Pokébattles Foxfire

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Battles 81-85.

<< Older | 81 | 82 | 83 | 84 | 85 | Newer >>

I don't know where Catnip Ethylene's plotline is going at all.

Battle 81: Puns Regarding Ignition 12/1/2022
Location: Airship Twelve, Dystopia
Player: Catnip Ethyene [1-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Huger (Battle #74)

DICTATOR ICE appeared!
Oh. You must be here to tell me that I have to star in your propaganda and help train future tributes, yeah?
DICTATOR ICE: Actually no.
DICTATOR ICE: I'm just here to take back the Huger. We can't have the Huger Games without a Huger.
... Oi, go pound sand! I caught it, it's mine!
DICTATOR ICE: Okay for one thing I'm pretty sure sand would pound me based on what happened to Joey...
DICTATOR ICE: And for another... Go, Death Squad.
DICTATOR ICE wants to fight!
DICTATOR ICE sent out DEATHSQUAD!
Oh. Go Huger.
Go! HUGER!
HUGER sent out FIREWORMS!
... is that a good idea?
HIBER: Don't worry I already wrote a less garbage firesnake script.
HIBER: Like sixteen years ago. It doesn't crash and it actually uses the trig functions instead of always ending up going diagonal.
Okaaay...
Enemy DEATHSQUAD used DEATH!
Enemy DEATHSQUAD died!
Pah! Talk about the trash taking itself out...
HUGER: How impolite, don't you know you're supposed to wait until the fireworms roast you? Rude...
DICTATOR ICE: That ... wasn't supposed to happen. Go, StateSec!
Enemy DICTATOR ICE sent out STATESEC!
All right, Huger, have your FireWorms use Burn!
FIREWORMS used BURN!
Enemy STATESEC was given BURN NOTICE!
Enemy STATESEC broke down into CHAOS!
DICTATOR ICE: This is not remotely fair.
You're telling me. I captured this giant crab thing fair and square and now I've got a dictator sending death squads and state security apparatuses at me for no reason.
What's next, a snowman?
DICTATOR ICE: ...
DICTATOR ICE sent out FIRE!
Huh. False sense of security sort of thing?
DICTATOR ICE: Something like that. If I'm ice, why would I use fire?
Enemy FIRE used BURN!
FIREWORMS used BURN!
It's super effective... At STOKING enemy FIRE!
Enemy FIRE's SIZE rose!
Gyuh. Huger! Don't have them do that, they're making it worse!
HUGER: Well they can't do anything else and I'm not fighting it myself.
You're a crab, don't you know any water moves!?
HUGER: Nope.
FIREWORMS enough! Come back!
HUGER's had enough! It came back!
CATNIP was dragged out!
Oh, ugh.
Enemy FIRE used SIZE RISE!
Enemy FIRE's SIZE rose!
What? Enemy FIRE is evolving!
Congratulations! Enemy FIRE evolved into BONFIRE!
... oh gaddammit.
Wait, that gives me an idea. Ethylene!
CATNIP used ETHYLENE!
It's super dangerous!
ETHYLENE and enemy BONFIRE exploded!
Enemy BONFIRE's SIZE greatly rose!
Oh good... Or very bad if this doesn't work.
What? Enemy BONFIRE is evolving!
Congratulations! Enemy BONFIRE evolved into WILDFIRE!
WILDFIRE was renamed Wild FIRE!
DICTATOR ICE was dragged out!
DICTATOR ICE: ... oh shoot.
Great Ball, go!
CATNIP used GREAT BALL!
Congratulations! Wild FIRE was caught!
Go! Fire!
The enemy's weak to you! Get'm FIRE!
Fire defrosted Enemy DICTATOR ICE!
What? Enemy DICTATOR ICE is devolving!
DICTATOR ICE: ... I'm melting, I'm melting...!
Congratulations! Enemy DICTATOR ICE devolved into DICTATOR WATER!
DICTATOR WATER ran away!
Downhill!
Oh, whew, that deals with that...
STATESEC appeared!
STATESEC used COUP!
DYSTOPIA broke down into CHAOS!
DYSTOPIA fainted!
... the whole country?
Yes!
CATNIP won!
COUP RELATED INSTABILITY continues in the background!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

This battle took ... too long to fine tune into readiness. I've been wanting to make an Undertale-related battle for a while, not least because Sans and Papyrus allow for messing around with the font. It has a complicated place in my heart and I hope I'm doing it some sort of justice.
"Undertale" is property of TobyFox.

