WARRIOR BATTLE 91: Not an Anime Boy, but Still Luckless (Turquoise Version Crossover)

Player: Cid [16-7-2] Last Battle: Win vs. PPB
CID is in TURQUOISE VERSION!
Yes, Narrator, I know.
CID knows he’s in TURQUOISE VERSION!
This battle seems redundant from the start...
That’s because WEBMASTER just came back from WEDDING REHEARSAL and is in a RUSH to UPDATE!
Oooohh... Does that have ANY relevance to the current situation?
No.
Didn’t think so.
LANDON doesn’t think so either!
TENCHI doesn’t think so either!
You’re still here?
LANDON and TENCHI apparently didn’t have anything BETTER to do than follow CID!
Oh.
BLACK HORDES appeared!
BLACK HORDES are ANGRY!
Why?
There was no FRESH MEAT at the BASE of CLIFF, only PPB!
Oh, OK. There’s fresh meat over there.
BLACK HORDES aren’t going to fall for THAT again!
No, really, there’s some over there.
CID pointed to FRESH MEAT!
BLACK HORDES want to fight!
Damn you. Go, MagnaAngemon!
The enemy’s a big group of dead people! Go, MAGNAANGEMON!
BLACK HORDES gasp in FEAR!
Heh... Gate of Destiny, Magna.
MAGNAANGEMON used GATE OF DESTINY!
SEVERAL THOUSAND GATES fell on BLACK HORDES!
That pun’s been used before...
Yeah, like 50-60 Battles ago.
True.
It’s super effective!
BLACK HORDES used CHARGE!
BLACK HORDES charge at the FRESH MEAT!
What idiots.
FRESH MEAT is CID and CO.!
Oh. Well the proper reaction would be ‘Dammit’, wouldn’t it?
YES!
OK then. DAMMIT!
CID ran away!
LANDON ran away!
TENCHI stood there and watched BLACK HORDES go after CID and LANDON!
Since nobody’s left...
TENCHI won!

8/19/2K: WARRIOR BATTLE 92: Meeting... I Think...

Player: Kageru [0-1-0] Last Battle: Loss vs. Tree
SHADOW ELITE are having MEETING!
Yeah, so?
So...
SHADOW ELITE are discussing SOMETHING!
All in favor of hating the Narrator?
ALL: Aye.
Opposed?
NOBODY responds... HEY!
Good. Onto official business: The Darkpuff threat--
KOJIRO: Excuse me, but I think the Darkpuff threat has been neutralized. All it seems to be doing is advertising a George Foreman grill nowadays. Must be because Doompuff disappeared.
That was what I meant. Darkpuff’s way of selling things will attract the attention of our new enemy, the Helloing Sirs -- also known as the Salesman Army.
VINCENT: ‘Helloing Sirs’?
RAY: What the hell, Kageru? Did YOU name them that?
EVERYONE gave KAGERU a REALLY STRANGE LOOK!
Uh... Eh... Heh heh...
It’s super effective!
Shut up, Narrator.
TIRA: Can we get on with this?
Yes... As I said before, Darkpuff will undoubtedly be invited to the Helloing Sirs --
LANCE: Can you just call it the ‘Salesman Army’? Helloing Sirs just sounds too freaky.
EVERYONE agrees!
No.
KAGERU doesn’t agree!
Anyway. Darkpuff might join, or might just cook them on that grill of his, in the eye of the public. Either way, we can’t take that risk. We MUST stop the He--
ALL: SALESMAN ARMY!
SALESMAN ARMY... Before they get to Darkpuff.
KYLE: This makes no sense.
BLADE: I know...
JADE: Really.
EVERYONE agrees, even NARRATOR 4!
SHUT UP!
EVERYONE complies and does as told, except NARRATOR 4!
Now, we’ll split up into three groups: PokéBall and SuperBall Gym Leaders take one group, HyperBall and MasterBall Gym Leaders take another, and us four MasterBall elite will take the third group.
RED: Now THAT made no sense. Why didn’t you just call us by names? It’s simpler.
EVERYONE agrees!
This is a lost cause... At least I didn’t faint or lose or anything.
WRONG, League boy!
KAGERU fainted!
Uh... Erm... Hm... Lessee here... Who... Who... AHA!
LOAFY won!

8/20/2K: WARRIOR BATTLE 93: Lyfe Cereal

Player: Lyfe [no record.]
LYFE appeared!
Go away.
LYFE lively said GO AWAY!
Don’t make me a Cutepuff spinoff.
LYFE--
Don’t even.
LYFE didn’t let NARRATOR 4 finish!
So what?
NARRATOR 4 is QUITE ANNOYED!
So? And why do you alternate between first and third person all the time?
NARRATOR 4 is perfectly fine, so leave me alone!
Okay now... Using both perspectives in the same sentence...
NARRATOR 4 sent out LOAFY!
LOAFY sent out MEATLOAF!
MEATLOAF used MEATLOAF BLASTER!
LET ME TAKE A TURN!!
NO!
LYFE was BLASTed into NON-EXISTANCE... Nah. Too old.
LYFE was BLASTed into CEREAL!
...
KIDS appeared!
AAH!
KID 1: What’s this stuff?
KID 2: Some cereal.
KID 1: Joo try it?
Joo?
KID 2: I’m not gonna try it, JOO try it!
Don’t try it, kid. I’m... uh... POISON! Yeah. That’s it. Poison.
KID 1: I’m not gonna try it!
Smart kid.
KID 2: I know! Let’s get Mikey to eat it!
KID 1: Yeah! Mikey won’t eat it. He hates everything!
Something seems deftly wrong in that exchange of dialogue.
LYFE was passed to MIKEY!
Dude, you need Oxy pads.
MIKEY looks HUNGRY!
AAAAHH!
MIKEY started EATING LYFE like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
KID 2: He likes it! Hey Mikey!
LYFE. It was something, but I made it cereal. Pretty damn good too.
LYFE fainted!
MIKEY won!
I hate you.
KID 1: It IS good.
Hey, is that my foot?

