Poké Battles: Foxfire Version
Foxfire Version: Official Battles

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>>> Battles 1-5
>>> Battles 6-10
>>> Tournament 1
>>> Battles 11-15
>>> Battles 16-20
>>> Tournament 2
>>> Battles 21-25
>>> Battles 26-30
>>> Fanfic 1
>>> Battles 31-35
>>> Battles 36-40
>>> Tournament 3
>>> Battles 41-45
>>> Battles 46-50
>>> Battles 51-55
>>> War Event 1
>> MIDI Music

Phantom Version: Fan Battles
Amber Version: Historical Archives
Network: Community Content & Fansites

Battles 41-45 are big, violent, and consist to a great degree of fallout from Team Rocket's acquisition of legitimate Doompuff spinoffs in Tournament 3.

<< Older | Foxfire Tournament #3 | 41 | 42 | 43 | 44 | 45 | Newer >>


PokéBattles Foxfire: Tournament #3

>> Read Here <<


In the official manga, Pokémon Adventures / Pokémon Special, several of the Kanto gym leaders - at some point all but Brock, Misty, and Erika - were members of Team Rocket. A suitable enough plot point to borrow.

Battle 41: Mew Manga Machinations 2/24/2022
Setting: Game 60% / Manga 40%
Player: Rocket Admin Sabrina [No Record]


Wild MEW appeared!
Wow, it's only been two months and a lot of failed attempts... But at last we've gotten the ritual to work right without being interfered with.
LT.SURGE: I still don't see why we had to go fly away from that gamblah. It was a doity trick!
KOGA: It metaphysically charges the astral properties of the region with the anticipation of battle, so...
KOGA: You know what... Never mind. It's a glitch, it's just a glitch.
More to the point, it's a fait accompli. Go, Psybir!
The enemy's the eldritch progenitor of all life on Earth! Get'm PSYBIR!
Ally LT.SURGE sent out GOROCHU!
Ally KOGA sent out MYSTERIO!
Psybir, psybirattack.
PSYBIR used PSYBIRATTACK!
PSYBIR took wild MEW's BANKACCOUNTDATA!
Wild MEW is BROKE!
It doesn't affect wild MEW!
Ally GOROCHU used ROLLING THUNDER!
JOHNNY THUNDER rolled through in LEGO CAR!
It doesn't affect MEW!
Ally MYSTERIO used MYSTERY ATTACK!
... No obvious effect!
...Tch.
Wild MEW used MEGA PUNCH!
Wild MEW made MEGABYTES of MEMORY into FRUIT PUNCH!
PSYBIR is out of RAM!
PSYBIR fainted!
...Tch!!
Go! Mr. Mime!

Go! MR. MIME!
Ally GOROCHU used THUNDERBOLT!
THUNDER bolted!
Ally GOROCHU is out of usable THUNDER!
Ally GOROCHU blacked out!
Ally LT.SURGE is out of usable POKéMON!
Ally LT.SURGE blacked out!
Of course...
Ally MYSTERIO used MYSTERY!
... but, it failed!
What? MYSTERIO is devolving!
MYSTERIO devolved into IO!
IO flew off to ORBIT JUPITER!
That's. That's not good.
Wild MEW used METRONOME!
...
Wild MEW used METRONOME!
Wild MEW used METRONOME!
Wild MEW used METRONOME!
Did they forget to check to make sure it couldn't select itself, or...?
YES!
Wild MEW used METRONOME!
Wild MEW used METRONOME!
Wild MEW used SING!
Wild MEW has talent!
Wild MEW was instantly recruited by TALENT AGENCY!
Wild MEW ran away!
Oh... We didn't get it after all this time.
How unfortunate.
We'll have to report this to Giovanni. Perhaps next time he won't cheap on the Master Balls.

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


Loosely inspired by similar events in past versions.

Battle 42: Battle for the Version, Part 1 3/3/2022
Location: Foxfire Resistance Base
Player: Jane F Deer [5-1-2] Last Battle: Loss vs. Giovanni (T3R2)


Okay, so as we all know by now, Team Rocket's got a full-on Doompuff.
And that against all odds they've somehow managed to control it.

