8/28/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 1: Digiman's Last

Player: Digiman [3-5-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Peasants
Hello. Now that we’re all done with our interviews, we’ve decided to interview...
SIR_CHARGON appears, tied to CHAIR!
SIR_CHARGON: LET ME GO! NOW!
Shut up!
DIGIMAN used KICK!
SIR_CHARGON: JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET MY... WHERE’S MY POKéMON?!
DIGIMAN held up BELT!
Heh heh. Look fa--
MASTERBALLS suddenly BURST OPEN!
Uh oh.
KAISERYUU appeared!
OSAIRU-SAMA appeared!
NYASEJIKU appeared!
KUBEREI appeared!
DARK UMB... AAAH! IT’S THAT THING AGAIN!
AAAHH!
*AHEM* Uh... GEN-RYUU appea... AAAH!
AAAHH! HOW DOES HE GET THESE THINGS!?
ALL SIX POKéMON want to fight!
Oh lordy.
SIR_CHARGON is laughing MANIACALLY!
KAISERYUU used WHIRLING TIDES!
OSAIRU-SAMA used PSYCHIC!
NYASEJIKU used FURY SWIPES!
KUBEREI used PAY DAY!
D... Let’s not get into that thing...
GEN-RYUU us... Not that either.
This is bad.
Yep!
ALL SIX ATTACKS hit DIGIMAN!
GIANT EXPLOSION occurred!
GRAVELER: MUHH-TROP-LUHS!
How’d HE get... AAAHH!
Player: Sir_Chargon [5-6-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Peasants
SMOKE cleared!
*cough...* Argh... Where’d Digiman go?
DIGIMAN is in SEVERAL PIECES strewn about AREA!
...Eew.
DIGIMAN died!
I can tell that.
Okay.
Hm... What can I use for a superhero now?
Look! In the SKY!
No.
It’s a SQUARE!
...
It’s a CUBE!
...?
It’s... ANGULAR MAN!
...!?
To be continued...

8/29/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 2: Angular Attack

Player: Sir_Chargon [6-6-0] Last Battle: Apparent Win vs. Digiman
ANGULAR MAN appeared!
Yes, I know. You said so last battle.
No, what I said last battle was...
NO! NO!!
Look! In the SKY!
STOP!
It’s a SQUARE!
Argh...
It’s a CUBE!
Leave me alone...
It’s... ANGULAR MAN!
Done now?
Yes.
Thank you.
ANGULAR MAN! Using the powers of geometry...
Huh?
He will right wrongs and triumph over circles!
...Riiiiiight.
AM: And that means YOU!
...I do NOT tolerate Sailor Moon lines here, no matter how augmented. PREPARE TO DIE!
SIR_CHARGON wants to fight!
ANGULAR MAN sent out DODECAHEDRON!
Bah. Just rearrange it to a circle.
SIR_CHARGON used REARRANGE!
DODECAHEDRON was renamed CIRCLE!
ANGULAR MAN is SCARED!
Heh. What a dork.
SIR_CHARGON used THROW!
SIR_CHARGON threw CIRCLE at ANGULAR MAN!
Whee.
ANGULAR MAN screams in TERROR!
He’s dumber than Digiman!
CIRCLE shattered!
!?
ANGULAR MAN triumphed over CIRCLE!
Good for him. But what about this? CREATE!
SIR_CHARGON used CREATE!
SIR_CHARGON CREATEd CIRCULAR MAN!
ANGULAR MAN and CIRCULAR MAN stare each other down!
This should be good.
ANGULAR MAN used SQUARE SHURIKEN!
CIRCULAR MAN used LOOP BINDER!
Hm...
ATTACKS collided and shattered!
Argh.
NARRATOR 5 thinks BATTLE has gone on long enough!
I don’t.
Too bad.
BATTLE ended!
To be continued...
Damn idiot Narrator...