8/21/2K: WARRIOR BATTLE 94: Battle at Sea

Player: Capp'n Joe [1-1-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Captain Mel
CAPP’N PETE appeared!
Yarr, it be the Narrator!
CREW: HUZZAH!
...Arr.
CAPTAIN MEL’s SHIP appeared!
Arr, it be that wretched Captain Mel!
MEL: Pete, ye scurvy dog, gimme back me treasure!
No. It be my treasure no, so nyah.
NARRATOR 4 thinks it’s rather STRANGE to see a PIRATE saying NYAH...
Yarr, ye don’t have control over me.
True.
CAPTAIN MEL wants to fight!
Arr, ye scalawag! Prepare to be boarded!
CREW: HUZZAH!
CREW threw GIANT BOARD at CAPTAIN MEL!
Puns be not funny. But this one works just fine.
CAPTAIN MEL was HIT with BOARD!
CAPTAIN MEL got BOARDED!
Arr.
CAPTAIN MEL is ANGRY!
CAPTAIN MEL sent out ZOMBIE SHIPS!
Yarr? Well, send out the Priest Ships.
CREW: HUZZAH!
CAPP’N JOE sent out PRIEST SHIPS!
PRIESTS used HOLINESS!
ZOMBIES melted into a pile of GREENISH GOOP!
That works.
CAPTAIN MEL sent out ENRAGED ATHEIST SHIPS!
PRIESTS try to CONVERT the ATHEISTS!
...
ATHEISTS beat up PRIESTS!
PRIEST SHIPS fainted!
Arr. Send out the Berserk Viking Ships!
CREW: HUZZAH!
CAPP’N JOE sent out BERSERK VIKING SHIPS!
VIKINGS: GRAAAAAAHH!
VIKINGS used TRAMPLE!
Harr harr!
VIKINGS ran into WATER and DROWNED!
...Yarr...
CAPTAIN MEL sent out CAPTAIN MEL!
CAPP’N JOE sent out CAPP’N JOE!
Walk the plank, ye!
CAPP’N JOE used WALK!
CAPP’N JOE walked off PLANK and into WATER!
...I hate ye, Narrator.
CAPP’N JOE drowned!
CAPP’N JOE fainted!
...
CAPTAIN MEL won!

8/22/2K: WARRIOR BATTLE 95: Braaaaaiiiins...

Player: Cid [16-8-1] Last Battle: Loss vs. Black Hordes
CID is being CHASED by BLACK HORDES!
NO FRIGGIN’ DUH! FOR BEING DEAD, THESE GUYS ARE FAST!
NARRATOR 4 is actually quite AMUSED at the PROSPECT of CID being CHASED by something he just CAUGHT not more than HALF AN HOUR ago!
For one, it’s been like 5 days, and for two, how is it you and some other Narrator keep switching?
Crossover.
Ah.
BLACK HORDES appeared!
...How’d they get in front of us?
BLACK HORDES that have been chasing CID, LANDON, and TENCHI appeared from BEHIND!
Oh.
DENTED PPB appeared!
Well now...
BLACK HORDES want to fight!
And PPB?
He’s still a bit SCARED of FALLING off CLIFF!
Oh... Kay...
BLACK HORDES sent out BLACK HORDES!
Allrighty then, GO BILL GATES!
Go! BILL GATES!
LANDON sent out PSYDUCK!
TENCHI just watches on!
Is that all you can do?
TENCHI doesn’t have SWORD with him!
CAN’T YOU CREATE ONE OUTTA THAT BRIGHTGAWK THING!?
TENCHI kicked the CRAP outta CID!
OW.
TENCHI says it’s LIGHTHAWK WING, and NO!
Okay...
BLACK HORDES used SMELL!
BLACK HORDES emit a HORRIBLE STENCH!
...The hell?
PSYDUCK gave BLACK HORDES a VACANT LOOK!
Figures. Bill Gates, uh... Eat their brains?
BILL GATES used CHOMP!
BILL GATES ate PPB’s BRAIN!
Okay, that works...
PPB was renamed VEGETABLE!
VEGETABLE fainted!
BILL GATES’s attack continues!
He’s already got no brain...
BILL GATES ate PSYDUCK’s BRAIN!
Oh... Psyduck has a brain?
PSYDUCK fainted!
This doesn’t look good.
BILL GATES’s attack continues!
AAAAHH! RUN FOR IT!!
CID ran away!
LANDON ran away!
BILL GATES and BLACK HORDES followed in PURSUIT!
TENCHI just stood there YET AGAIN, so...
TENCH won!