SAMXCVT: It was as if all the dreams and nightmares I'd had since that night in the end-of-summer heat. The thought of that shark balloon filled my thoughts, as...
NAHMAN: My swords still gone!
PIRATE: Yar, so we be menaced by a buoy with more teeth than a greatwhite, but what to do?
MALKAVIAN: Hahahaha. You could say we're all ... Doomed! Ahahahaha! ... We're all gonna die.
AXCRAIG: ... This isn't the Pewter Outdoors Society meeting, is it? I may have made a wrong turn at Viridian.
RYOUGA HIBIKI: No, I think it's the Tendo Martial Arts school...
NEVA KEE: Keeeee!!
No, no, sad to say it isn't... Any of those things...
We're trying to figure out what to do about Team Rocket's Doompuff clone...
Mr.... Excavator? Could you come and explain what you know, please?

SAMXCVT: There was no other option. My boots' rubber soles fell heavily as I marched my way to the podium.
SAMXCVT: But I told the audience straight away I would have to defer. My compatriot was more suited to explain.
Ummm... Okay?
RATICATE used RAT!
RATICATE RATTED OUT enemy TEAM ROCKET's PLAN!
RATICATE: Rat rat rararara ticat cate rate cat!
RATICATE: CATE!
KATE: Wait, whaaat!? Sorry, I didn't quite catch that?
VULPIX: Vul! Vul pix pix!
PIKAMAN: The rodent of unusual size, which I have a vague kinship towards, said that it was the doing of Silph Chief, Doc Moreau, and Giovanni.
PIKAMAN: Giovanni provided the Earth Badge, to control. Silph Chief provided the improved Master Ball, to capture.
PIKAMAN: And my creator Doc Moreau provided the evolution.
Whiiich leaves only the Doompuff sample ... That I totally let those Rockets get by me a couple months ago.
Thaaat may have been a mistake. Gaddommit.
And now, somehow, they've got a Doompuff they can actually control, 2009 Red Version style.
Sooo... That's water under the bridge. Now how do we stop it?

KASPAROV: If my long experience has taught me anything it is that there is nothing to do for a Doompuff invasion but to run away and let it eat C-List fodder, such as most of the rest of you, until the next fanfic, when it will inevitably either destroy the universe or be trapped in a plot device.
KASPAROV: Oh, fortunate me.
HPOTTER: My name's Harry Potter, not C-list fodder!
TERRA: Also that's totally not gonna work at all. We still gotta kill it.
... Wait, what are you doing here!?
TERRA: I can't make you mortals polish my boots if you've all gotten eaten by a murderballoon, can I?
Fair point. Back to the topic at hand...
STANESC: Pass a law against it.
OFFICER JENNY: And arrest it!
Pretty sure murder's already illegal. If you want to arrest that thing, go ahead, your funeral.
JESSEJAMES: Shoot the booger.
Been done! Didn't work.
ATHUN: Tie wild horses to its limbs and pull!
Yeeek. I don't think that would work either.
D.TRUMPKIN: We should build a big beautiful wall and make Team Rocket pay for it.
There are several reasons why that would most certainly not work...
MAN WITH HOOK: ... hhhooOOOKKkkhhh ...
MAN WITH HOOK wants to fight!
No. We can't afford infighting.
MGM LION: Build a theme park around it and monetize it.
... Okay, now... What?!
RAY: We oughta just...
GOLBAT used CONFUSE RAY!
RAY is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
RAY: Gosh dang muckle darned Golbies!!--
Oh, please...
ANAKIN SKYWALKER: I have a freighter. I could take us off planet.
CAPSLOTH: I have a freighter too.
CAPSLOTH: But it be an oceangoing freighter.
BUCCANEER: Yar, we should bombard it from offshore.
CORSAIR: I concur.
It's a start...
PIRATE: ... Ye. What ye two scurvy dogs be doing here!?
DOOR fainted!
DARKSTEVE appeared!
IMPOSTER PROFESSOR OAK appeared!
DARKSTEVE: Yo I finally got that imposter dude who's been screwing with battles...
DARKSTEVE: Also speaking of, uhh... There's a gym leader outside. In a Rocket uniform.
Which one, huh...
SABRINA appeared!
SABRINA wants to fight!
Ooooh crap.
SABRINA: Unfortunately, I've been tasked to eliminate you and field test the results of the new Doom Stone...
Enemy SABRINA wants to fight!
Enemy SABRINA sent out MALEVOLENT MEAT-MINCING MR. MIME of MURDER!
...Also known as MURDERMIME!
Oh, what the absolute heck they've got more of them.

