Current Narrator in Power: Steve (Battles 36- Present)
8/31/02 - Viridian Version was number one on the Network! YES! YES! BOO-YA-KA! ... Um, new battle up, by the way.
8/12/02 - Viridian #42 is UP! No, really! Booya.
Date: May 19th, 2002
Location: Clive HQ
Player: Cool Trainer Myron [2-3-0]
...
... What the heck's going on?
Shh. Dramatic pause in progress.
A THREE-MONTH DRAMATIC PAUSE?
Well, it's a very good one.
Well, it's OVER now! The FINAL BATTLE is beginning, whether you like it or not!
... Final battle? Somehow I doubt that...
SHUT UP AND FIGHT!
AZUSA wants to fight!
VLMONSTER wants to fight!
GENERIC HERO wants to fight!
JOE BLOW wants to fight!
DR. NEO wants to fight!
Ally DOOMFRUIT wants to fight!
Ally SMOOTH EDDIE wants to fight!
Ally SEIFER wants to fight!
Since when was Seifer here?
SEIFER: I've been here the whole time, nerd-boy.
At least I'm not a pathetic loser who thinks he's the Sorceress' Sailor Moon Knight Princess.
Seifer: ... Quiet, you.
Hey, speaking of evil mega-powerful women, where's Kerrigan? Or the Zerg for that matter?
Thank you, MYRON, for the cut-scene opportunity!
... Oh, no...
Location: Near a Fortress
Player: Kerrigan [4-2-1]
So, this is where that bastard who took control of the Zerg when I was stuck in that hideous little girl form.....
.... I guess it is. Is STEVE in for a LONG SPEECH?
Damn right, you are. *Ahem...*
I have overcome everyone to get to the top. That loser ex-Narrator, the stupid Mad Scientist, the blasted peice of fruit, the horrible puff ball spin-off, a FREAKING POKE BALL, and some loud angry moron who is currently owned by the Poke Ball. So when I... take a hiatus, who comes out, steals my army, and tries to make a name for himself?
.... Well?
No, really, who?
Let's answer that question!
Location: The Fortress
Player: Mysterious Figure [1-0-0]
Feh! So, Kerrigan is back. What do I care? She's an arrogant bitch who thinks that because she beat the loser villains here she stands a chance against me!
Enough of the stupid MYSTERIOUS stuff. What the heck is your NAME?
I am the Grim Reaper personified, I am death incarnate, I am the true owner of the Zerg, I AM... LORENZE JIGOKU!
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE was re-named LORENZE!
.... The "Grim Reaper personified" is a 22-year old PRETTYBOY?
Of course.
ASSISTANT #259: Sir, we only have control of half of the Zerg! Kerrigan has the other half, and she's advancing on our position!
Let her come. She doesn't stand a fraction of a chance. Heh heh heh...
Location: Clive HQ
Player: Cool Trainer Myron [2-3-0]
All right, it's go time! Forget the Zerg, THIS is where the action is at!
MYRON is right!
Damn right I am! So let's get this concluding battle started!
CONCLUDING BATTLE is about to START!
... But STEVE isn't going to NARRATE it right now!
.... Great, I'm not psyched up anymore.
>> Read. Review. Here.
Battles 1-5
Date: August 12th, 2002
Location: Mini-Universe
Player: Clive [1-0-0]
CLIVE turns the RAZOR LEAF into a pile of ASH!
ASH sends his POKEMON at CLIVE!
Huh? What the hell? Have you guys been fighting for...
Half a year? Yup.
GARY OAK sends his POKEMON out to cancel out ASH!
... Who's winning?
... Nobody. LARRY and CLIVE are still reversing the first attack to use it against EACH OTHER!
... Oi.
OAK: GARY! Now is not the time to use that!
PROFESSOR OAK is MANGLED and KILLED!
GARY is now free to USE THAT!
GARY used THAT!
THAT is a SPOON!
SPOON has no effect on ASH!
... How long is this BATTLE gonna take?
Eh, maybe a couple years. Who knows? Maybe one of us will get lucky.
What? SPOON is evolving!
SPOON evolved into SPORK!
GARY used SPORK on ASH!
It's super-effective!
Oh, now THAT is just stupid.
ASH is equipped with a.... uh... FPOON!
SPORK and FPOON cancel eachother out!
Wait, and the SPORK was stupid? There's no such thing as a FPOON!
There is NOW!
Oh, screw this! I've LIKED being in power the past few months, and you know what? I'm keeping it!