Battle 82: Into the Underground 12/8/2022
Location: Mt. Ebott Garbage Disposal Facility
Player: Isekai Ian [0-3-1] Last Battle: Loss vs. Terra (#77)

ISEKIAN greatly fell!
Wait, wawawawaaait, I thought we were going to a diiive!
MT EBOTT is between ISEKIAN and nearest DIVE!
ISEKIAN kept going and crashed!
Into TRASH HEAP!
ISEKIAN fainted!

...
(...)
ANIME CRITIC appeared!
ANIME CRITIC: Oh! What's that in the trash heap!?
(Oh, my saving grace!)
(Save me! I'm the hero, I can't die in another world's garbage dump!)
(Wait, that'd be a good name for a light novel...)
ANIME CRITIC: Nevermind, it's just some isekai trash...
(OH COME ON it would be amazing-)
ISEKIAN's HOPES greatly fell!
...along with ISEKIAN!

Location: Ruins Flowerbed

ISEKIAN woke up!
Oh huh... Bleh, I have a headache...
FLOWEY appeared!
FLOWEY: Howdy! I'm FLOWEY. FLOWEY the FLOWER.
FLOWEY: You're new to the UNDERGROUND, aren't you?
FLOWEY: Someone ought to teach you how things work around here!
FLOWEY wants to fight!
... random inanimate objects on the offensive, checks out...
FLOWEY: Oh don't mind that. I just want to share some LOVE with you.
FLOWEY: You want some LOVE, don't you?
Yes! Absolutely yes!
Only the pures of love between a generic dark-haired invincible hero and his half-dozen inexplicably passionately devoted haremettes!
At least one of which is an animal girl he saved from slavery by buying her! Which totally doesn't normalize or perpetuate the slave trade or anything.
FLOWEY: ... uh... uh huh...
FLOWEY: Anyway, down here, LOVE is shared in little white "Friendliness Pellets"!
FLOWEY: Move around! Get as many as you can!
Gotta catch 'em all!
Does the number I catch correspond to how many girls I get!?
FLOWEY: ... Sure, let's go with that...
Enemy FLOWEY used BULLET SEED!
Hit 5 times!
Yay, I got them! ... Why am I suddenly in debilitating pain.
FLOWEY: You idiot. In this world, it's kill or BE killed.
FLOWEY: Your SOUL may be useless, but it's still a golden opportunity!
FLOWEY: DIE.
Enemy FLOWEY used DEATH CIRCLE!
It's super symbolic!
Oh... Heck.
... but, it failed!
FIREBALL appeared!
... I'm ... saved!?
FIREBALL was renamed HIBER!
Aha!! The author is interfering on my behalf! At last! My birthright!
HIBER: ...
HIBER: ... Well, I guess I was gonna until you mentioned it...
HIBER: But actually I just came here to mess with Flowey. You only exist so I can send up common isekai tropes.
... Wait, I exist for wha-- WASHBASIN fell on ISEKIAN!
ISEKIAN fainted!

Player: Flowey the Flower [no record]

HIBER: And yeah, I know exactly what's going on. Sure didn't the first time.
HIBER: But all that talk about "LOVE" and "Friendliness Pellets" was super fake sounding. Do you actually get anyone with that?
... Yyyeah, uh, I don't think it's a good idea to stay around here. Bye!
FLOWEY used DIG!
FLOWEY went underground!
HIBER: No.
Can't escape!
HIBER used DIG!
FLOWEY was dragged out!
You... You know you can't keep me dead, right? Ha... ha... I'll just reset, you know?
FLOWEY used RESET!
It didn't affect FLOWEY!
It doesn't affect HIBER!
Or... You'll totally reset when something goes bad...
HIBER: ... Sorry, I'm still determined to see this project through, which means no resets on my end.
HIBER: And that's a lot more Determination than you'll ever have.
HIBER: Maybe if you start Marigold Version and outlast me...
HIBER: Anyway, more to the point, this world is going to change, and fast. We're way off the rails now--
ISEKIAN used POKé BALL!
Wait, wha--
HIBER: Wait, what-