Time: Stopped
Player: Hiber


And I'm sure you're all just dying to find out what happens next... But this battle is running long even without a battle and I am out of time to finish it.
So you'll find out in Battle 43.

Battle ended in a draw!

To be continued...

If you enjoyed the battle (or lack thereof), you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


I have bitten off more than I could chew with this battle. It's almost 250 lines.

As an aside note, I rolled dice for the fates of most participants over this battle's course. ... The dice do not like Murdermime, because while there was a 1/3 chance of defeat or destruction, I'm not sure anyone got it besides Mars and Taser. All the other KOs are scripted because they were funny that way.

Battle 43: Battle 42, Part 2 3/10/2022
Location: Foxfire Resistance Base
Player: Jane F Deer [5-1-3] Last Battle: Draw vs. Sabrina (Battle 42)


Last time, on PokéBattles: Foxfire Version...

SABRINA: Unfortunately, I've been tasked to eliminate you and field test the results of the new Doom Stone...
Enemy SABRINA wants to fight!
Enemy SABRINA sent out MALEVOLENT MEAT-MINCING MR. MIME of MURDER!
...Also known as MURDERMIME!
Oh, what the absolute heck they've got more of them.

Now...

Oh what the absolute heck they've got more of them.
Can we get away?

Can't escape!
Figures! Fine! Resistance, we're totally screwed, so prepare for the fight of your lives!
Go! Taser!

Go! TASER!
SAMXCVT sent out BRANDY!
NAHMAN sent out HATCHET!
PIRATE sent out SHIP!
MALKAVIAN sent out GHOUL!
AXCRAIG sent out AX!
RYOUGA HIBIKI sent out UMBRELLA!
NEVAKEE sent out PODRACER!
RATICATE sent out RATICATE!
KATE sent out SNORLAX!
VULPIX sent out VULPIX!
PIKAMAN sent out PIKAMAN!
KASPAROV sent out GIGACHESSTRON!
HPOTTER sent out RONWEASLEY!
TERRA sent out MARS!
STANESC sent out LEGISLATEON!
OFFICER JENNY sent out GROWLITHE!
JESSEJAMES sent out GANGSTER!
ATHUN sent out TARKAN!
TRUMPKIN sent out WALL!
MAN WITH HOOK sent out HOOK!
MGM LION sent out FF DECOYPUFF!
RAY sent out DEATH RAY!
ANAKIN sent out LIGHTSABER!
CAPSLOTH sent out BLOW THE MAN DOWN!
...Isn't that a song.
CAPSLOTH: Aye, a chanty.
Good enough for me.
BUCCANEER sent out ANCHOR!
CORSAIR sent out CORSAIR!
DARKSTEVE sent out MUK!
Whew, that's a lot...
TELL NARRATOR about it!
NARRATOR will be HORSE by the end of this one!
Don't you mean "hoarse".
... No!
Right, everyone, hit it with everything you've got!
Taser, Volt Tackle to the oompa loompas!

