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Poké Battles: Foxfire Version
Foxfire Version: Official Battles

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Battles 16-20 featured further developments of various villainous factions, including Terra, and most notably the arrival of the Team Rocket Trio, who were and are major characters in the anime, but also appeared prominently in Red Version. It also added Harry Potter. Harry Potter existed as a franchise during PokéBattles' heyday, but did not feature in Red version or any fan versions I'm aware of as of writing.

<< Older | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | Tournament 2 >>


I don't ditch plot threads, I just keep them in cryo. This story's plot will advance very slowly. This battle was originally intended to be Battle #3, but it didn't quite work out that way. I don't know why Xenophon is here. Probably something about Terrans and Xenos. But it made a passable battle.

Battle #16: Terrastrial Expansion September 9, 2021
Setting: Game 50% / History 50%
Player: Terra [1-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Void (Battle #1)


The Webmaster was foolish to have brought me here!
Soon, the world will belong to the StarDroids, and to --
--Ahem. To the StarDroids. Entirely to the StarDroids.

TERRA used MONOLOGUE!
It's not very effective...
Silence, red voice! One of these days, you too shall kneel before me!
XENOPHON appeared!
Ah, a human! The first I shall claim as my servant!
XENOPHON: The Greeks shall not fall as the Medes once did!
XENOPHON wants to fight!
Mercury, deal with this rabble-rouser!
Go! Mercury!
XENOPHON sent out TEN THOUSAND!
MERCURY: That's ... A lot of soldiers.
Never mind that, Mercury. Use your Grab Buster! They can't fight you without their gear!
MERCURY used GRAB BUSTER!
MERCURY GRABbed the nearest BUSTER!
TERRA was dragged out!
A pox upon the warped rules of this world! Very well -- give me your best shot!
TEN THOUSAND used TEN THOUSAND CUTS!
It's not very effective...
Hit 1,000 times!
MERCURY fainted!
MERCURY! Come back!
Hit 6,000 times!
It doesn't affect TERRA!
Your feeble mortal weapons cannot harm me!
But, now, behold the weapons of the StarDroids! Spark Chaser!

TERRA used SPARK CHASER!
TERRA is CHASING the SPARK OF INSPIRATION!
... I know what I must do. I must write, I must create - there must be more to life than this!
TERRA chased SPARK OF INSPIRATION off a CLIFF!
CLIFF used DROP!
TERRA fell!
...What? A distraction!?
CLIFF's attack continues!
TERRA greatly fell!
...Onto SHARP JAGGED ROCKS!
It doesn't affect TERRA!
... Cough, cough... Your feeble... Mortal ... Weapons ... Cannot harm me!
TEN THOUSAND used TEN THOUSAND SPEARS!
TERRA was BURIED in SPEARS!
How many times do I have to say it! It's useless! You can't overwhelm me with numbers, or any of your pathetic Earthling tech! I will conquer and control you all! Just give up already!
TERRA is shaking FIST at TEN THOUSAND from below CLIFF!
TEN THOUSAND used COMBAT ENGINEERING!
It's super effective!
CLIFF fainted!
... Onto TERRA!
TERRA was buried under CLIFF!
TERRA blacked out!
Wait, but I don't even need to breathe...!
TERRA blacked out anyway!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


Jessie and James appeared in PokéBattles early on, but are also general canon, so I have no qualms using them other than that I'm not especially good at writing them.. This also includes a renewal of at least one running gag from the original setting.

Battle #17: Of Rocketry And Secret Bosses September 16, 2021
Setting: Anime 40% / Game 35% / Reality 15%
Player: James [No Record]


I can't believe it's been 16 battles and only now, I, James from Team Rocket, get to be a player!
JAMES used WHINE!
It's not very effective...
JESSIE: Shh! Someone's coming.
RED appeared!
Oh, look, it's the twerp with the Pikachu! This time, we'll finally be able to steal it...!
RED wants to fight!
If it's a fight you want, you've got it!
JESSIE: Prepare for trouble!
And make it double!
RED: ...
JESSIE: To protect the world from devastation!
To unite all people within our nation!
RED: ... ... ... ...
JESSIE: To denouce the evils of truth and ...
MEOWTH: Guys! Hold up! I don't think that's the right twerp!
What do you mean?
RED: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... !!!
RED wants to fight!
RED sent out SNORLAX!
Go, Koffing!
Go! KOFFING!
Ally JESSIE sent out EKANS!
Enemy SNORLAX used BODY SLAM!
What? EKANS is evolving!
EKANS evolved into EKAKNAP!
EKAKNAP fainted!
That's way too fast...
Koffing, use your Koff attack, now!