Wait, WHAT?
You heard me! STEVE is now the NARRATOR IN CHARGE! Have fun in your little universe, losers!
STEVE seals the PORTAL to VIRIDIAN while ESCAPING!
STEVE is GONE!
...
.. Well, this SUCKS.
Location: Clive HQ
Player: Grapefruit of Doom [5-1-0]
Oh, is THIS fight still going on, too?
Unfortunately, yes. Most of the guys are out, but Azusa and that damn Monster are still up, and I think Dr. Neo's hiding somewhere. Oh, and the swordsman.
Well, PLAY-TIME is OVER! CLIVE and LARRY AREN'T coming back, and it's time for some change around here!
STEVE destroys CLIVE HQ and REPLACES it with STEVE HQ!
ROBOT GUARDS: In-tru-der ALERT! In-tru-der ALERT!
What the HELL?
DR. NEO: It would appear that the substitute Narrator's the evil despot leader as of now.
I KNEW I hadn't defeated you yet!
DR. NEO: ... Oh, damn.
AZUSA: ... What're we gonna do?
STEVE would suggest RUNNING!
DR. NEO: Good idea!
DR. NEO, AZUSA, and VLMONSTER ran away!
... Join them, DOOMFRUIT!
Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me. ANOTHER new main villain? I'm sick of this! YOU'RE DEAD, NARRATOR!
Doomfruit wants to FIGHT?
TSUKINORI: Yes, and so do I!
... YOU? Why?
TSUKINORI: Because it was YOU who almost killed me by throwing me into this war, and I SHALL have revenge!
... Oh, god, do I have to team with HIM? ... Very well, then. Prepare to die, Narrator filth!
Heh heh... bring it ON....
>> Review here!
Date: August 21st, 2002
Location: Steve HQ
Player: The Evil Pesticide-Laiden Grapefruit of Doom [5-1-0]
Do you REALLY want to do this?
STEVE will make RUBY RED JUICE out of DOOMFRUIT!
What, are you giving me a last chance? Fool.
Why is DOOMFRUIT so cocky?
I'm an unstoppable powerhouse. You're a Narrator. It's that simple.
Oh? Here's a sample of STEVE's power!
CHUCK NORRIS appeared!
NORRIS: This CAN'T be good.
CHUCK NORRIS is impaled by twenty SWORDS!
CHUCK NORRIS explodes for no apparent reason!
That's child's play, Narrator! Watch THIS!
CHUCK NORRIS appeared AGAIN!
NORRIS: You know, being seemingly immortal is nice, but if THIS is the cost...
DOOMFRUIT used HACK!
DOOMFRUIT HACKs into CHUCK NORRIS' --
NO! No puns!
... uh, STEVE was going to say TORSO.
... Oh. Sorry.
CHUCK NORRIS' VITAL ORGANS spill out!
CHUCK NORRIS died! AGAIN!
The way I see it, YOU should be fearing ME.
Not while STEVE has a MASSIVE army of ROBOTS!
... Okay, forgot about those. Samurai idiot!
TSUKINORI: ... *Sigh* Yes?
Handle those robots.
TSUKINORI: ALL of them?
Yes, all of them.
TSUKINORI: All right...
Ally TSUKINORI used FLYING DEATH CRY OF THE INSANE SNAKE ATTACK!
FLYING SNAKE uh... CRIED DEATH.. ATTACKing... Oh, GOD, there is NO pun that can WORK here!
Enemy ROBOTS were destroyed!
Heh heh heh... Now what are you going to do?
STEVE creates more ROBOTS!
Damn. Oh, well, just hold them off, swordsman! Now, Steve, it's TIME.
TIME?
Yes. TIME.
TIME for what? TELLETUBIES?
... What the HELL are you talking about?
DOOMFRUIT is confused!
It hurt itself in it's confusion!
Oh, that's IT!
IT: ... Huh?
IT is dismembered!
IT fainted!
What? DOOMFRUIT is evolving!
DOOMFRUIT evolved into... a SOCK!
Screw you! That might work on others, but do you realize what I am?
A... JIGGLYPUFF of DOOM rip-off?
... Uh, yeah, sort of.... And that means I'm above your puny Narrator rules! You can turn Kerrigan into whatever you want, but not me!
Oh, STEVE WILL find a way to beat you!
.. Wait! TRANSFORMATIONS and actual DAMAGE are out of the question, but just getting rid of DOOMFRUIT isn't!
...