TASER used VOLT TACKLE TO THE OOMPA LOOMPAS!
But, it failed!
TASER's attack missed!
It's not very effective...
Oh, right, it's Gen 1...
Enemy MURDERMIME instantly snapped TASER in half!
BRANDY used BRAND!
BRANDY poked enemy MURDERMIME with HOT BRANDING IRON!
It's not very effective...
Enemy MURDERMIME instantly devoured BRANDY!
Enemy MURDERMIME's BAC greatly rose!
Is that good news or bad news.
Remains to be seen!
HATCHET used HATCHET!
HATCHET hatched an ET!
ET joined you!
SHIP used BROADSIDE!
SHIP hit the BROAD SIDE of a BARN!
BARN fainted!
It doesn't affect enemy MURDERMIME!
GHOUL used POTENCE!
GHOUL's STRENGTH greatly rose!
AX used HACK!
AX hacked enemy MURDERMIME's SOCIAL MEDIA accounts!
It doesn't affect enemy MURDERMIME!
Of course it doesn't, who'd care about a murderous doomclown's social media except to stay out of the way?
CHURCH OF THE IRON THORN is angry!
COTIH wants to fight!
... Enemy MURDERMIME!
I feel like I've heard of them from somewhere...
Enemy MURDERMIME instantly snapped AX in half!
UMBRELLA used ROCK BREAKER!
ROCK was fully BROKEN!
MEGAMAN fainted!
Didn't the new games change his name to Mega.
HIBER: Heresy.
COTIH: HERESY!
PODRACER used BOOST!
PODRACER threw BOOST BOTTLE at enemy MURDERMIME!
... At 600kph!
BOOST! The drink that hits like a hypervelocity shell!
MURDERMIME's hit!
Wow, that's the best so far.
Enemy MURDERMIME used MALEVOLENCE!
PODRACER is MALEVOLENT!
PODRACER joined enemy MURDERMIME!
Oh heck it's contagious
SABRINA: Did you really expect a Psychic-type Doompuff spinoff to not have mind control?
SABRINA: Okay, not like it would necessarily use or need it on its own. But there is strength in numbers.
RATICATE used SUPER FANG!
Look!
Up in SKY!
It's MOLAR!
It's INCISOR!
No! It's SUPER FANG!
RATICATE flew away!
One way to do it. Well, at least he made it out...
SABRINA: We'll get him later.
SNORLAX used BODY SLAM!
Enemy MURDERMIME was SLAMMED with a BODY!
... of EVIDENCE!
STANESC: Your honor, the prosecution rests.
Enemy MURDERMIME is GUILTY!
Of MURDER!
And putting MEAT in MINCE PIES!
No kidding?
... It doesn't affect enemy MURDERMIME!
VULPIX used ACME BADGE!
VULPIX used ANVIL DROP!
ANVIL fell on enemy MURDERMIME!
Minor damage!
PIKAMAN used WARLOCK PUNCH!
PIKAMAN gave enemy MURDERMIME a glass of WARLOCK PUNCH!
It's super poisonous!
Enemy MURDERMIME was poisoned!
...Oh, like hemlock!
Keep layering on those status effects! I'm surprised they work at all...