Player: Isekai Ian

Congratulations! FLOWEY was caught!
Yes! Right out from under your nose, author!
HIBER: ... Okay then. I guess him trying to reset must've affected you somehow...
And I figured it out, too!
If you're not blatantly biased in my favor, this must mean this is one of those RPGs where the heroes beat up God or the author or whatever in the end.
...So, I'm going to defeat you!
HIBER: ... it really isn't.
Which is exactly what you'd say if it was!
HIBER: ... So what would I say if it wasn't!?
Things blatantly biased in my favor.
Oooor... You could be me!
HIBER: ... you ... you know there are stories other than those two extremes, right?...
HIBER: Also, that's bad writing...
Nah! Everyone knows the best stories are ones you can step into the shoes of.
HIBER: And by that you mean blatant power and interpersonal success fantasies that provide nothing but escapism...
Well yeah! What else are you gonna watch fiction for!?
HIBER: ...
HIBER: To gain perspective on the universe? To understand aspects of the world you don't? To better understand the human condition? To be entertained?!
HIBER: Besides, there's just as much important about the writing as about the reading. The power of expression!
... Nah, why bother with any of that when you can beat up the Demon King and be the center of a love septahedron.
HIBER: ...
HIBER: You know, I think I can feel my brain cells rotting just talking to you. Ciao!
HIBER ran away!
ISEKIAN ... won!?
Booyah! I am the greatest!
Wild WASHBASIN fell on ISEKIAN!
...Owwwww...

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

There are a number of trees that really do want to fight and the Manchineel is very much one of them.

Battle 83: Manchineel 12/15/2022
Setting: Reality 100%
Player: Ax Craig [2-1-3] Last Battle: Win vs. Sandbox Tree (#57)

Ah, what a beautiful day.
DAY is SUNNY!
OCEAN used SPARKLE!
It's super pretty!
I'm actually pretty surprised I could find a beach like this. Much less an ocean that wasn't made of blood.
To be honest, I wonder what the catch is.
Usually there is one...
TREE wants to fight!
Oh, fun! A wonderful diversion.
... why does it have a red "X" painted on it?
TREE was renamed MANCHINEEL!
I've never fought one of those. Google Pokédex?
GOOGLE POKéDEX: Although superficially sweet, the fruit of the MANCHINEEL is poisonous, as is every other part of the tree.
GOOGLE POKéDEX: Even a single drop of rain mixed with its sap can cause skin to blister. ... oh, fun...
Enemy MANCHINEEL sent out LEAF!
Fortunately, I have acquired woodcutting Pokémon since my last engagement. Scyther! Cut!
Go! SCYTHER!
Enemy LEAF used POISON RAIN!
It's super effective!
Super effective?!
Enemy MANCHINEEL's POISON is that BAD! And G1 games had some dubious TYPE matchups.
SCYTHER was BADly POISONed!
SCYTHER used CUT!
SCYTHER instantly cut enemy LEAF in half!
Enemy LEAF's POISON BODY!
SCYTHER's hurt by poison!
SCYTHER fainted!
Ohhh no.
Enemy MANCHINEEL sent out MANCHINEEL!
Well, better use a Steel-type, and Chainsaw is still at the Pokémon Center after the fight with that palm tree earlier.
Go, Ax!
The enemy's incredibly toxic! Get'm AX!
Enemy MANCHINEEL used TOXIC!
Enemy MANCHINEEL started up ONLINE MP in CALLLEAGUEOFRANT!
It's super toxic!
Oh, that works. Ax, hack!
AX used HACK!
AX HACKed in enemy MANCHINEEL's MATCH!
Enemy MANCHINEEL's MATCH's TOXICity greatly rose!
Enemy MANCHINEEL was poisoned!
Take that!
Enemy MANCHINEEL is angry!
Enemy MANCHINEEL used FALL!
POISON SAP fell on AX!
It's a Steel-type, it's immune to poison...
It's super effective!
AX was badly corroded!
AX was SAPped!
Of course, a reduction to everything and time based damage...
SAP sapped AX!
AX fainted!
Well I can't get close to it.
I didn't want to have to use this.
Go, Agricultural Flamethrower! Burn it!
The enemy's incredibly toxic! Get'm AGFLAMTHRO!
AGFLAMTHRO used BURN!
It's super effective!
Enemy MANCHINEEL was badly BURNed!
Enemy MANCHINEEL used DEATH APPLE!
It's super effective!
... On Snow White?
Yes!
AGFLAMTHRO fell into ENCHANTED SLEEP!
... Also, AGFLAMTHRO was badly poisoned!
AGFLAMTHRO fainted!
Too fast...
Enemy MANCHINEEL's hurt by poison!
Enemy MANCHINEEL's hurt by the burn!
Enemy MANCHINEEL fainted!
Oh!
Enemy MANCHINEEL used FINAL ATTACK: POISON SMOKE!
It's super toxic!
Oh! My face and lungs!
AX CRAIG was badly poisoned!
... call it a draw...
AX CRAIG's hurt by poison!
AX CRAIG fainted. Use next Pokémon?