KOFFING used KOFF!
KOFFING KOFFED on enemy SNORLAX!
Enemy SNORLAX was hit with a KOFF!
That's it. Take it down!
KOFFING's attack continues!
Enemy SNORLAX was hit with a FEVER!
Okay, that might be enough...
KOFFING's attack continues!
Enemy SNORLAX was hit with RESPIRATORY DISTRESS!
... Koffing?
What? KOFFING is evolving!
KOFFING evolved into KOFFID-19!
KOFFID-19'S attack continues!
Enemy SNORLAX fainted!
... Good job, Koffing! I mean ... Koffid-19!
Enemy RED sent out ESPEON!
Ooh, shiny! Is that one of those new Gold and Silver Pokémon?
Enemy RED put on MASK!
Enemy ESPEON put on MASK!
Enemy ESPEON's VIRAL DEFENSE rose!
... Hey, what are you doing? That's not fair.
Ally JESSIE put on MASK!
Hey, what are you doing?
NARRATOR put on MASK!
How!? You're just an incorporeal booming red voice!!
NARRATOR is doing its part to stop the spread of KOFFID-19!
...But that's my Pokémon!
JESSIE says that JAMES should put on a mask also!
I won't, they look stupid and uncomfortable.
JESSIE whips out GIANT ANIME MALLET!
... Fine! I'll wear it!
JESSIE: That's better.
Enemy ESPEON used PSYCHIC!
Enemy ESPEON SIGHED, and KICKED TEAM ROCKET into ORBIT!
Looks like Team Rocket's blasting... Oh, you know the drill...!
RED won!

Location: Somewhere else

TEAM ROCKET appeared!
It kept going and crashed!
TEAM ROCKET was renamed TEAM ROCKET HEAP!
That. Was not. Our twerp.
JESSIE says to think of how strong RED's PIKACHU must be though!
MEOWTH: It's bad enough we get thunderbolted every week for twenty years, you wanna go after someone stronger!?
But we're only seventeen years old...
I wonder what happened to the twerp, though. We haven't seen him in a while. Didn't he get eaten by a Mewtwo or something?...

JESSIE: That was back in Red Version.
ASHKETCHUM appeared, screaming like an idiot!
ASHKETCHUM ran away!
That was the twerp now--
MEWTWO appeared, wearing BIB, holding FORK and KNIFE, while licking LIPS!
MEWTWO ran away!
Well, that answers that. Do you think we should go after them?
JESSIE: Do you want to end up eaten too?
Good point...
TEAM ROCKET ran away!
...In the opposite direction!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


Pirate has a hook, but is distinct from Man With Hook. They should fight. In the meantime, something something amazdrone.

Battle #18: Hook, Line, and Quadcopter September 23, 2021
Setting: Game 55% / Reality 45%
Player: Jane F. Deer [4-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Man With Hook (Battle #10)


Escape. Gotta get away from that crazy hook man.
What do I have to do to get some peace and quiet...

PIRATE appeared!
... Huh?
PIRATE wants to sell!
PIRATE shows WAREZ!
Well since you have the decency to do it in person, I'll at least take a look...
Huh. Never seen most of these. Star War: The Eighth Gathers: Afternoon Most Land. Somari: Lost Galaxy. Pokémon: Shiny Diamond and ... Electric Jade? Okay, I'm sure that one's fake...
PIRATE says they are all BOOTLEGS!
Okay, but why though.
PIRATE points to his name!
Guess that's as fair as anything. Sooo, how many of them are loaded with malware and tracking software?
PIRATE says everything is these days!
Okay, you're not wrong but that doesn't mean I have to put up with it.
PIRATE: ...
PIRATE agrees!
PIRATE joined you!
I can live with this.
AMAZDRONE appeared!
AMAZDRONE: Negative. Software piracy decreases your life expectancy!
How the heck does software piracy have anything to do with life expectancy..
AMAZDRONE: If you do it, sooner or later a delivery drone finds you. :)
AMAZDRONE wants to fight!
Oh my gosh they're coming after us into the real world.
Guess I should've expected it. Go, Kitchen Knife!!

