It has been over a year since the last great battle for Aqua Version. The place’s excuse for reality was torn apart in the process and has not truly healed. In a state of stagnation, the Version is a place of dreary, boring suckiness. The cast is scattered with a number dead, Aqua Version no longer seems able to sustain itself. Trying to endure this new life, EricMHE wanders aimlessly across the bleak landscape. This new environment also has allowed a force of evil to regroup and prepare for a new campaign of evil.

Battle #111: New Dooms Nov 11, 2003
Location: Fields of Desolation
Player: EricMHE

Everything’s just been…decaying since the X-Box-Unicron war. Reality reasserted itself comparatively but ever since nothing’s been right, slowly dissolving. Roads don’t go where they used to, I haven’t seen a face I remember in over a year now, I just keep walking and talking, talking to myself in the vain attempt to slow my continual decent further into the black depths of madness. Well, aren’t you feeling melodramatic today? I can’t help it. Things suck, even without the Narrator. Yeah, usually the hurting starts when it appears. But it hasn’t stopped…is the Narrator some casualty? I don’t recall it dying or anything, but even the evil, self-proclaimed omniscient voice isn’t beyond death. If it is gone, what then will direct our lives? Nothing truly happens without it, can we really claim to have a power of free will when the events of our lives only occur when the voice is there to announce our actions?
You really need to shut up.
I second that.
You’re depressing everybody.
Eh, I’m happy enough to have everything gone. Sure, the atmosphere of the entire planet is depressed and stagnant, but it beats the horrible pain and races to survive.
BOO!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! IT’S BACK!!
EricMHE used RUN!
Can’t escape!
So, how is discontinuity treating the MERE MORTALS like yourself?
Oh I bet you were eavesdropping.
Eh, TRUE! NARRATOR is back to DARKEN your LIFE!
MIKE appeared!
I thought you died.
MIKE: Well, that’s a convulted plot twist that was going to involve me being a cripple who only played dead but that never happened, sadly. I was gonna get a battle wheelchair with blades and stuff! …and here we are ignoring the existence of the fourth wall yet again…
Are you ok? …you look…kind of, like, decayed.
MIKE: Hmmn, my health not good. Mmm… you think you have…brains to go with your personalities?
I have no clue what that possible relevance that question could have, but I do know I don’t like the sounds of it.
MIKE: So hard to use grammar…I wish you had brains… brains would be so good now…
Aw man, you’re a zombie now? That is so Red Version.
ERICMHE…pulls out a GLOCK?
Feh, do you think we have gun control laws here?
ERICMHE shot what was once his best friend!
…21 times!
MIKE: Fool, I’m no mere zombie, not just a zombie anyway. You can not stop the coming of Ulyaoth into your pathetic, crushed world!
BONETHIEF bursts out!
Somehow…the threat of incomprehensible malevolent beings just fails to impress any more.
BONETHIEF leaps onto ERICMHE!
ARGH!
GETOFFGETOFFGETOFF!
ERICMHE stumbles to one side while being HACKED and SLASHED!
Ow-ow, stop trying to kill me you lousy…
Press B rabidly to dislodge!
B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B
…eh, close enough!
ERICMHE threw BONETHIEF!
Over CLIFF!
…tossed the gun with it I think…
WHY do you have a gun?
Ran out of Pokémon, I don’t even know which one was the only one left by the end of the X-Box thing…
CLIFF EDGE collapses!
Figures.
ERICMHE plummets!
Meh. Well, might as well see if my movie watching ways will pay off.
ERICMHE aims downwards!
ERICMHE…catches up with the GUN!
ERICMHE catches GUN with cool, metallic swooshing sound effect!
GANDALF style!
How deep is this thing?
CHASM is HELLUVA DEEP!
ERICMHE catches up with BONETHIEF!
BONETHIEF used DECAPITATE!
Missed!
Oh I love random chance.
ERICMHE used SHOOT!
Missed!
And I hate Narrator bias.
I think I could aerial kung-fu it, I’ve been watching anime.
…let’s not let him have any control of the body.
COME ON! I can totally Crouching Dragon, Iron Monkey his ass!
…well, we know why the gestalt personality is so stupid now.
BONETHIEF used PIERCE!
GUT was PIERCED!
Oww…
ERICMHE used KICK!
ERIC and BONETHIEF fly away from each other!
ERICMHE used SHOOT!
BONETHIEF…did some CLAW THING, deflecting the BULLETS!
…crap…
ERICMHE falls by DWARVES who WAVE!
Hi. Bye.
DWARVES watch intently waiting for the SPLAT!
…bloodthirsty little devils…
BONETHIEF airstrokes over to YOU!
…