8/30/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 3: Celebrity Derthmatch

Player: Steve Johnson [no record.]
Welcome to CELEBRITY DERTHMATCH!
DERTH: HEY! That’s not funny!
I’m Steve Johnson.
SIR_CHARGON: And I’m Sir_Chargon... Hey, why didn’t I get to be the player?
I dunno.
And I’m NARRATOR 5!
Oh great. Well, despite the loud booming voice that isn’t mine or Chargon’s, we have a GREAT battle in store for you today!
SIR_CHARGON: That’s right, Steve. Today we finish the battle between Angular Man and Circular Man, which the Narrator stopped abruptly yesterday.
NARRATOR 5 didn't want BATTLE to carry on!
Quiet, you.
ANGULAR MAN appeared!
CIRCULAR MAN appeared!
Well, Chargon, why don’t we fill in for viewers that didn’t see yesterday’s Battle?
SIR_CHARGON: Good idea, Steve. Well, it all started when Digiman died...
CROWD goes AWW...
SIR_CHARGON: Then Angular Man appeared from nowhere. He proceeded to be annoying through the Narrator and I created Circular Man.
CROWD cheers!
Allrighty, it looks like the battle is ready to start.
MILLINGTON STREET appeared!
MS: Okay, I want a clean fight. Now, let’s get it on!
Player: Circular Man [no record.]
You’re going DOWN, polygon boy.
AM: I am ANGULAR MAN!
SJ: AAAAHH!
Stop the Sailor Moon lines...
SIR_CHARGON: Yes... Stop the Sailor Moon lines...
AM: I will right wrongs and triumph over circles! And that means YOU!
Ey ref, there a thing about SM lines?
MS: I’ll allow it!
CROWD cheers!
Damn. Well, time to go!
ANGULAR MAN used SQUARE SHURIKEN!
It’s super effective!
SJ: OOH, looks like consulting the referee was a bad move for Circular Man.
Ow... Well, take THIS!
CIRCULAR MAN used LOOP BINDER!
ANGULAR MAN is paralyzed! It may or may not attack, depending on NARRATOR 5’s bias!
SIR_CHARGON: THAT was a new one...
Hah. NOW let’s see you triumph over me!
CIRCULAR MAN used HOOP BASH!
DIEDIEIDEIDIEDIE!!!
SJ: My GOD, that has to be the most violent thing I’ve seen!
SIR_CHARGON: I’ve seen worse.
SJ: You would have.
SIR_CHARGON: You wanna take it outside?
HEY! We already HAVE a battle taking place over here!
ANGULAR MAN used TRIANGLE DRILL!
It looks REALLY painful... And effective to boot.
SIR_CHARGON: COOL!
SJ: Wow... Look at that thing go through Circular Man’s head like that... If Chargon already didn’t say it, I would have said cool myself.
AAH! AAAHH! GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD! IT HURTS! REF, COME ON!!
MS: I’ll allow it!
CROWD cheers!
I GIVE! I GIVE!
SJ: Do we have a ‘surrender’ option here?
SIR_CHARGON: Why do you think we named it DERTHmatch?
DERTH: To make fun of me?
SIR_CHARGON: That too. But in answer to your question, Steve, no surrender.
SJ: This doesn’t look good for Circular Man...
YOU THINK!?
SJ: Uh, how can he still talk if his face is torn in half?
SIR_CHARGON: Get used to it.
ANGULAR MAN used RECTANGLE SWORD!
It’s super effective!
I hate thi... Ugh.
CIRCULAR MAN died!
ANGULAR MAN won!
CROWD cheers!
SJ: Okay, Angular Man has won the first battle. But stay tuned, there’s more tomorrow on Celebrity Derthmatch!

8/31/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 4: Celebrity Derthmatch, Episode 2

