7/24/2K: WARRIOR BATTLE 66: A New Plan of Destruction... Or Maybe Not.

Player: Mysterious Figure B [no record.]
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE B is PLOTING EVIL THINGS!
Buweheheheheh... What the--!? Who let the Narrator in here?
NARRATOR 2 comes and goes at WILL!
...Whatever. But with my powers and my army of Salesmen, I SHALL RULE... SHADOW G/S! Then I move on to the rest of the PokéBattles universe.
You know, you aren’t supposed to be saying that in front of a loudmouthed voice...
Oh well. Nobody knows about my secret base anyway.
You mean the one in the Highland Mountain Range?
QUIET!! You’re ruining the effect!
SALESMAN GENERAL appeared!
What is it?
SG: Hello sir!
SHUT UP AND TALK NORMALLY!
SG: That’s possible?
Just speak...
SG: Well, it’s about the Army. They keep trying to sell each other things.
Well, just tell them to stop selling things.
SG: We can’t sir. And... I... Can’t... Hello sir!
AAH! NOT NOW!
SG: Do you tire of...
STOP IT! STOP!!
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE B wants to fight!
SG: ...having incompetent...
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE B used TORNADO!
SG was flung into SKY!
Aaah... That's better.
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE B’s attack continues!
Huh? Uh... Uh-oh.
TORNADO is DESTOYING SECRET BASE!
STOP SAYING THAT!!
SG landed on MYSTERIOUS FIGURE!
SG: Hello sir!
Shut up.
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE B’s attack continues!
AAH! IT’S HEADED RIGHT FOR US! RUN AWAY!
SG: Do you wish you could teleport to safety in times of danger?
...Yes, and this is one of them times!
...One of them times?
SG: Then get this handy-dandy TELEPORTER!
GIMME THAT!
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE B used TELEPORTER!
Get us outta here...
TELEPORTER exploded!
Critical hit!
...What the hell?
SG: I am not held respon...
SG fainted!
Good idea. Bye now.
MYSTERIOUS FIGURE B fainted!
TORNADO went on a RAMPAGE!
This is bent...

7/25/2K: WARRIOR BATTLE 67: The Badguys Resort and Diner

Player: Kefka [no record.]
Uweheeheehee... I have the perfect plan for world domination!
SEPHIROTH: Lemme guess... You throw the world into total chaos and build a fortress everyone can see so they can worship you or you kill them?
DAMMIT! WHY ARE ALL THE GOOD PLANS ALWAYS SO PREDICTABLE!?
KEFKA is an IDIOT!
...Who the hell are you?
SHUZER: Well, you DO have to consider that you were created about 5 years after console RPGs were made.
DRAGONLORD: Yeah, at that time it was simply ‘kidnap the princess and utterly obliterate the hero’. Now it’s so complex... Stuff like ‘kidnap the princess, utterly obliterate the hero, then make everyone your slave or obliterate the world’.
You really like using the word obliterate, don’t you?
DRAGONLORD: I AM NOT DRUNK!
...Whatever. That plan sounds so good though. I’m gonna do it!
SEIFER: Go ahead. Someone’s gonna take you out anyway.
DID I ASK FOR YOUR WIT!?
SIEFER was not ASKED for WIT!
Who IS that? Al Gore?
EVERYONE: AAH!!
EVERYONE ran away!
...Okay.
SIEFER remains!
I thought everyone ran away. Oh well.
SEIFER wants to fight!
Okay Cross-boy, you asked for it!
SEIFER sent out HYPERION!
...Cool sword. How’d you do that anyway?
HYPERION used SLASH!
Critical hit!
HYPERION fired its GUN during SLASH!
Yet another Critical hit!
OW! Why you little brat! Soldiers, ATTACK!
Go! SOLDIERS!
Beat that guy senseless!
SOLDIERS used STANDARD POLICE TACTICS!
...
SOLDIERS look INTIMIDATING and VIOLENT!
HYPERION ran away!
That works quite well.
SEIFER sent out SEIFER!
Okay Cross-boy, you’re mine!
Enough! SOLDIERS!
The enemy’s got a more successful game than you! Go, KEFKA!
QUIET, AL!
I AM NOT AL GORE!!
KEFKA fainted for no apparent reason at all!
What the--? HEY!!
NARRATOR 2 put TAPE over KEFKA’s MOUTH!
MMPHUMIMUM!
SEIFER won!