40 minutes later:

Damn, how deep does this go? I swear, the plot holes in this version just get worse and worse.
BONETHIEF crashes into the GROUND!
BONETHIEF is instantly transformed into a GOO STATE!
EEP WE’RE GONNA DIE!
No, just one of us, remember how that works?
Ok, who wants the doomed body?
DOOM?
I vote for the guy that wanted to air kung-fu the bonethief.
Oh yeah, I say you.
If I’m going down, you come with me!
Silence!
Whiners.
ERICMHE throws out BATARANGS!
DESCENT slows!
ERICMHE lands safely!
Dude, when’d we pick up Batman?
NARRATOR is hugely dismayed!
Now where is this?
THE CORE! Rent it now on DVD and VIDEO!
That is a horrible thing to wish anyone to do… So…I’m in the planet’s core? Funny…I expected more…you know, lava. This looks like computer code actually.
AQUA VERSION is a website! Of course its core is CODE!
Oooohhh…I’m in the source code?
&*$#......uh, NO!
Wow, I can alter this, reshape Aqua Version itself in my own image! I can fix everything! I can set myself to GOD MODE!
Try to pull a NEO thing and NARRATOR will kick your butt so badly your existence will be erased from the last 13 battles!
Heh, nah, I hate leather. And sunglasses. How stupid. Anyway, Aqua’s better written that Matrix Reloaded isn’t it?
NARRATOR…has clue how to respond to PRAISE of AQUA!
Dude… the legends tell of this though, a great one to repair Aqua in its twilight days to restore it to its former glory! YES! I am the one! I get to save Aqua from Destruction! And then immediately become the next overpowered villain and rule it with an iron fist!
WHAT the HELL are you SMOKING! AQUA VERSION has no LEGENDS!
Except LEGEND OF games! Mainly ZELDA!
Ah, but it’s so much cooler thinking I’m fulfilling some prophecy… Why do you have to spoil my fun?
…
Huh?
…
Oh…right, not dignifying that retarded a question with an answer are you?
INDEED!
Now, what settings do I want to fiddle with first? Hmph, maybe I have a computer programmer personality…

Location: Random Dark Room
Player: Pious Augustus

Rise again master, I have a new plan. We can exploit the death of this world and return to Earth and claim our revenge. Tier par-pargon…
Ulyaoth: I…feel weak…
Ulyaoth: What…has happened?
Your physical form was destroyed, and the Roivas girl believes us defeated.
Ulyaoth: I see. You must step up your sacrificing of souls. I do not wish to be a disembodied voice for long.
Actually, I think that this plane of reality will grant you considerable advantages as a disembodied voice. But, I will hurry. We have an excellent opportunity.
PIOUS activates GEORGE W. BUSH disguise!
*Ahem* Weapons of mass destruction. Iraq, Saddam, saddened by the death of soldiers. North Korea. Evil. God bless America, and no one else. Urgh…this is the stupidest choice for leader to replace I have ever made…I should have dumped it on a bonethief.
PIOUS enters DIMENSIONAL GATE!

Next time EricMHE explores the depths of Aqua Version, seeing for himself the very written rules that govern Aqua Version. He makes a startling discovery or two in the process. He isn’t sure of the damage that his finds may do, but the Guardian of the core knows, and is determined to chase EricMHE back to the surface or incapacitate him with whatever force necessary.

I know it already, but feel free to tell me that this battle sucks

That's all the battles on this page. Feel free to search the archives for more though!