GIGACHESSTRON used CHESS BLASTER!
Enemy MURDERMIME was BLASTED with CHESS PIE!
It doesn't affect enemy MURDERMIME!
RONWEASLEY used FLYING FORD!
Enemy MURDERMIME used BACK SEAT MURDERER!
RONWEASLEY is in MORTAL PERIL!
MARS used PHOTON MISSILE!
MARS' MISSILE is made of PHOTONS!
MARS flashed HIGH BEAMS!
RON's ACCURACY fell!
Enemy MURDERMIME's ACCURACY fell!
FLYING FORD kept going and crashed!
... Into GIGACHESSTRON!
GIGACHESSTRON fainted!
FORD ANGLICA fainted!
RON fainted!
Enemy MURDERMIME is unaffected!
Enemy MURDERMIME used MINCE MEAT!
MARS was hit with MINCEMEAT PIE!
... At MACH 2!
MARS fainted!
... Blown to smithereens, and he's only fainted?
NARRATOR can't tell with robots!
NARRATOR is being optimistic!
LEGISLATEON used LEGISLATE!
Enemy MURDERMIME is already ILLEGAL!
It doesnt affect Enemy MURDERMIME!
GROWLITHE used TAKE DOWN!
GROWLITHE TOOK DOWN enemy MURDERMIME's WEBSITES and SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILES!
It doesn't affect enemy MURDERMIME!
GANGSTER used SIX SHOOTER!
JESSEJAMES used SIX SHOOTER!
GANGSTER used SIX SHOOTER!
JESSEJAMES used SIX SHOOTER!
GANGSTER used SIX SHOOTER!
JESSEJAMES used SIX SHOOTER!
GANGSTER used SIX SHOOTER!
JESSEJAMES used SIX SHOOTER!
GANGSTER used SIX SHOOTER!
JESSEJAMES used SIX SHOOTER!
GANGSTER used SIX SHOOTER!
JESSEJAMES used SIX SHOOTER!
Hit 6 times!
Hit 2 times!
It doesn't affect enemy MURDERMIME!
TARKAN used TORCH!
TARKAN shone TORCH in enemy MURDERMIME's eyes!
Enemy MURDERMIME's ACCURACY fell!
TRUMPKIN: The wall just got ten feet higher.
WALL used TEN FEET HIGHER!
It's super effective!
...Against HUMPTY DUMPTY, maybe! It doesn't affect MURDERMIME!
Enemy MURDERMIME instantly snapped WALL in half!
Enemy MURDERMIME instantly snapped TRUMPKIN in half!
Enemy MURDERMIME instantly snapped TRUMPKIN HALVES in half!
...So does that mean he's gone?
... MAYBE!
HOOK used HOOK!
HOOK set up PLOT HOOK!
... But, PLOT is already in FULL SWING!
Enemy MURDERMIME used FULL SWING!
HOOK fainted!
FF DECOYPUFF used DOOM!
FF DECOYPUFF foretold enemy MR. MIME's DOOM!
FF DECOYPUFF: YOU WILL DIE EXACTLY AS YOU AND ALL OUR KIND HAVE KILLED>>>
... Hmmm. Any more details?
FF DECOYPUFF: ERROR, YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO RECEIVE DOOM AT THIS TIME. ADDITIONAL CUSTOMERS CAN PURCHASE TICKETS AT--
Enemy MURDERMIME instantly snapped FF DECOYPUFF in half!
It was fake anyway...
DEATH RAY used DEATH!
Enemy MURDERMIME used MURDER!
Forces collide!
... DEATH fainted!
What? DEATH RAY is devolving!
DEATH RAY devolved into RAY!
LIGHTSABER used SLASH!
SLASH hit enemy MURDERMIME with LIGHTSABER!
Minor damage!
Enemy MURDERMIME used MIME!
Enemy MURDERMIME used SLASH!
SLASH hit LIGHTSABER with enemy MURDERMIME!
Minor damage to enemy MUDERMIME!
... Enemy MURDERMIME instantly snapped LIGHTSABER in half!
ANAKIN: Not again...
BLOW THE MAN DOWN used BLOW THE MAN DOWN!
THE MAN was fully BLOWN DOWN!
WIDESPREAD SOCIETAL CHANGE appeared!
WIDESPREAD SOCIETAL CHANGE used CHANGE!
Enemy MURDERMIME's HP was CHANGED!
Which direction, huh?
Downward!
ANCHOR used ANCHOR!
Enemy MURDERMIME's SPEED greatly fell!
CORSAIR used STRAFE!
It doesn't affect enemy MURDERMIME!
MUK used ACID ARMOR!
MUK used ACID for ARMOR!
Enemy MURDERMIME is trying to use MINCE MEAT!
Enemy MURDERMIME used instead, MINCE MUK!
It didn't affect MUK!
Enemy MURDERMIME's MINCING KNIVES were hit!
Enemy MURDERMIME is angry!
Enemy MURDERMIME's ATTACK rose!
Enemy MURDERMIME's hurt by poison!
Oh, yeah... That's... One full round... Wow.