HA! Have fun in your new home, GRAPEFRUIT! You too, TANPEN, you're too much of a liability.
You cowardly little --
Location: Liberty City, USA
DOOMFRUIT and TSUKINORI appear in the middle of a GANG WAR!
GANG MEMBER #1: Yo, what the **** is that?
GANG MEMBER #2: Aww, who ****ing cares, let's kill it!
... Well, as long as I'm here... PREPARE TO DIE, HUMAN SCUM!
TSUKINORI: Hey, I'M a human!
Shut up, Samurai Idiot.
Date: August 31, 2002
Location: Steve HQ
Player: Jim [0-2-0]
Well, two of the most dangerous enemies are gone.
What should STEVE do next?
Hello?
There are many VILLAINS... Maybe STEVE should take them out!
Hel-LO?
No, they're child's play. Except maybe KERRIGAN and that other rich guy.
Dude, you're sorta talking to yourself.
STEVE should take out the people who could be the next HERO!
Like me?
Yes, that's it! Who to get first?
HEY! Plucky hero right here!
Ah, I know!
STEVE focuses on NEXT TARGET!
... He completely ignored me.
CHUCK NORRIS' HEAD: I'd be grateful for THAT...
Location: Tokyo
Player: Tatewaki Kuno [6-3-1]
... Why are we even here again?
KODACHI: You're the one who started this quest, brother dear! You should know!
MR. INSANE: My insane-sense is telling me that it had something to do with... STRATEGO! Does that ring a bell?
... Oh, right. The Stratego set.
Well, guess what, POSSIBLE HERO #1? You'll never get that STRATEGO SET, because STEVE is taking YOU out!
How, exactly, am I supposed to fight a Narrator?
There is no way!
... What?
Come on, try something!
.... But you don't even have a solid form! This is madness!
Oh, KUNO doesn't want to PLAY?
Well, I suppose if it's going to be at the arcade I wouldn't mind.
... WHAT?
Oh.... I see, metaphor for fighting.
... Uh, YES, that's what the PLAY thing was about.
You know what? STEVE has wasted too much time on KUNO!
GIANT TREE fell on KUNO!
Curse you, evil... red-text... thing!
KUNO fainted and then was promptly transported to MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON!
Next victim!
Location: Toy Store
Player: Azusa Shiratori [3-2-1]
.... Uh-oh. Evil narrator guy's here.
Yep.
VLMONSTER: Azusa, my sweet! I'll save you!
... Uh, VLMONSTER really doesn't qualify as a POSSIBLE HERO to STEVE, but... fine.
STEVE used PLUSHIFY!
... You turned him into a plushie?
Damn right.
... YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Thank you so much! Now he's a kawaii little plushie and he won't be annoying me anymore! ^_^
STEVE isn't DONE yet...
STEVE used PLUSHIFY once more!
... o_o
Yep, PLUSHIES don't talk, AZUSA.
STEVE place AZUSA and VLMONSTER on the SHELF!
SMALL GIRL: Oh wow, that plushie of a skater is so CUUUUUUUTE! I'm gonna name you Dawn-Marie!
.... O_O
That's just TOO ironic.
Next victim!
Location: Outskirts of Steve HQ
Player: Cool Trainer Myron [2-3-0]
I can't believe MYRON is considered HERO MATERIAL!
Well, seeing as I'm apparently the only actual Pokemon trainer...
Tell you what; you come along peacefully and STEVE will give you a prison cell with a water fountain and a new pack of gum every day.
.... What kind of gum are we talking about here?
BUBBLICIOUS!
Deal! I just can't resist that wonderful Bubblicious taste!
MYRON gives a THUMBS UP to the CAMERA that's RECORDING this confrontation for a COMMERCIAL!
Phase #3 of TOTAL RULE completed!
>> Review here.
Date: September 5th, 2002
Location: Steve HQ
Player: Jim [0-2-0]
Well, there, that does it for the HEROES that could stop me...
.... I give up. Fine, I'm NOT a plucky hero, I guess.
Now for the VILLAINS!
Er... uh... I'm a plucky VILLAIN! Um, yeah, that's it!
... A PLUCKY VILLAIN?
Yep!
You REALLY, REALLY suck, JIM.
... At least you noticed me.
All right, STEVE will start with you...
CHUCK NORRIS' HEAD levitates!
NORRIS: What the heck does it take to kill me?
That's what STEVE wants to know...
... Huh? Wait, really? You're gonna -- Uh oh.