Player: Steve Johnson [no record.]
Welcome back, to Celebrity Derthmatch! Today’s battle has been going on for quite some time, dating back AAALLLLL the way to Battle 1.
SIR_CHARGON: ...That just gave away the surprise.
DAMMIT! Oh well. I’m Steve Johnson.
SIR_CHARGON: And I’m Sir_Chargon.
Today’s battle finally ends the rivalry between Grandpa and the Tree, and the old man MAY even get a surprise if he wins!
And I’m NARRATOR 5!
...Uh...
SIR_CHARGON: I thought I got rid of him...
GRANDPA appeared!
TREE appeared!
Well, the battle seems ready. Let’s watch.
MILLINGTON STREET appeared!
MS: Okay, I want a clean fight. Now, let’s get it on!
Player: Tree [5-2-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Digiman
Luke, I am your father.
SJ: What the--!?
SIR_CHARGON: Did you get the RIGHT Tree, Steve?
You talkin’ to me? Are YOU... talkin’ to ME? I don’t see anybody around here, so you MUST be talkin’ to me.
SJ: Uh... Sorry... But hey, a Tree’s a Tree, right?
SIR_CHARGON: You are SO fired after this Battle. Street, anything about authenticity?
MS: I’ll allow it!
CROWD cheers!
EWWW! This must be what evil tastes like!
SIR_CHARGON: O...Kay...
GRANDPA sent out HUGESTICK!
Time to lower the BOOM!
TREE used FALL!
TREE fell out of RING!
Several CROWD MEMBERS fainted!
My van is FAST, sucka!
HUGESTICK used ATTACK!
VIKINGS trampled TREE!
SJ: Something is just... WRONG here!
SIR_CHARGON: And you find this out NOW?
Beetroot!
SJ: Beetroot?
Heeeeeeey, everybody! I just made up a song and I hope you can sing along with me. It’s called ‘I’m a Cucumber’. Here we go... One, two three, four: Iiiiii’m a cucumber! I’m a cucumber...
SIR_CHARGON: Stop this...
SJ is COWERING in ABSOLUTE FEAR!
Now is the time to attack!
TREE used BRANCH TOSS!
The attack missed!
SIR_CHARGON: At least it knows it’s battling...
SJ: Make it stop... Please make it stop... Pretty please?
SIR_CHARGON: Oh, FINE! Narrator, if you will.
ES-CA... FLOW-NAY!
SIR_CHARGON: NOW...
TREE fainted!
GRANDPA won!
SJ: Well, Grandpa wins by default. The surprise? A big stack of JACK SQUAT! A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
SIR_CHARGON: Stay tuned next week for more battles on Celebrity Derthmatch! I’m Sir_Chargon, saying comment on this battle, dammit.

9/1/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 5: Iced Over

Player: Cid [17-9-2] Last Battle: Loss vs. Tenchi
CID is WALKING!
Whee. A Narrator. Enthused am I.
CID is ENTHUSED!
*sigh* What is it?
CID is back in SHADOW G/S!
?!
Yep.
How’d... When’d... Uh?
NARRATOR 5 wanted CID to collect MORE BADGES, so he drug CID back to SHADOW G/S!
Fine. Next badge then, please?
SNOW BADGE!
Okay. Just tele--
MARIGU CITY GYM appeared!
Okay then. Off I go.
CID entered GYM!
Lemme guess... The Polar Bear Club used to own this Gym, right?
Nope!
The POLAR BEAR ASSOCIATION did! There’s a DIFFERENCE!
...Whatever. HEY GYM LEADER!
TIRA appeared!
Fight me, dammit.
That’s no way to talk to a GIRL!
Quiet, you.
TIRA wants to fight!
See? Go, Hitmonlee!
Go! HITMONLEE!
TIRA sent out SHELLDER!
Jump Kick.
HITMONLEE used JUMP KICK!
SHELLDER is too SHORT to be affected!
The attack missed!
DAMN!
SHELLDER used AURORA BEAM!
Critical hit!
HITMONLEE fainted!
I hate this. Go, Misdreavus!
Go! SNEASEL!
Sneasel!?
Uh... I mean... Go! MISDREAVUS!
Better. Misdreavus, Sneak Attack!
SNE, er, MISDREAVUS used SNEAK ATTACK!
SHELLDER fainted!
Hah!
TIRA sent out JYNX!
Gang Beating!
No gang to attack!
...Okay...
CID lost his turn!
This rule again!?
YES!
JYNX used ICE PUNCH!
It’s not very effective...
Hahah! Misdreavus, Sneak Attack.
MISDREAVUS used SNEAK ATTACK!
The attack was MISdirected!
Huh?
CID fainted!
TIRA won!
HEY! That was cheap! And a bad pun too!
No it wasn’t! It was FUN! FUN PUN! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!
...
Bah, you're no fun. BACK TO TURQUOISE!
HEY! What about me collecting badges and stuff!
Changed my mind. Off you go.
CID went through TURQUOISE-COLORED TEMPORAL GATEWAY!