9/22/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 26: Oblivion, Fields of

Player: Salesman Army [2-2-2] Last Battle: Win vs. Boba Fett
SALESMAN ARMY is at FIELDS of OBLIVION!
HELLO SIR!
...
FUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
SHUT UP!
HELLO SIR!
Argh... If it wasn’t for the fact that the Salesman Army was on our side, I’d kill these guys off in a heartbeat...
GO SIR!
SALESMAN ARMY sent out GIGANTIC ROBO-SALESMAN!
MACARONI ARMY is now slightly SCARED!
FUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ATTACK SIR!
GRS: INITIATING PRIME DIRECTIVE: DESTROY JAPAN.
...
SALESMAN ARMY used BLINK!
GRS turned to MACARONI ARMY!
GRS: TARGET ACQUIRED: JAPAN. EXECUTING PRIME DIRECTIVE.
GRS used PRIME DIRECTIVE!
JAPAN was destroyed!
MACARONI ARMY is completely untouched!
...HEY!
MACARONI ARMY used DANCE!
MACARENA started up!
MACARONI ARMY began to DANCE!
ATTACK SIR!
GRS: INITIATING SECONDARY DIRECTIVE: HIDE EASTER EGGS. OOOOOH, I’M THE EASTER BUNNY, I’M OKAY! I DELIVER EGGS ALL DAY!
GRS happily skipped down FIELDS of OBLIVION singing and hiding EASTER EGGS!
...
SALESMAN ARMY doesn’t read enough SLUGGY FREELANCE...
BAH! DIE SIR!
SALESMAN ARMY used BRIEFCASE FWAP!
A few MACARONI SOLDIERS were blammed into TINY SMUDGES on FIELD!
FUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
CABBAGE PATCH KID appeared!
...HELLO SIR!
CABBAGE PATCH KID wants BLOOD!
THOSE THINGS HAVE BLOOD!
SALESMAN ARMY pointed to MACARONI ARMY!
CABBAGE PATCH KID pounced on MACARONI ARMY!
Quite a few MACARONI SOLDIERS were ripped apart into TINY SHREDS!
However, CABBAGE PATCH KID got no BLOOD!
UH... WE HAVE NO BLOOD!
CABBAGE PATCH KID begs to DIFFER!
UH OH.
CABBAGE PATCH KID used LEAP!
AAAAAH!
A couple SALESMEN were ripped apart into TINY SHREDS!
...HERE YOU GO SIR!
SALESMAN ARMY used SELL!
SALESMAN ARMY sold CABBAGE PATCH KID a lot of BLOOD from DEAD SALESMEN!
CABBAGE PATCH KID happily skipped down FIELDS of OBLIVION with BLOOD!
FUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
To be continued...

9/22/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 26: Fire and Ice...cream

Player: Evil Icecream [4-2-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Kitty
EVIL ICECREAM is walking to FIELDS of OBLIVION!
Yeah, so?
GREAT BATTLE between SALESMAN ARMY and MACARONI ARMY is COMMENCING at FIELDS of OBLIVION!
And?
That BATTLE could determine the fate of both SHADOW and RUBY VERSIONS!
Do I care?
EVIL ICECREAM cares!
NO I DON’T!
YES YOU DO!
NO!
YES!
NO!
YES!
NO!!
EVIL ICECREAM is now suddenly hovering over GIANT BONFIRE!
OKAY OKAY! I CARE! BAAAAAAHH!
EVIL ICECREAM is now on GROUND!
Thank you.
...In the middle of BONFIRE!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!! YOU INFERNAL NARRATOR!!
EVIL ICECREAM caught on FIRE!
BAAAH! BAAAAAAAHH! MINIONS, PUT ME OUT!!
FROZEN MINIONS are TOO SCARED of being MELTED or DEFROSTED to get near FIRE!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! MUST I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF!?
Can I test that statement?
NO!
EVIL ICECREAM jumped in LAKE!
LAKE caught on FIRE!
BAAAAAAHH! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PLACE!?
RUBY VERSION’s PRIDE greatly fell!
DO I LOOK LIKE I REALLY CARE ABOUT RUBY VERSION RIGHT NOW!? I’M ON FIRE!!
Correction: LAKE is on FIRE!
Argh!! Really Pissed Pineapple Pizza! GET ME OUT!!
RPPP obeys without question!
RPPP caught on FIRE!
RPPP defrosted!
BAAAHH!
RPPP was BAKED to PERFECTION!
BELL is heard!
...?
HUNGRY PEOPLE appeared and instantly devoured RPPP!
BAAAAAAAAH!! SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF THIS INFERNAL HOLE!
FROZEN MINIONS ran away in FEAR!
BAH! BAH BAH BAH BAH BAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
EVIL ICECREAM is CHOKING to death on WATER!
EVIL IECREAM can't BREATHE!
I AM A TUB OF ICECREAM, YOU IDIOTIC NARRATOR! I NEED NOT BREATHE TO SUSTAIN MY LIFE!
Okay then.
EVIL ICECREAM is MELTING!
...Damn. Got me there.
To be continued...