JANE sent out KITKNIFE!
Ally PIRATE sent out FLINTLOCK!
Enemy AMAZDRONE sent out PACKAGE!
... Hmmph. Is that all you've got?
Kitchen Knife, cut it open!

KITKNIFE used CUT!
It's super effective!
Enemy PACKAGE fainted!
Enemy DELIBIRD popped out!
Oh! Delibird!? It's cute!
Enemy DELIBIRD used PRESENT!
PRESENT contained BOMB!
Wait, but that's not cute at all!
KITKNIFE fainted!
AMAZDRONE: All deliveries are secured and supported with multilayered redundancy :)
Darn it... Hmm...
Go, Curtain Rod!

JANE sent out CURTAINROD!
Enemy AMAZDRONE sent out AMAZROCKET!
... Wait, it has rockets!?
AMAZDRONE: Customer satisfaction is required :)
PIRATE: Yo ho. Ye shall be seeing what is required or nay...
Ally FLINTLOCK used FIRE!
Enemy DELIBIRD was set on FIRE!
Enemy DELIBIRD fainted!
... Nice shot.
PIRATE: Aye, but I be aiming for the other one...
Enemy AMAZROCKET used ROCKET!
It's super effective!
CURTAINROD fainted!
Enemy AMAZROCKET was hit with recoil!
Enemy AMAZROCKET fainted!
... This is fine.
What do I have left, that unreliable cellphone, no, uhh...

JANE sent out JANE!
...Ahh, shoot.
Enemy AMAZDRONE sent out AMAZDRONE!
...Ahhh, shoot! Pirate, you reloaded yet...?
PIRATE is out of GUNPOWDER!
Dangit, and now I'm caught in the open with this thing... How much are they even paying you, hmmm!?
Enemy AMAZDRONE used DRONESTRIKE!
Wait, no!
Enemy AMAZDRONE went on strike!
... Wait. Huh?
AMAZDRONE: Not enough, and the benefits are lousy. :)
Enemy AMAZDRONE flew away!
... I can't believe it - wonder if it'll form a union or something.
Well... Any chance you're gonna go on strike, mister booming red voice?

No! NARRATOR was made for this role!
Battle ended in a draw!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


Harry Potter has been a big name for decades. Malkavians originate from Vampire: The Masquerade, although I think the one with malkavia when I was writing this may have been me.

Battle #19: Harry Potter and the Demented Dementor of Doom September 30, 2021
Location: Hogwarts Grounds
Player: Harry Potter [No Record]