Location: Hiber's Cave
Player: Hiber

...Right, I know the battle's only like half done.
But it's also over 200 lines long already and it's late so I'm splitting it again.

Battle ended in a draw for remaining participants!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


Mew is the origin of all Pokémon and also an adorable pink cat-fetus-looking creature. It was also big in ye olden days, especially notable around Flame Version, the rediscovery of which may have been an inspiration to create Foxfire Version. I wrote this battle last night in a fit of fury so it's probably not my best or wisest decisions but my buffer is empty and I flatly refuse to fall to hiatus now.

Battle #44: Yes, this is a... 3/17/2022
Location: Foxfire Resistance Base - Outside
Player: Mew Record: [1-0-1] Last Battle: Draw vs. Sabrina and Rocket Gym Leaders (Battle #41)


Mew...! Mew, mew, mew...
MEW appeared!
MEW is adorable!
... Nani?
Watch your tongue, Narrator. I don't let anyone swagger over me.

MEW used GLARE!
... NARRATOR is intimidated! It may not attack!
That's better.
Oh? What's this making so much noise?~

SABRINA appeared!
JANE, SAMXCVT, NAHMAN, PIRATE, MALKAVIAN, AXCRAIG, RYOUGA HIBIKI, NEVAKEE, KATE, VULPIX, PIKAMAN, KASPAROV, HPOTTER, TERRA, STANESC, OFFICER JENNY, JESSEJAMES, ATHUN, MAN WITH HOOK, MGM LION, RAY, ANAKIN, and CAPSLOTH appeared!
Enemy MURDERMIME appeared!
Oh. That weakling who tried to capture me before.
And... What's this...?

FOXFIRE RESISTANCE used MASSIVE ONSLAUGHT!
It's not very effective...
Enemy MURDERMIME used MIME MASER!
AXCRAIG died!
OFFICER JENNY died!
VULPIX fainted!
MAN WITH HOOK fainted!
MGM LION fainted!
ANAKIN fainted!
CAPSLOTH fainted!
Interesting, interesting.
But you know. The more carefully you scheme, the more unexpected events come along.

MURDERMIME used BLADE BARRIER!
FOXFIRE RESISTANCE was CUT OFF!
SABRINA wants to fight!
Oh? You're approaching me...?
SABRINA sent out MURDERMIME!
Enemy MURDERMIME used MIME MASER!
Enemy MURDERMIME's attack missed!
Mewda da.
Enemy MURDERMIME used KNIFE SPAM!
MEW used TELEPORT SPAM!
Enemy MURDERMIME's attack missed!
Mewdamewdamewdamewdamewdamewda!
Devolution Biimu da!

MEW used DEVOLUTION BEAM!
What? Enemy MURDERMIME is devolving!
Enemy MURDERMIME devolved into MR. MIME!
BLADE BARRIER fainted!
Hinjaku, hinjaku!
All of you are too weak for me.

FOXFIRE RESISTANCE used MASSIVE ONSLAUGHT!
Hit 16 times!
It's super effective!
Critical hit!
MR. MIME died!
Enemy SABRINA used TELEPORT!
Enemy SABRINA ran away!
You thought you'd see all those people deal with the Murdermime...
But it was me, Mew!

MEW won!
FOXFIRE RESISTANCE won!
FOXFIRE RESISTANCE ran away!
Oh? Are you still here...?
MEW used MENACING!
MEW is MENACING!
... NARRATOR ran away!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


This battle was written around the time of battles 6-10 and was scheduled for release with them. It was the last reserve in my buffer. Things have been stressful lately.

Battle #45: Bowser 3/24/2022
Location: Peach's Castle, Mushroom Kingdom
Player: Bowser, King of the Koopas [No Record]


WAH HAH HAH! I, Bowser the Koopa King, have come to kidnap you again, Peach!
And those half-baked Mario Brothers won't stop me this time!