9/23/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 27: Celebrity Derthmatch, Episode 4

Player: Jon Steveson [no record.]
Welcome back to CELEBRITY DERTHMATCH! I’m Jon Steveson.
WELSH STOOERT: And I’m Welsh Stooert, from the TV show 25th Version from the Almighty Webmaster, filling in for Sir_Chargon.
NARRATOR 8 is here!
We know.
WS: This looks like it should be a good battle today, Jon.
That’s right Welsh. Today we feature the return of one of Shadow Version’s most acclaimed characters to do battle with our OWN REFEREE.
WS: ...That’s not today’s.
Uh oh. Uh...
JS used FLIP FLIP FLIP!
JS found TODAY’s MATCHUP CARD!
AHA! Here it is: Today’s battle is yet again interversional. Here come the challengers now. For Shadow Version:
DERTH appeared!
And for, uh... Whatever we matched against it:
BILL GATES appeared!
WS: A zombie? Or is that the real Bill Gates?
How can you tell?
WS: Good point. Here comes the referee.
MILLINGTON STREET appeared!
MS: Okay, I want a good clean fight. Now, let’s get it on!
Player: Bill Gates [no record.]
Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhh...
DERTH: I WILL NOT DIGNIFY THIS BATTLE WITH AN ACTION! NOT UNTIL THIS PLACE CHANGES ITS NAME!
Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhh...
WS: We seem to have a standoff... Derth won’t do a thing, and the zombie simply stands there like... a zombie.
MS: HEY! Get over there and fight each other!
Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhh...
DERTH: Hmph!
JS: Maybe if you give it a command?
MS: Couldn’t hurt to try. HEY! YOU! ZOMBIE!
Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhh?
MS: Go kick his ass!
MS pointed to DERTH!
UUUUUUUUUUUHHHH!
DERTH: Huh?
BILL GATES used CHOMP!
BILL GATES ate DERTH’s BRAIN!
However, DERTH has no BRAIN to be EATEN!
DERTH: Hahaha... HEY!!
UUUUUUUUUUUHHHH!!
BILL GATES’ attack continues!
WS: Huh?
BILL GATES ate CROWD’s BRAINS!
CROWD goes UUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH...
UUUUUUUUUUUHHHH...
MS: I won’t allow this. Get back in the ring!
WS and JS: RUN, YOU STUPID IDIOT!!
WS and JS ran away!
MS ran away as well!
UUUUUUUUUUUHHHH...
DERTH won, apparently!
UUUUUUUUUUUHHHH!!
Shut up!

9/24/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 28: Revenge of the Icecream

Player: Evil Icecream [4-2-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Kitty
EVIL ICECREAM is MELTING!
I KNOW! You told me two days ago!
NARRATOR 8 thinks EVIL ICECREAM should be DEAD by now...
Well I DON’T!!
NARRATOR 8 wants to know why EVIL ICECREAM isn’t MELTED and DEAD yet!
Because I have a flame-resistant container. So nyahaha.
DAMMIT! Hey wait...
I’m stuck inside the container.
DAMMIT! Hey wait...
NOW what?
Why don’t you just walk out if you have a flame-retardant container?
...DAMMIT! Thought never occurred to me. Plus you wouldn’t let me.
Oh. Well then.
EVIL ICECREAM walked out of LAKE!
Better.
...While still on fire!
You have the memory of a goldfish, don’t you?
Uh...
NARRATOR looked through BATTLE SCRIPT...
BAH...
EVIL ICECREAM is no longer on FIRE!
Good for me. MINIONS! GET OVER HERE!!
HUNGRY PEOPLE ate MINIONS!
BAAAAAAHHH!! WHERE ARE THOSE LECHEROUS BUMS THEN!?
HUNGRY PEOPLE appeared!
DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
EVIL ICECREAM used DIE!
GEORGE BUSH, SR. died!
...Hey, cool. But THAT WASN’T WHAT I WANTED TO HIT... RIGHT NOW! YOU GUYS!
EVIL ICECREAM pointed to HUNGRY PEOPLE!
DIE!!
EVIL ICECREAM used DIE!
HUNGRY PERSON #15 died!
Good! One less person to kill now. DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!
EVIL ICECREAM used DIE five times!
HUNGRY PEOPLE #1-5 died!
Now YOU guys, all of you--
HUNGRY PEOPLE ran away!
--Bah...
EVIL ICECREAM won!

