: 3-3-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Da Evolution Man/Pikachu (Rare Battle #3)
Oww... why'd you have to punch me so hard?
JESSIE says it was for your own good!
Hmph. We would've beaten that lousy Evangelion Man.
JESSIE says his name was Da Evolution Man!
Whatever. Can we just do something evil now?
JESSIE says there's a Poké Mart up ahead!
Great. Let's rob it!
CASHIER: Hi there! May I help you?
Uhh, yeah. I want everything in the store!!
CASHIER: Take your time.
Hello?? Did you hear a word I just said?
I'm taking everything you've got!
CASHIER: Everything? That will be Ą46550000. OK?
NO! It's not OK!
We are here to ROB you!!
CASHIER wants to fight!
I was hoping you'd do that!
Go! KOFFING!
Enemy CASHIER sent out WEEDLE!
Heh heh... this will be easy.
Enemy WEEDLE used KILL!
KOFFING died!
Aaaah!! NOT KOFFING!
I thought Pokémon only fainted...
I SURRENDER!!
JESSIE says you're a chicken!
But... but I don't want any more of my Pokémon to die...
JESSIE says Pokémon are replaceable!
But... but...
...okay, I guess it's up to you, Jigglypuff.
Get'm, JIGGLYPUFF!
Enemy WEEDLE used KILL!
NOOO!!! LOOK OUT, JIGGLER!!
Enemy WEEDLE's attack missed!
Phew... that was close.
Pound that stupid Weedle!
JIGGLYPUFF used POUND!
Enemy WEEDLE fainted!
James wins!
Wow, I won! And in fewer than 40 lines, too!
JIGGLYPUFF gained 15 exp. points!
POKé MAN appeared!
Oh NO!!! It's that new superhero everyone's talking about!
SUPERVILLAIN appeared!
A supervillain! Are you here to help us?
SUPERVILLAIN says he is POKé MAN's ally!
Well that's messed up!
Anyway, I have an ally too!
JESSIE says she's not your ally!
Huh? But we're partners!
JESSIE says she only helps you when it's profitable!
POKé MAN wants to fight!
SUPERVILLAIN wants to fight!
Well, now's a good time to help me!
JESSIE wants to fight!
Good! Jigglypuff's already out, so I'll get the first attack...
POKé MAN sent out HITMONLEE!
SUPERVILLAIN sent out PINSIR!
JESSIE sent out ARBOK!
Jigglypuff, put them to sleep!
JIGGLYPUFF used SING!
Enemy PINSIR fell asleep!
Good job, Jiggly!
JIGGLYPUFF's attack continues!
HITMONLEE fell asleep!
Woohoo! Way to go!
JIGGLYPUFF's attack continues!
Enemy POKé MAN fell asleep!
Wow, that's incredible...
JIGGLYPUFF's attack continues!
Enemy SUPERVILLAIN fell asleep!
YES!!
JIGGLYPUFF's attack continues!
Uhhh... what're you doing, Jigglypuff?
ARBOK fell asleep!
Stop it, Jigglypuff!
JIGGLYPUFF's attack continues!
JESSIE fell asleep!
Aaah! JIGGLYPUFF, RETURN NOW!!!
JIGGLYPUFF's attack continues!
Well, that's the end of me.
JAMES fell asleep!
JIGGLYPUFF's attack continues!
JIGGLYPUFF fell asleep!
...to be continued…
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