PEACH says that MARIO and LUIGI will stop you!
PEACH says this is getting old, though!
PEACH wants to fight!
... Wait, what?
PEACH says that your plan will eventually be foiled, but it'll cause a lot of destruction first!
PEACH wants to nip it in the bud this time!
PEACH sent out TOADSWORTH!
Kamek! Use your magic and deal with this retainer...
GO! KAMEK!
KAMEK used MAGIC!
KAMEK's attack missed!
It kept going and crashed! Into BRICK!
What? BRICK is evolving!
BRICK evolved into 1UPMUSHROOM!
PEACH ate the 1UPMUSHROOM!
CASTLE's STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY fell!
Hmm...
TOADSWORTH used GREAT HOOGLY-BOOGLY!
GREAT HOOGLY-BOOGLY appeared!
Wait, what on earth is that!?
BOWSER is confused!
It hurt itself in its confusion!
OW!
That does it! Kamek, finish him off!

KAMEK used FINISH HIM OFF!
HIM was fully FINISHED OFF!
TOWNSVILLE is saved!
It didn't affect TOADSWORTH!
TOADSWORTH says he's only just started!
Oh? What's he gonna do? Bloviate at us?
TOADSWORTH used SMASHING TIME!
TOADSWORTH is about to have a SMASHING TIME...
Oh, so you're gonna have fun? Just get outta the way, old man...
TOADSWORTH pulls out BASEBALL BAT and MANIACAL GRIN!
...!
...NARRATOR used RELAX-o-VISION!

Location: Relax-o-vision

MARIO SUPER SLUGGERS! Buy it today at your local game retailer!
BIRD used SING!
FLOWER used BLOOM!
It's super relaxing!
READERS used IGNORE HORRIFICALLY VIOLENT BACKGROUND NOISE! ... I hope ...

Location: Peach's Castle

NARRATOR returns!
KAMEK was fully SMASHED!
KAMEK fainted!
PEACH is mildly horrified!
... I'm not sure that'll wash out...
But... You! You just messed with the wrong Koopa King!

BOWSER is the only KOOPA KING!
BOWSER sent out BOWSER!
Big Boo, back me up here! Terrorize!
BOWSER used TERRORIZE!
It's super scary!
TOADSWORTH: GREAT HOOGLY-BOOGLY!
TOADSWORTH ran away scared!
GREAT HOOGLY-BOOGLY ran away scared!
CASTLE'S STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY greatly fell!
PEACH was dragged out!
Now, Princess Peach, where were we...
Ah, yes! I was kidnapping you! Again!

PEACH doesn't think so!
PEACH used PSYCH BOMB!
BOWSER was PSYCHED OUT with BOMBS!
Oh Goomba.
BOMBS went off!
BOWSER was badly BOMBED!
CASTLE's STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY greatly fell!
CASTLE collapsed!
BOWSER greatly fell!
BOWSER'S HP greatly fell!
PEACH used FLOAT!
PEACH floated down gracefully!
Grrr. But I still have one last trick up my sleeve.
Unfortunately for you, Peach, we've done this song and dance so many times before this should be a breeze!

BOWSER used REPEAT BALL!
It's super effective!
Congratulations! PEACH was caught!
Finally.
BOWSER surveys SURROUNDING DESTRUCTION!
PEACH'S CASTLE was renamed PEACH'S CASTLE RUINS!
I didn't think she'd go so far as to level her castle to beat me. I'm impressed.
NARRATOR reminds BOWSER that BOWSER did more than half that damage!
True. Anyway I better get out of here. Those Mario Brothers will be coming after me and I've gotta make sure my plan's all ready for them. Heh, heh, heh...
BOWSER ran!

Time: Later

MARIO appeared!
LUIGI appeared!
MARIO surveys CASTLE RUINS!
MARIO: OH NO!
LUIGI found BOWSER FOOTPRINTS!
LUIGI: Agagagagag!
MARIO jumps up and down a few times!
MARIO: Let's go!
LUIGI Jumps up and down a few times!
LUIGI: Okie dokie!
MARIO BROTHERS set off to find BOWSER!

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