9/25/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 29: The Update (Random Filler Battle 4)

Player: Neon [no record.]
COMPUTER: Neon...
*SNORE*
COMPUTER: Wake up Neon...
*SNORE*
COMPUTER: Argh... HEY NEON! WAKEUP, DAMMIT!
*SNORE*
COMPUTER: ...Narrator?
ALARM CLOCK used ALARM!
ALARM: HEY! WAKE THE %@#^ UP!!
*SNAP* YAAAHH! WHAT THE--!?
It woke up!
NOW what...
COMPUTER: Neon...
Uh... Yes?
COMPUTER: The Update has you, Neon.
...
NEON used CONFUSED LOOK!
NEON is confused!
Uh huh.
It hurt itself in its confusion!
OWWW! Hey, cool. I busted up my alarm clock.
ALARM: $@%#!! WHY THE HELL DID YOU GO AND KILL ME!? YOU STUPID IDIOT!
ALARM CLOCK died!
...
SHADOW VERSION’s RSACi language level rose!
And now, back to the computer...
Uh...
COMPUTER: The Update has you, Neon.
You told me that.
COMPUTER: Follow the Black Rabite, Neon.
...Huh?
COMPUTER: Argh... CAN YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
Uh...
COMPUTER: Oy. YOU NEON. UPDATE HAS NEON. NEON NEED FOLLOW BLACK RABITE. THEN NEON FREE FROM UPDATE.
... *blink blink*
COMPUTER: Narrator, if you please.
NEON is confused!
Oh no... Not this again...
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Or rather, fell out the window. Heh heh heh...
AAAAAAAHH!
NEON woke up!
Huh!? What the--!?
COMPUTER: The Update has you, Neon.
DAMMIT! What is this!?
A Filler Battle.
...?
NEON is confused!
NOOOOOOOOO!!
NEON ran away!
NARRATOR 8 won!

9/26/2K: 02 WARRIOR BATTLE 30: Insanity (again) (Random Filler Battle 5)

Player: Sir_Chargon [7-7-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Steward Ribson
SIR_CHARGON appeared!
What is it?
YOU are out of IDEAS for BATTLES!
Yep. Filler Battle 5 time...
NARRATOR 8 thinks it’s rather UNHEALTHY to use 2 FILLER BATTLES in a ROW...
And people think it’s unhealthy to smoke, yet you can’t stop the smokers.
Point taken.
So now what?
Wait for 20 lines.
Oh. Okay then.
Wait wait wait...
Wait...
Wait...
Wait...
Wait...
Wait...
NARRATOR 8 can’t stand WAITING for 20 LINES!
Huh?
NARRATOR 8 went INSANE!
WHEEEEEEEEGOOBLEGOBBLEYBLEEEEEEEEEEEF...
Great...
I LIKE BEEF.
I’d like you to get away from me.
OOOOOOKEY DOKEY.
NARELAYDORR AYTE wendd OUSTIDE!
...
HEHEHEHEEE...
Okay... That’s it. GET OUT OF HERE!!
SURR_JARGIN yoosd FYRE!
NERRATOR EIIT levt!
THANK you...
NARRATOR 9 took over!
Ooo, good response time.
NARRATOR 9 has good RESPONSE TIME!
Yes... Now, end the battle.
NARRATOR 9 used END!
FROST VERSION WEBMASTER appeared!
NOT END THE PERSON, END THE BATTLE! CEASE IT! STOP THE BATTLE!
Oooooooh.
FVW disappeared!
NARRATOR 9 used END!
BATTLE ended!