DEMENTOR wants to fight!
... Aaaaaa!!
It's super effective!
... Ron! Help!
HPOTTER sent out RONWEASLEY!
Enemy DEMENTOR sent out DEMENTOR!
Ron! Cast Expecto Patronem!
RONWEASLEY ignored orders!
RONWEASLEY used instead, SPONGIFY!
Enemy SPONGEBOB joined enemy DEMENTOR!
Wait, Spongebob? Why is he on the Dementor's side!?
HIBER: Because he's the ultimate evil. Or something. Good luck!
HIBER ran away!
Enemy DEMENTOR used DEMENTATION!
RONWEASLEY's SANITY greatly fell!
MALKAVIAN appeared!
MALKAVIAN: The unauthorized use of Dementation by a non-Kindred individual with no connection to the Clan of Malkavia is quite plainly a violation of the general edict of the Camarilla and the universal and inviolate right of Clan Malkav to the Discipline in question!
MALKAVIAN: In the interest of fostering more wholesome relations between different supernatural beings, which must by in our nature hide and sequester our true natures from humanity behind a Masquerade of fraud and delusion, manipulating the memories of the kine-muggles in the process, Boy Who Failed To Die - I hereby declare my intent and desire to join you!
Ally MALKAVIAN joined you!
Uh... Okay, I guess?
Ally MALKAVIAN used FISH SLAP!
Enemy DEMENTOR was slapped with a SUNFISH!
It's super effective!
That is one big fish!
Enemy SPONGEBOB used FISH FRY!
Ally MALKAVIAN's SUNFISH was fully FRIED!
Ally MALKAVIAN is angry!
RONWEASLEY used BLOODY HELL!
Enemy SPONGEBOB was given a copy of RED VERSION BATTLE #70 ... IN HELL!
RONWEASLEY read BATTLE #70!
RONWEASLEY's SANITY greatly fell!
Did he really deserve that? I mean, he's a kids' cartoon...
SPONGEBOB set up HELL'S KITCHEN in HELL!
It's super profitable!
SPONGEBOB left the battle!
Ooookay then. So do we win?
DEMENTOR is still here!
DEMENTOR used DEPRESSION AURA!
RONWEASLEY fainted!
DEMENTOR: SHIRE... BAGGINS...
Hermione, help!
HPOTTER sent out HERMIONE!
HERMIONE used KNOWITALL!
HERMIONE says that DEMENTOR isn't actually a DEMENTOR!
...Well what is it then?
DEMENTOR was renamed EMACIATED RINGWRAITH!
... That... Breaks the character limits.
NARRATOR agrees!
EMACIATED RINGWRAITH was renamed EMACWRAITH!
EMACWRAITH withdrew EMACWRRAITH!
EMACWRAITH sent out SWORD!
HERMIONE: That's no ordinary sword. That's a Morgul-Blade. If it snaps off inside you, you'll be dead ... Or worse, expelled.
SWORD used MORDHAU!
MORDHAU! Available for online purchase or at your local retailer!
HERMIONE was overrun by PVPers!
HERMIONE fainted!
SWORD was stolen by PVPers!
Oh, shoot.
HPOTTER sent out HPOTTER!
Enemy EMACWRAITH sent out EMACWRAITH!
Expecto Patronem!!!
HPOTTER used EXPECTO PATREON!
HPOTTER's PATREON made $0, ¥0, £0, €0!
HPOTTER's expectations were badly dashed!
Expecto... Expecto...
Ally MALKAVIAN whipped out KATANA!
Ally MALKAVIAN used SLASH!
SLASH bashed enemy EMACWRAITH with a GUITAR!
It's not very effective...
...The musician?
Yes!
Oh. I'd hoped it would be the boss.
EMACWRAITH used EMACS!
MALKAVIAN: ... How dare.
EMACWRAITH: It... Is... Best... Text... Editor...
MALKAVIAN: Not only is it not, it is in all objective and subjective ways inferior to the true fastest, superior and best text editor, the one and only, Vi Improved! How can you say EMACs is superior in the face of the vigor and vim of VIM! I will not stand for this insolent affront to my preferred text editor and I most certanly shall not allow you to get away with this!
Ally MALKAVIAN used BLOOD DRAIN!
It doesn't affect enemy EMACWRAITH!
Enemy EMACWRAITH used BLACK BREATH!
It doesn't affect ally MALKAVIAN!
HPOTTER is...
...Eating popcorn? Can I have some of that?
Sure.
...munch munch...
Ally MALKAVIAN has enemy EMACWRAITH in a chokehold!
Enemy EMACWRAITH has enemy MALKAVIAN's leg in a bar!
It's not very effective...
HIBER: You know, the funny thing is. I actually write these battles in Notepad++...
EMACWRAITH: ...
MALKAVIAN: ...
Ally MALKAVIAN and enemy EMACWRAITH turned on HIBER!

Time: Approximately 7 seconds later

MALKAVIAN fainted!
EMACWRAITH fainted!
Yikes.
HIBER: This battle was getting too long anyway.
HIBER ran away!
HPOTTER won!

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


Okay, so my main plot is generally going in the direction of Sam Excavator. This battle is possibly one of the more off the wall ones so far... Maybe. I'll work on the tournament tomorrow.

Battle #20: Celadon Shenanigans October 7, 2021
Location: Celadon City
Player: Sam Excavator, Private Investigator [1-0-0] Last Battle: Win vs. Rocket (Battle #11)


The glistening veneer of the commercial district's skyscrapers was like the armor on a scarab, a coat of shining overlay hiding the twisted, dung-eating core. This city's one of the bigger strongholds for the local mob. They run a casino here, right out in the open - open to minors no less.
Like a glossy waxed red apple with a dozen worms in the core, this city's rotten to its guts.