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

I'm sure everyone these days knows how the Missingno. glitch actually worked. But all too often it's forgotten that it starts with that old man up in northern Viridian... Who's quite an unusual NPC himself.

Battle 84: The Old Man and the Secret Agenda 12/22/2022
Setting: Game 100%
Player: Old Man [No Record]

TRAINER appeared!
OLD MAN woke up!
...whuh? Who? Huh!?
This road's private property! Don't think about using it while I'm not around!
TRAINER: ... You are literally laying on the only road from Viridian to Pewter.
It's private proterty says I! Why when I was your age I had to cut through six backyards just to get to Pallet!
... You can't cut through mine!
GRANDDAUGHTER appeared!
GRANDDAUGHTER: I'm sorry. He hasn't had his coffee yet!
GRANDDAUGHTER: Grampa, come on...
GRANDDAUGHTER used COFFEE!
OAK: GRANDDAUGHTER! Now is not the time to use that!
Go on! Git! I'm warning you!
TRAINER: That ... looks like more than needing coffee...
GRANDDAUGHTER: Okay you're right. It absolutely is more than that and it's tearing our family up.
GRANDDAUGHTER: Nintendo won't even let us talk about it in the US release. It's bad though.
GRANDDAUGHTER: Please just come back later...
TRAINER: ... Uhhhhh.
TRAINER ran away!
Hah! Gottem. And don't come back!
GRANDDAUGHTER: Grampa, will you please come inside and have your coffee...? You're-
OAK: Wonderful!
OAK slipped OLD MAN $20!
OAK: Thanks, OLD MAN. These trainers are always in such a rush they forget their POKéDEXes.
GRANDDAUGHTER: ... Wait, what the here!?

Time: Some days later

TRAINER appeared!
Hi! I've had my coffee and I feel great!
TRAINER: ... uhh...
Do you know how to catch POKéMON?!
TRAINER: Uhh, no, I don't want any trouble-
Well come on then!
I'll show you how!
███████ was renamed TRAINER!
TRAINER was renamed OLD MAN!
Wild WEEDLE appeared!
► ITEM
► POKé BALL
OLD MAN used POKé BALL!
Congratulations! Wild WEEDLE was caught!
OLD MAN was renamed TRAINER!
...And that's how it's done!
First, you need to weaken the target POKéMON.
TRAINER: ... okay.. Uh... Why did I just turn into you for a moment.
Don't worry about it! ... By the way. Have you been to CINNABAR ISLAND?
TRAINER: Uhh... yeah... I just came from there, I was gonna see if I couldn't get into Viridian Gym...
Go right back there, don't even step foot on the road. Then go surf up and down the east coast and you'll find something good.
TRAINER: ... uhhh...
TRAINER sent out DODUO!
DODUO used FLY!
TRAINER flew away!
... Suckers. The senile gig always gets 'em.
MISSING NO. appeared!
MISSING NO. slipped OLD MAN $50!
Thanks. Remember, if their save file corrupts I get 20% plus all their potions.
... POTIONS!?
Well what did you think it was!?
POTION ABUSE! Do your part to stop it today!
OLD MAN ... Won? Sure, let's go with that...

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

I'm going somewhere with this and it may or may not make sense in context later.