7/26/2K: WARRIOR BATTLE 68: The Fossil Fight

Player: Cid [14-7-1] Last Battle: Win vs. Gogo
CID is back at MASIRAKA GYM!
YO! GYM LEADER!
RED appeared!
Let’s get it on.
RED doesn’t want to fight!
...Why?
RED pointed to SIGN!
‘Closed Sundays and Holidays’. This isn’t Sunday. And this isn’t a holiday.
RED pointed to OTHER SIGN!
‘Also closed 9 PM-3 AM’. It’s 7.
RED pointed to YET ANOTHER--
JUST FIGHT ME YOU LAZY IDIOT!
RED wants to fight!
There. Go, MagnaAngemon!
Go! MAGNAANGEMON!
RED sent out SANDSLASH!
MagnaAngemon, Gate of Destiny attack!
MAGNAANGEMON used GATE OF DESTINY!
Several hundred GATES fell on SANDSLASH!
Will these puns ever stop?
NO!
SANDSLASH used HYPER BEAM!
Critical hit!
MAGNAANGEMON is in critical condition!
Well, then return.
Enough! MAGNAANGEMON!
Go, MetalGarurumon!
The enemy’s weak right now! Go, METALGARURUMON!
SANDSLASH needs to recharge!
Now! Ice Wolfclaw!
METALGARURUMON used ICE WOLFCLAW!
GYM became TRAPPED in ICE!
I meant at Sandslash.
RED is ANGRY!
Why? Just turn on a heater and BAM! You’re in business again.
SANDSLASH fainted!
...Oh, that’s why. Do I still get my badge?
NO!
RED sent out ONIX!
Fine, whatever. Ice Wolfclaw, MetalGarurumon.
METALGARURUMON used ICE WOLFCLAW!
It’s super effective!
Critical hit!
There. NOW do I--
ONIX used EXPLOSION!
Damn.
It’s not very effective...
ONIX fainted!
CID won!
Hah. Gimme my badge.
RED gave CID the FOSSIL BADGE!
RED kicked CID out of GYM!
Hmph. Grumpy freak.
RED kept METALGARURUMON!
What the--?! HEY!

7/27/2K: WARRIOR BATTLE 69: Koffee Koffee Java Java Sephy Deadboy (Lavender Version Crossover)

Player: Sephiroth [no record.]
SEPHIROTH is drinking COFFEE!
Yeah, so?
LAVENDER VERSION KOFFING appeared!
‘Koffing’?
Uh... Never mind.
LAVENDER VERSION KOFFING was renamed LVKOFFING!
This is messed up...
LVKOFFING wants JAVA!
Get your own damn java.
LVKOFFING: JAVA JAVA KOFFEE KOFFEE!
...What the hell is this thing? And how did it get here?
NARRATOR 2 doesn’t know!
WEBMASTER thought it was FUNNY!
Okay...
LVKOFFING: KOFFEE KOFFEE JAVA JAVA!
THERE’S COFFEE OVER THERE!
SEPHIROTH used YELL!
LVKOFFING is ANGRY!
LVKOFFING wants to fight!
This isn’t my day... First I get beat up by some thumbtack-haired freak, my meteor explodes, and now I'm being attacked by this 'Elvee Koffing' thing.
LVKOFFING sent out LVKOFFING!
...What do I do?
Send out a POKéMON!
...?
LVKOFFING used TACKLE TACKLE!
Hit 2 times!
OW! What the--!? Since when could a floating purple sea mine attack things?
Since they could talk.
Huh?
SEPHIROTH is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
Pain... So much pain...
LVKOFFING used TACKLE TACKLE JAVA JAVA!
Hit 2 times!
2 GIANT BAGS of COFFEE BEANS fell on SEPHIROTH!
Ouch...
SEPHIROTH fainted!
LVKOFFING won!
LVKOFFING left with COFFEE BEANS!

7/28/2K: WARRIOR BATTLE 70: Dreadful Desert?

Player: Cid [15-7-1] Last Battle: Win vs. Red
CID is at DEKASE DESERT!
A big forest, a mountain range, a plateau, a plains, a desert, and a volcano all on continent about the size of Texas...
How do you know about Texas?
I don’t know. Just came to mind. What is a ‘Texas’, anyway?
...
Oh well. Let’s just hurry this up and--
Wild MISDREAVUS appeared!
That was fast. Go, Hitmonlee!
Go! HITMONLEE!
MISDREAVOUS used SLASH!
Critical hit!
Hitmonlee, Jump Kick!
HITMONLEE used JUMP KICK!
HITMONLEE jumped TOO HIGH!
Huh?
HITMONLEE kicked AIRLINER!
...I suppose this is bad?
YES!
AIRLINER kept going and crashed!
‘Kept going and crashed’? I thought it would simply fall.
...You’re right.
AIRLINER crashed!
SCREAMS are HEARD!
HUNDREDS of PEOPLE died!
AIRLINER used EXPLOSION!
AIRLINER fainted!
...Took a while. And how can airplanes faint?
NARRATOR 2 doesn’t know!
WEBMASTER thought it was FUNNY!
The Webmaster has a sick mind.
MISDREAVUS used SNEAK ATTACK!
HITMONLEE fainted!
Huh? AAH! I forgot! Go MagnaAngemon!
The enemy’s strong! Go, MAGNAANGEMON!
MISDREAVUS used LEER!
MISDREAVUS looks MEAN!
...That was a new one. Mag--
Enough! MAGNAANGEMON!
Coward. Go me I guess.
Go! CID!
MISDREAVUS used GROWL!
MISDREAVUS looks even MEANER!
Who cares? HyperBall, GO!
CID threw HYPERBALL!
MISDREAVUS threw it back!
Tennis huh? Throw it back!
CID threw it back!
MISDREAVUS threw it back!
CID threw it back!
MISDREAVUS threw it back!
CID threw it back!
BE CAPTURED DAMN YOU!
MISDREAVUS agrees for some reason!
...Cool.
MISDREAVUS was caught!
Give new name to MISDREAVUS?
MISDREAVUS.
MISDREAVUS was renamed MISDREAVUS!
CID won!
Can you get me out of the desert now?
NO!