STEVE used THROW!
CHUCK NORRIS' HEAD is thrown at an ALARMINGLY FAST SPEED at JIM!
Critical hit!
JIM fainted!
Location: Secret Shack of Doom
Player: Dr. Neo [3-2-0]
In my Doom-Shack, I am utterly invincible! ... Hmm... I wonder if I could get the B-52's to write a song about this place... "Doom-Shack, that's where it's at!" Cool!
That is without a doubt the WORST evil monologue STEVE has ever heard!
Well, I could always re-write it and... OH! It's you, narrator! I'm so glad you dropped by, but you won't be getting rid of me so easily!
Yeah, right. What does DR. NEO have that's so great?
I have.... a NARRATION DISRUPTER!
A WHAT?
A narration disrupter. This baby will completely nullify anything you try to do to me! Any questions?
Er, YES... WHERE is it?
... Huh? It's right... oh, no.
Looks like SOMEBODY stole DR. NEO's little toy!
I'll be going now...
STEVE locks DOOM-SHACK with many elaborate CODES!
Well, thank god I have internet access! I can just go find a cheat page and...
STEVE changes DR. NEO's connection speed to 14.4K!
.... NOOOO!
Well, STEVE's sure NEO will get to that site sometime within the next YEAR!
Next VICTIM!
Location: Viridian Forest
Player: Pokeball [1-5-1]
... Why the heck am I still here?
STEVE is guessing it's because of the WEBMASTER's complete lack of INTEREST for POKEBALL!
Ouch, that would hurt if I could physically feel pain...
What, POKEBALL can't?
Let's test that...
STEVE dropped a PIANO on POKEBALL!
... Ow.
A-HA! POKEBALL was LYING!
STEVE materializes a GOLF CLUB!
... This is going to really suck...
FORE!
GOLF CLUB hit POKEBALL!
POKEBALL flew into a SAND TRAP!
This is a forest, not a golf course, you maniac!
SAND TRAP was re-named to QUICKSAND TRAP!
... Well, this sucks.
STEVE will leave POKEBALL to be SWALLOWED UP!
NEXT VICTIM!
Location: A Long and Winding Road
Player: Cliched Doompuff [0-4-0]
Come on, Narrator, do your worst!
...
BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
No WAY! STEVE will NOT waste his time with you!
... Okay, cool.
CLICHED DOOMPUFF ran away!
... Hey, wait.... Damn. Tricked by CLICHE of all people! STEVE will get him later...
Location: Near Lorenze's Fortress
Player: Kerrigan [4-2-1]
I knew you would come here. I've had Overlords monitoring your progress for quite some time now. Very impressive. But, you see, I will not be defeated. See, I'm on the level of untouchability only attained previously by Zarbon and the Grapefruit of Doom. And if you try to send me somewhere else like you did to Doomfruit and that swordsman guy, I can just get an Overlord to transport me back. You can't win.
DR. NEO should be taking NOTES on how to do a PROPER monologue from THIS!
He really should, but he's trapped in an outhouse, so...
Hey, wait, didn't CLIVE turn you into a POWERPUFF GIRL?
... NEVER, EVER REMIND ME OF THAT AGAIN!
That means STEVE can simply ALTER what KERRIGAN is!
Hmm... STEVE will be nice and turn KERRIGAN back into a HUMAN!
You're going to WHAT?
KERRIGAN's weird SKELETAL WING THINGIES vanish!
KERRIGAN's HAIR-TENTACLE... things are turned into regular HAIR!
KERRIGAN's CARAPEICE is turned into regular CLOTHING!
KERRIGAN has evolved into a HUMAN!
... A human surrounded by Zerg she has no control over.
Yeah.
.... Okay, I'm out of here.
KERRIGAN ran away!
Next VICTIM!
Location: Lorenze's Fortress
Player: Lorenze [1-0-0]
So, it's all come to this.
LORENZE, you're all that's left of what was one a VERSION teeming with VILLAINS poised to take over the MAIN VILLAIN position!
Where IS he?
STEVE is right here!
Not YOU, fool! I meant...
HENCHMAN #23 appeared!
#23: I got it, boss! Want me to turn it on?
Yeah, please do. Turn on.... the NARRATION DISRUPTER!
WHAT?
#23: There, it's done!
... You mean...
As long as this thing's in my fortress, I'm untouchable.
Bastard.
STEVE is out of here!
Battle ended!
If you actually paid attention to this, you can review it here.