Battle 85: Special Report 12/29/2022
Location: Grassy Field of Doom
Player: Newscaster Ned [1-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Mayor Flind (#53)

Coming to you live from the Grassy Field of Doom, this is Newscaster Ned of FNN, the Foxfire News Network.
We're continuing to report on strange and unusual activity relating to the Network Portals.
Wild NIDORAN appeared!
Wild Nidoran, would you care to tell us what you saw this morning?
Wild NIDORAN: Nido nido! Nidoran ran ra ni doni! Ni ra-ni rani doran!
Wild NIDORAN: Ran do nid doni ran!
Fascinating. And did you see anything come out of the unidentified portal at the Land of the Dead site?
Wild NIDORAN: Do! Nidoran ran ran ran!
Wild NIDORAN: Nidoran do ran-ran do! Rani!
I see. So you heard footsteps, but you ran away. And--
HIBER: Darn kids, get off my lawn, I'm trying to write!!
HIBER used BOOT TOSS!
HIBER is out of usable BOOTs!
HIBER's attack failed!
Cut to commercial, cut to commercial!
NEWSNED and Wild NIDORAN ran away!

Location: Studio
Time: Roughly 5 minutes later

Welcome back, viewers. Here in the studio we have resident expert on the Land of the Dead, Pirate!
Pirate, what can you tell us about the unidentified portal that appeared at the site of the Land of the Dead portal?
PIRATE: Well y'see. There be two portals to Davy Jones's Locker there.
PIRATE: One be in ye Mount Winter. Ye Flying Dutchman, cross me heart, dives into it on a regular basis on her cursed travels.
PIRATE: But ye return portal, that be a bit different, y'see. That only opens once every two score and ten battles.
PIRATE: And only for one person.
PIRATE: But ye said ye Nidoran heard many footsteps, and it be not yet battle fivescore.
PIRATE: I conclude to ye it were not a portal to Davy Jones's Locker neither.
I see. And how did you come to be an expert in the nature of the Land of the Dead, Mr. Pirate?
PIRATE: I have a bootleg copy of ye Necronomicon.
PIRATE shows BOOTLEG NECRONOMICON!
BOOTLEG NECRONOMICON is made out of BOOT and LEG!
I see...
Enemy MAGNAMITE appeared!
Enemy MAGNAMITE wants to fight!
A Magnemite?
MAGNAMITE!
Enemy MAGNAMITE used SHOCK STOMP!
PIRATE used DODGE ROLL!
Enemy MAGNAMITE's attack missed!
Cut to commercial cut to commercial!
Go! Camera!
Ally PIRATE is trying to send out PIRATESHIP!
But, STUDIO is too small for PIRATESHIP!
Ally PIRATE sent out instead, CDBURNER!
Don't bootleg the broadcasts!
PIRATE: Me landlubber laddie, I was going to bootleg ye broadcasts from ye moment I stepped inside.
*... grumble, fume...*
Camera! Snap!
CAMERA used SNAP!
CAMERA's LENS HOLDER snapped!
CAMERA's ACCURACY greatly fell!
CAMERA fainted!
Oh well, it needed some serious repairs anyway...
Ally CDBURNER used BURN!
It's super effective!
Enemy MAGNAMITE was burned!
Enemy MAGNAMITE's hurt by the burn!
Enemy MAGNAMITE used LASER BEAM!
Enemy MAGNAMITE BEAMed CDBURNER's LASERs!
CDBURNER fainted!
.. that's both of us...
Enemy MAGNAMITE used CROUCH SPAM!
...Rude...
Go! Microphone! Use Interview!
The enemy's a giant robot cable insect thing! Get'm MICROPHONE!
Ally PIRATE sent out CANNON!
Ally CANNON is loading!
Ally CANNON will be loaded in 10 lines!
Right, let's stall until then. Microphone, interview!
MICROPHONE used INTERVIEW!
Well, Mr. Magnamite. What brings you here to the studio today?
MAGNAMITE: WELL< WHAT I REALLY WANT IN LIFE IS >>> TO KILL ASTRO BOY>
MAGNAMITE: WAIT< THAT DOESN"T SEEM RIGHT>
MAGNAMITE: I MEAN< TO KILL YOU>>>?
Uh huh. And why do you want to kill us so badly?
MAGNAMITE: YOU KNOW THINGS YOU SHOULDN"T AND ARE LOOKING INTO THINGS YOU SHOULDN"T.
MAGNAMITE: THAT PORTAL ISN"T TO BE MESS WI__
Ally CANNON used AP SHOT!
It's super effective!
Critical hit!
Enemy MAGNAMITE fainted!
... Phew.
I feel like we missed out on a major scoop or plot point, but at the same time, my studio's saved, so I can't exactly complain.
NEWSNED won!
PIRATE won!

Magnamite is in reference to "Astro Boy: Omega Factor".
If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.

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