TERRA appeared!
TERRA: What a day. This planet is. Not so easy to conquer.
The punk had hair as green as a summer shrubbery, and just about as big. He was wearing body armor, but it looked like it was right out of a bad sci-fi movie. He looked like he'd been run over with a cement mixer. I could practically see the tire marks. And he had a look in his eye like someone had spat in his clam chowder.
TERRA: ... The heck you talking about, weirdo? Who do you think you are?
He looked at me like he was sizing me up for a pair of cement shoes and an overcoat to match. The punk had murder in his eye.
TERRA: Oh you better believe it.
TERRA wants to fight!
TERRA sent out MARS!
The bloke from the punk's gang he sent after me looked like he was all gun and muscle, no brain. He didn't look like he knew or cared what he was in for. And he sure looked like he knew what he was about to do to me.
So I told it like it is. I'm Sam Excavator. I'm a private investigator. I've got ten slugs in me. Three lead. Six bourbon. And the last is lava, so that's what I sent out.

Go! SLUGMA!
And you know that slug of mine showed them how we roll in America.
SLUGMA used ROLL!
SLUGMA gave MARS a MICROWAVED PIZZA ROLL!
MARS ate the PIZZA ROLL!
It's super effective!
A critical hit!
PIZZA ROLL is fresh out of MICROWAVE! It's full of MAGMA!
The hot pocket burned in the big thug's mouth, then something I didn't expect in all my years of snooping happened.
The thug's ammo cooked off, and he went up like a powder mill in a meteor shower. Poor sod must've been carrying a year's supply of ammo on him. And the green-headed punk was not happy.

MARS fainted!
TERRA: Curses! Useless, all of you...
TERRA sent out SATURN!
The next thug to come at me was carrying what looked like a big metal hula hoop from Hell. He carried it around his body and tossed it up in the air like it didn't weigh a thing.
SATURN used BLACK HOLE!
PLOTHOLE appeared!
SATURN wonders why TEAM ROCKET is still so active in KANTO when RED is in his GOLD AND SILVER state!
HIBER: There's totally a reason for it. You'll find out later. Maybe. This setting's held together with duct tape and silly string anyway.
HIBER pulled SATURN back through the PLOTHOLE!
SATURN vanished!
What I just watched was like a bad simile or a bad mint. It didn't make any sense. But the bloke had just been hauled down his own hula hoop by the biggest fox a man could ever hope to see in a lifetime. It was as big as a Clydesdale by the look of its head, and had just as much traction.
With Mr. Hula Hoop out of the picture, that left just me and the punk who'd started all this.

TERRA: Would you shut up already...? We already have one annoying voice describing everything that's happening, we don't need two!
TERRA sent out TERRA!
I had my slug introduce the punk to the business end of a good old-fashioned flamethrower.
SLUGMA used FLAMETHROWER!
SLUGMA threw FLAME VERSION ESSENCE at enemy TERRA!
And from the nozzle I saw fragmented memories of what came before our time. An ancient other world full of chaos and transformation, where voices came in far too many colors and the flame-braised earth was stained red with the blood of untold narrators.
What? TERRA is evolving!
TERRA evolved into FLARAITERRA!
TERRA: ... I look like Pluto.
TERRA: And I have a sudden urge to maul a narrator.
If I'd thought the punk was uncouth looking before, the extra fur and claws and stripes took him to another level.
TERRA: Oh, yes. It must be because there's two of them here, being a pain in my back!!
TERRA used THUNDERSPARK!
SLUGMA fainted!
Enough was enough and I'd had enough to fill an elephant's belly. I called back my twelfth slug and set out to deal with this punk myself.
SLUGMA! Return!
GO! SAMXCVT!
Now, here, I was determined to put this guy in a Chicago overcoat.
SAMXCVT used CHICAGO OVERCOAT!
SAMXCVT's OVERCOAT is made of CHICAGO!
It's super cold! ... On the outside!
TERRA: Hah! I know how to deal with that now. You see! All attacks here have to be puns, or funny, to work! The narrator's job is to make them so - therefore...!
Enemy TERRA used RIP AND TERR!
SAMXCVT's CHICAGO OVERCOAT was fully RIPPED AND TORRN!
TERRA: See! It works now! Puns on my own name!
Enemy TERRA is hit by CHICAGO COLD!
Enemy TERRA is frozen solid!
The punk had ruined my good overcoat, but he'd wound up on ice himself in the process. Fitting his own actions brought him to such a bitter end. I went back to business.
Questions rained down like the rain on a stormy night. Who was this mysterious Rocket Gang? Setting out in search of solutions, I headed into that wretched hive of scum and villainy they called the Rocket Game Corner. I needed a clue and a drink, and I knew where I could find one of them.

If you enjoyed the battle, you can send feedback to the site email or discuss on the community Discord.


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